Just as I am

So you know how when you first meet people who you’ve never met before but you’re old friends anyway and you know each other’s stories and you want to hear all their newer stories and you get each other’s jokes and can finish each other’s sentences, and it’s like — Thank God, I never thought I’d get here because it felt like everything was conspiring to keep me away, but somehow I made it — and they embrace you with kindness and love and unconditional acceptance and the best hugs ever and then feed you delicious homemade onion soup made in the most unconventional way and give you a tour of the house, which might be haunted because it’s so old and creaky but also really cool, and you laugh and talk and listen and create and you never want that to end? That’s how I imagine heaven. That’s how last weekend was.

Impressions and snapshots and love is what I remember most and it’s all a jumble in my brain in no particular order:


Sea goat

White patio furniture on the front porch

Church bells in the distance

a rocket, a leftover tube from biscuit dough, and a red funnel

fashion trend or fashion faux pas?

Curling iron

Homemade soap

Neil Gaiman’s writing class

Happy little tomato who prematurely squirted on Sarah

Caprese salad in the morning

Google directions are wrong

what were those things you ride on while standing up called again? Birds?

2 girls and a cup

midget clown porn

esoteric bookstore


Old men who eat dinner at 4:30 in the afternoon

wine and paint splatters

fuck pink

Art Deco

a knife, a canvas and a determined look

Words. All. The. Words.

Flying cockroaches and Palmettos

comic sans

drawing curse word coloring book page

philosophies of life

Buddhist moral system

Louise Hay

Whitley Strieber

just as I am

walk ten steps, huff, puff, have to sit; ten more steps, huff, puff, sit

tiny bladders

tiny penis man

Day of the dead skull art because we were in Kat’s neck of the woods

the elephant in the room

1:00 AM vs. midnight

tap water whore

creative geniuses

articulate with a heavy emphasis on the “v;” it’s not “lies;” it’s “liVes”

the smell of the stage

mirrors everywhere

art work everywhere

“It’s not a nine, it’s a zero”

Wrong number

Satan’s butthole revisited

Rain and lightning and humidity

Ass custard


The full Irish

Blood pudding

Last few minutes of the farmer’s market

Soul City

Iced Tea

Best damned grilled cheese sandwich

Wonky electricity

Very cool broken oven

Chocolate cake with whipped cream and blueberries



licorice custard

water, water, water, beer

how much sugar is in your pancake batter


can I bum a cigarette

Smoking might kill us

getting lost 

Tulsa airport

Blogger awards, blogging, blogging cycles

Jenny Lawson

You must have thought I was a total bitch

Friends, family and acquaintances

The SUV that doesn’t turn off right away

Route 66

Motion sickness

Creepy locked closet




I can be a bigger bitch than you because I love you

The line you never cross

Feed The Watcher

I know, I’ve left so much out. Please add to this list. Hopefully, these phrases will prompt those who were there to remember in their own magical way. Over these last several days, I’ve gotten flashbacks of our short weekend spent in Tulsa — my life is intense — and it’s these special kind of memories that keep me going. I still haven’t settled back into the daily grind as much as I’ve been trying. I haven’t even unpacked yet and I got back Sunday. Today is Wednesday. My soul really needed that vacation and it’s resisting the idea of getting back to work; but slowly, I’m getting there a little at a time.

My soul is enriched. My spirit is full. My life is changed for the better. Thank each of you for your generosity, kindness, love and friendship! I’ll never be able to adequately express just how much each 0f you means to me!

Kat at Angel Who Swears shared the pics and told the story much better than I ever could and — I’m crying now, so I’m gonna stop. Until next time…

Sparkle on in your own badass ways,






20 thoughts on “Just as I am”

  1. You can’t just drop lines like midget clown porn and tiny penis man with no explanation. Bad blogger!

  2. This just hit me like a tidal wave … all the feelings I was numb to while there, all at once, right now, because I knew what every single one meant! You don’t miss anything, lady! Not stream of consciousness. More like roaring, white-crested river of consciousness.

