Wrong Number aka I Am Not Ruth!

RUTH HOUSTON OR I SUPPOSE YOUR NAME MIGHT BE RUTH HUSTON, LIVING SOMEWHERE IN TEXAS, YOU KNOW WHO THE EFF YOU ARE —

WOMAN, PLEASE CALL YOUR CREDITORS AND MAKE PAYMENT PLAN ARRANGEMENTS ALREADY! ALSO, WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP GIVING MY PHONE NUMBER OUT AS YOURS, YOU EFFING, DEADBEAT CON ARTIST! I’VE HAD THIS PHONE NUMBER FOR ABOUT TEN YEARS. NINE OF THOSE YEARS I’VE BEEN FIELDING PHONE CALLS FROM YOUR DOCTORS’ OFFICES, COLLECTION AGENCIES AND OTHER PEOPLE WHO WANT TO KNOW WHERE THE FUCK YOU ARE AND HOW TO GET IN TOUCH WITH YOU.

TRUST ME, IF I KNEW, I’D TELL THEM! I’D DRAW DETAILED MAPS WITH ARROWS AND CIRCLES, HIGHLIGHTS AND UNDERLINES TO SHOW THEM EXACTLY WHERE TO FIND YOUR SORRY ASS! NOT ONLY THAT, I’D GIVE THEM YOUR REAL PHONE NUMBER AND ADDRESS AND THE ADDRESSES AND PHONE NUMBERS  OF ALL OF YOUR RELATIVES SO THEY COULD BOTHER THEM INSTEAD. MATTER OF FACT, I HOPE THEY FIND YOUR ASS AND SHOW YOU NO MERCY, WHOEVER THE EFF YOU ARE; BECAUSE, AT THIS POINT, THEY KEEP CALLING ME AND AREN’T SHOWING ME ANY MERCY

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AND IF YOU ARE ONE OF THE PEOPLE CALLING ME ABOUT RUTH, JUST STOP. OKAY? I DON’T KNOW WHO SHE IS OR WHY SHE’S GIVING YOU MY PHONE NUMBER OTHER THAN SHE CLEARLY DIDN’T WANT YOU TO HAVE HER REAL ONE. YOU SHOULD HAVE VETTED HER PHONE NUMBER AND ALL OF HER OTHER VITAL INFORMATION BEFORE YOU GAVE HER SERVICES OR PRODUCTS OR MONEY OR WHATEVER THE HELL ELSE YOU’RE NOW CALLING HER ABOUT. CLEARLY, SHE’S SCREWED YOU OVER, DOG. DEAL WITH IT. IF YOU HAVEN’T LOCATED HER IN THE LAST NINE YEARS, WHY DO YOU THINK YOU’RE EVER GOING TO FIND HER? HELL, SHE’S PROBABLY DEAD BY NOW! IDIOTS, ALL OF YOU!

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ENOUGH ALREADY!

NOW LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!

*******************

Please disregard the above if you are not Ruth or her creditors. If you know her, though, please pass the above information along to her. If you’re one of her creditors, please take my phone number off your contact/calling list. I wish I could, but I cannot help you. Thanks, and have a nice day.

For your listening pleasure ~

TTFN,

Mona

14 thoughts on “Wrong Number aka I Am Not Ruth!”

    • Thank you, and I second that Barbara!

      Hear that Ruth? Wherever you are, Barbara says to grow a pair, you effing coward!

      Sorry about that Barbara. Ahem…I’m glad you liked the song. Which one was your favorite, “Hello, It’s Me” or “Operator”? I like both of them and you know me, if I can’t decide which, I include both. Glad it brought back good memories, my friend! 🙂 Mona

      Reply
      • Well, I do like them both, but Operator (the entire album in fact) was memorized when I was in my 20’s. Broke my heart when he died at 30.

        Reply
        • There was some amazing music during that time. Jim Croce was one of the best. Can you imagine the music he would have continued to write if he’d lived? It boggles the mind. ~ M

          Reply
    • Thanks, Rebecca!
      You know, that rant’s been a long time coming. And you’re right! I feel much better now! LOL. 😉 Mona

      Reply
  1. In other words, you’re mad as hell, and you’re not gonna take it anymore!
    Did I interpret your nuanced. message correctly?
    What a royal pain! Sorry you’ve had to put up with that. Nine years? Good grief!

    Reply
    • Hey Annie,
      Sorry if I was too subtle, but yea. I guess I got the call that broke the camel’s back that was the last straw on my last nerve…or something like that! Ugh. Lol. Mona

      Reply
    • Dear Sherr…I mean RUTH,
      Well if that isn’t the horse of a motherfucker…I mean a different color, I don’t know what is! LOL. Boy, howdy, I guess I set myself up for that one. Thanks for the heads up, Ruth. I’d also like to thank you by snail mail. What was your street address, again? Also, I’d tell you just where you can ride your horse, but I think you probably already know where that is. I hope you…I mean…I hope YOUR HORSE, lives long and prospers…and bites the shit out of you before throwing you off its back. Cheers, Mona

      PS. Barbara says to grow a pair. I hope they get rubbed off while riding your horse.

      Reply
  2. Just wow! I have been in your shoes. I’ve wanted to punch people because they keep calling me looking for someone else. It’s a real pisser, I tell you. Look up Ruth Houston in the phone book and give callers HER number! Lol. Hey, at least it would be a Ruth Houston, right? PS: Great music!

    Reply
  3. Deb,
    Right?!!!! Punching Ruth’s creditors and/or Ruth sounds oddly satisfying right now. You totally get how I feel! Unfortunately, I doubt this will be the last call I get. 🙁 I pity the next creditor who calls me. Glad you like the music, my friend!

    Reply
  4. I think it’s time for you to give up that 867-5309 number… I don’t care how many years you’ve had it. All of the jokers put that down for their personal info (Along with zip code 90210)…

    Reply
    • ES,
      Excellent suggestion; especially if one of us were named Jenny. I’m afraid what surprises a new number might hold. Trust me, this is only slightly better than the number I once had whose numbers suggested I was a call-in porn site. Ew! I got rid of that pdq! Mona

      Reply

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