Something Smells Fishy

*DON’T READ THIS POST WHILE YOU’RE EATING OR FEELING QUEASY OR IF YOU’RE EASILY GROSSED OUT!*

 

Diddling dinos, y’all!

Just when I think I’ve heard it all, seen it all, smelled it all…something new smacks me right between the gobs.

In the past week, Buddy’s started to smell not so much like a dog but more like a dead fish. Let me tell you, that’s some nasty doggy BO. Woof. As some of you may recall, we’ve already determined that Buddy’s farts are the foulest. If you want, you can refresh your memory here. But this new smell is seriously more rank than even his worst fart.

Image result for something smells fishy gif

At first I thought he smelled that way because he jumped into our man-made pond in the backyard — again. Our pond used to house pretty goldfish. Then we had that major ice storm well over a decade ago, and David and I fished the fish out and took them to the pet store to “winter” because I didn’t want them to die in a frozen pond. The pet store gladly took them in, then re-sold them to, hopefully, homes not plagued with ice. The last time I saw those fish, they were HUGE! Anyway, now our pond has a nice drippy sound to it and it’s generally pretty to zone out to while staring at, but it hasn’t contained fish in close to 20 years.

When we first brought Buddy home, he must have thought, “What a place! I even have my very own pond. Woohoo!”

Damned dog. Boy did he stink when he came out dripping wet, shaking pond water all over me. Double damned dog. I had to bathe him outside. He didn’t like that much and neither did I. I remember saying to him, “Look, if you stay out of the pond from now on, I won’t have to bathe you before you come inside each time. Deal?”

Long story short, it took awhile, but Buddy hasn’t taken a dip in the pond recently. I know this because he’s not been wet lately, which is always a tell-tale sign. So the pond is not the culprit.

If Buddy were a girlfriend, I’d tell her to see her gynecologist right away because a lingering odor of fish is never a good thing; but, I understand, that smell and the medical issues associated with that can be cleared up with antibiotics.

I should clarify that I learned this from a former friend who, reportedly, tried to make her boyfriend perform… well, let’s just say that his face got too close to where the smell emanated from and he told her that while he loved her, he couldn’t go through with the act because if he did, he would throw up. Yikes! Apparently, the smell was pretty damned bad. My friend told me she was positively horrified and embarrassed, especially since her boyfriend was being such a good sport — and, yet, as horrified as she was, that somehow didn’t prevent her from telling me this story. (And, look, now I’m telling you. You’re welcome.)

Just so y’all know, my former friend went to the doctor and got antibiotics which cleared everything up; and that is the most important part of this story. Because she lived to tell the tale, which means she survived and, hopefully, she also learned from her misadventure.

Because —

Image result for vaginal fish odor meme

All I know is that her story has lived in the back of my brain since; and the thought of this happening to me has scared me for decades — because when someone tells me something that personal and traumatic, I worry I’m next. It hasn’t happened so far, fingers crossed and knock on wood, but now I’m thinking about it again, so I’ll probably start worrying again. Ugh.

I know the most interesting people.

I assumed that Buddy’s fishy odor meant that he needed to be groomed because he’s a he and not a she, assuming girl dogs can get the same problems women can get. Whatever Buddy got into, the stank wasn’t going away without a hardcore, professional cleaning.

But you know me. I get curious and I’m a Googler and since Buddy’s never smelled like this before, I Googled, “Why does my dog smell like fish?” I got an answer. Google said this is a sign that Buddy may need to have his anal glands expressed because they may be impacted. Ouch! That doesn’t sound comfortable. A YouTube video shows you how to correctly do this if you’re interested. Unfortunately, 4 o’clock and 8 o’clock will never mean the same thing to me again.

Why, why, why?

I’ve had at least a dozen dogs throughout my life and this has never been a thing. EVER! I’ve never even heard about anal glands that need to be expressed until today. W.T.F.

Image result for expressing anal glands gif

I’m over my gross out, mostly — but our poor Doggie Dog. I think it’s vet time for the Budster because as much as I love him, trust me when I say — Buddy’s not going to want me to get that intimate with him. Plus this is a two-person job and I already ask too much of David as it is. I’m not about to ask him to go knuckle deep inside Buddy’s rear and push a ribbon of brown “expression” out of him — not that he’d do this even if I asked.

But then I thought — that’s not a very nice thing to think about David; sometimes he surprises me with his amazing generosity and kindness, so maybe he would help. I mean this would be for Bud.

So, I asked him.

Me: Listen, you know how Buddy has started to smell fishy?

David: No.

Me: Well he does.

David: Okay.

Me: Well, I understand that’s because he may need to have his anal glands expressed.

David: Okay.

Me: And I need you to—

David: No.

Me: But I didn’t even—

David: No. Just no. Whatever you’re about to say, I’m not doing it. Find someone else. Are you ready to watch Evil now? (BTW, Evil is a new TV show.)

Do I know my husband or what?

So just to summarize:

If you smell like fish, go see your doctor. If your dog smells like fish, take him to the vet. Also, you’re never too old to learn something new — whether you want to or not.

Okay, so there’s not a lot of music that comes to mind for this post, but I’d rather think about smelling something different, anyway. So for your listening pleasure —

Okay, that’s a little dark. How about something entirely different?

That’s better!

TTFN y’all,

Mona

20 thoughts on “Something Smells Fishy”

  1. Well. That’s a lot to unpack…. so to speak.
    I’ve never had a dog who needed that procedure, and for that I’m quite thankful.
    Can’t say I blame your husband. Nope. Not one bit.