    • Lille,
      Comic sans and drawing…damn, I left those out. Hold on, I’ll be right back. 🙃 I’m still overwhelmed. There was a lot packed into that short time frame! This is the only way I know how to write about it! Hugs, my friend! Mona

    • Kat,
      This is literally the third time I’ve tried to reply to your comment–on my post! I KNOW! I SIMPLY CAN’T BE TRUSTED WITH TECHNOLOGY! What I wanted to say (fingers crossed) is that I really enjoyed reading your version of how it all went down and I had an awesome time and we should do this again sooner than later! It was great to meet you in person, my friend! Mona

  3. Wow. I feel like I’ve been let in on a big secret. Great way to share. Brilliant in Fact! You are awesome with those pesky lil things (words)! I’m very happy your soul got what it needed. Sounds like the feeling was mutual with your whole group. Very cool. I enjoyed getting a peek. (And you came up on my WP reader! Ridiculously easy to keep up with you now.) 😊💜

    • Kim,
      Thanks, my friend! We’re considering a trip to San Antonio in the future after Jenny Lawson opens her bookstore! BTW, Kat at Angel Who Swears has a more coherent account of our shenanigans. Mona

  4. Guys, if you go to San Antonio after Jenny Lawson gets the bookstore opened, let me know. I will try to be there! We need to tell Jenny she has to have a meeting room in the bookstore for tribe members who have found each other on the interwebs.

  5. What an amazing weekend – this is the second account I’ve read 😀
    So happy for you ladies, it sounds like a MUCH needed retreat!
    On another note, I’d also love to come over to San Antonio for Jenny’s bookstore opening. She’s going to have more ladies than she can handle!

  6. Thanks Andie,
    We did have a lot of fun!
    I’m not sure where Jenny is with her bookstore…didn’t she just remark not too long ago that they think they found the right spot, though? Whenever she opens, I probably won’t be there for the grand opening–I can only imagine how packed that place will be–shudder! However, after things quiet down a bit…absolutely. If you do go for the grand opening, you’ll have to tell us all about it though! If you want to wait for us, you’re more than welcome! I’d love to meet you in person! Aw hell, go to the grand opening and then go again with us! You can show us the ropes! 🙂 Mona

  7. Mona, this was a brilliant post! I had to jump over to Kat’s Angel Who Swears for a little more clarity and so happy I did. It sounds like you had a wonderfully good time and found a lot of joy! So happy for you. Thank you for sharing. Your opening paragraph is an absolute joy to read. Warm and delicious and enveloping. Gooey chocolate chip cookies fresh from the oven. You perfectly described what we all crave. So happy you found it! Cheers! Jayne

    • Jayne,
      Oh good, I’m so glad to hear from you! I’ve been trying to leave a message on your blog, but I still can’t. No one seems to know why. Anyway, is there an alt way to leave messages to you somehow? Most importantly, I nominated you for The Sunshine Blogger Award a few posts back and I had no way to let you know! I’m so sorry! If you go on that post and read thru it, you can still accept if you want. Anyway, it’s so good to hear from you, my friend! Mona

    • Sarah,
      It’s funny because I’ll be going about my day (over the last week and a half now) and something will pop into my head about Tulsa and I’ll realize it’s not on the list and then I have to go back and update. That just happened when I was replying to you in the post about Cystifus. Anyway, I guess that’s how everyone’s memories work. Had lots of fun, my friend. I hope we can do this again some day! Mona

  8. This is an awesome post! It reminds me of the random notes written in my high school year books; some of which trigger memories and some that are very much in the category of WTF! I wish I had been there. You seriously need to expand upon some of this for us though: like “the line you never cross”, “I can be a bigger bitch than you because I love you”, and, of course “midget clown porn”.

  9. Hey Rhonda,
    I know. It sucks because there were so many moments and discussions with these wonderful and intelligent women and if I tried to write about each of the things I listed…well there just wasn’t any way I could. However, to elaborate a little on the specifics you asked about, we had philosophical and existential discussions regarding things we would and would never do (lines you don’t cross) including if your loved one was trying to push you away by being mean, would that be an effective deterrent, especially if you knew they were on a downward spiral or
    could you be the bigger bitch or asshole if that’s what it took to help them. As to midget clown porn, that story is going in the book I’m writing.

    Who knows, if we can figure out a way to get back together, maybe you could join us as well! I know others have expressed interest. That would be awesome! 😊


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