  2. I had never heard of this either, until several years ago when my cat had one of his anal glands explode. Yes. EXPLODE. It looked horrific on his white fur and smelled worse. Apparently, if they get engorged like that (yes. engorged.), and don’t get expressed, they can burst like a really rancid, nasty pimple. Thank God I’ve never had that issue with any of my other fur kids!

  3. “But then I thought — that’s not a very nice thing to think about David; sometimes he surprises me with his amazing generosity and kindness, so maybe he would help. I mean this would be for Bud.”

    I doubt Bud would see this as amazing generosity and kindness. 🙂

    I have heard of this before and have been eternally grateful that my dogs have never needed it. You probably just jinxed me (or them really) now!

  4. Hey Lee,
    You’re right. The only thing Bud would probably think is — ya come near me again and I’m biting you! As to your dogs, well you’ve clearly known about this for much longer than I have — so if your dogs weren’t jinxed when you heard about it before, I doubt my mentioning it will jinx them or you now! On the other hand, if Karma’s out to get you,
    then that’s between you and Karma. That has nothing to do with me, though! Knock on wood, fingers crossed! Uhm, good luck to you and your dogs! 😊 Mona

  5. Oh my GOD, I should not have read this at work, this is just too funny. I’m sorry, I can’t help it, your writing is frickin’ golden. Okay, our Dodger used to signal his need for anal expression (?!) by scooting his ass across the carpet. And any time he was groomed, they did that. Hope that helps! Thanks for the Friday read!

    • Hey NCS,
      Welcome to Wayward Sparkles! I’m glad that you enjoyed this post and…thanks bunches! I’m so glad you responded because if I hear you correctly, this means that this anal gland expression thing is manageable and you don’t have to do anything more than pay to have it done! Excellent to know! Have a great weekend and may your carpet remain scoot-ass free! Mona

      • Dodger has been gone for about 7 years but the memory of him scraping his ass on my carpets is not something you forget!!! (Got here from Word Press and I am so glad that I found you after you “liked” a post of mine because you are a wonderful and amusing writer and we all need to read quality writing!!!)

        • Hey NCS,
          You are too kind. If you wouldn’t mind, would you send me a link to your blog? I sometimes read new blogs during the middle of the night and go off on rabbit trails and forget where to find people and blogs that I’ve enjoyed. I’m hoping that’s not what happened, but I suspect that I might have done that on this occasion. Anyway, if you could help me out, I’d certainly appreciate it and I’m sure that during the light of day, I can then bookmark your site and check in with you on a more frequent basis! Mona

  6. We had two beagles in the 1998 time period. Two brothers that were completely different in personality. They shared their infirmities though. They had to submit to this procedure routinely. We’d drop them off at the vet in the morning and hightail it out of there. Saying over our shoulder as we exited — we’ll see you later!

  7. Great post and a good laugh! BTW – I have had dogs all my life and had never heard of the expressing of the anal glands thing. Until… my dog Momo started bleeding from the butt! The vet, some antibiotics and all was good. But I’m with you – gonna try and do this at home? Noooo way!!! (apparently, this is something more prevalent in some breeds than others)

  8. Katherine,
    Bleeding from the butt never sounds like a good thing. Yikes! But as you pointed out, antibiotics make, “All’s well in the (rear) end!” Glad Momo’s better, my friend! Mona

  9. I just want you to know, I was grinning when I saw that red lettering, because you were already apologizing again and I knew we were getting into the nitty-gritty denial-heavy area of biology, hahaha
    Oh, I thought the anal glands thing was a lot more common than it apparently is. My world is rife with gross things! LOL
    I didn’t think you had to stick a finger UP the dog’s butt though. I saw my sister do it to my aunt/uncle’s dog and she just squeezed it like a zit. A woman of your strong constitution could surely handle that level of indignity.
    If you have to stick your finger up his butt, though, that’s a whole new bag of worms — I mean —

    Anyway. I’m very sorry for this gross new development in your pet care.

    • Oh my god, Sarah! You had to go there and associate worms with my dog’s butt, didn’t you! LOL. Frankly, I know very little about the whole anal gland thing, but I’m sure I’ll be more enlightened by the end of the day. And poor Buddy! We had to take him to the emergency vet last night (Sunday) because he was in major pain and had been for several hours. I think we figured out there at the ER that our high-energy dog might have hurt his back during one of his tears through the house into the backyard! He seems better today, but the ER vet is expensive and so we’re taking him to our regular vet today for a follow up on all sorts of issues he’s had this past week! Also, it’s probably time for his annual anyway! Ah, David just brought lunch. Worms and anal glands be damned, I’m starving! Mona

      • Poor doggo! I’m glad he’s getting better already <3
        Mmm. I'm eating too. "This red pork and fried rice reminds me, I need to check Mona's blog."

        • Sarah,
          That’s so funny because I was eating Almond Joy minis and thinking about you — sometimes I feel like a but…stupid spellcheck…I meant nut! 😋

    • Clever Girl,
      You’re absolutely right. Men can smell fishy too. And when they do, they need antibiotics as well. 🙂 So, yep, this is something that can affect goose and gander alike–uhm, metaphorically speaking. Unless that foul fish smell can foul up fowls as well; but if that is the case, it’s only been a guess on my part. Don’t you just love equal opportunity fish smells? LOL. I mean not the smell itself, but just that it is an equal opportunity olfactory offender? Mona

Leave a Comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: