I didn’t really have a blog post to put out this week until I read Clever Girl’s newest post, “Shhh…They Might Hear You!” during the middle of the night. If you haven’t read it already, you should take a moment and check it out. Just click on the highlighted words and it will take you directly to her post.
She was lamenting the difficult times in which we find ourselves and how no one seems to know how to take a joke at the moment. I get that. I’m not a comedian, but even so, I haven’t written anything funny or amusing or original in quite a while, which is why I also haven’t put out a new post in a couple of weeks. There’s a total drought in the vestiges of my thirsty, crusty mind. Also, I don’t find much funny right now and that’s never a good sign for me. Thank God for people who make me laugh. I need laughter right now. If you have any jokes or funny stories, please share!
In her post, Clever Girl explained how a joke works, even a badly written joke…I think.
Because you know, if you have to explain it…
In her explanation, though, she brought up short Mexicans working in fields. Also, vegans came into her post as well as a tall, white man who also worked out in the field.
As I read, somewhere in the weirder areas of my mind, the following words started to formulate and stick: tall, white man; bent; produce; eggplant; vegan. I don’t know why CG’s post inspired me. It just happened. My comment to her was thus: How did they know the tall, white man out in the field was a vegan? Because he got bent with an eggPLANT! I then apologized profusely because that was not a well-written joke. Unfortunately, that’s all my mind came up with.
Despite my feeble attempt, I’m absolutely sure that somewhere in Clever Girl’s tale, using most if not all of the words I listed above, there is a damned good joke just waiting to be told. If you know what that is, please share! Also, I left the part out about the chicken eggs because “chicken eggs” also went through my mind even if Clever Girl never mentioned chickens or eggs. I probably shouldn’t come up with jokes at 4 AM on my phone. Or ever.
Of course, I have no idea what if any response she’ll have to my comment/joke since it isn’t even 8 AM the next morning. It’s kind of nerve-racking now that I put my weird joke out there. I probably shouldn’t have done that. My filter/judgment was a bit wobbly at 4 AM. She’ll probably tell me to stop trying to come up with jokes because I really stink at it. I deserve that, too. I’m hoping she has a more clever response, though, since you know…she is Clever Girl.
Anyway, yeah, that’s how my week’s been. I hope yours has been better.
The only dubiously exciting thing that happened to me this week is that I dreamed I killed someone a few nights ago. I don’t remember who he was, but I know that he needed killing and I got the job done. I woke up smiling. Feeling very satisfied. That’s probably not a good sign, is it? Unfortunately, I don’t remember anything more. Otherwise, you would be reading an entire post about it.
Staying at home is starting to get to me, I think. I desperately need to get out of this house and see other people and experience just a tiny drop of normalcy again before my mind goes past the point of no return.
HELP.
So, Wayward Friends, have you noticed any differences in how you’re feeling now that we’re on Day Gazillion and One of corona-not-so-normal-life with no let up in sight? Any weird dreams or worries? Please let me know I’m not the only one. 😉
For your listening pleasure, a spoof — if you’re not into satire, skip this part, my friends!
TTFN,
Mona
PS ~
So David read this and told me that he’s confused.
He wanted to know if I had a problem with Clever Girl because that’s the way what I wrote came across. WHATTTTTTT?????? OH SHIT AND OF COURSE NOT! I adore Clever Girl and always look forward to her posts! So if there’s any confusion about whether I like her or her posts, just stop that, ‘k?
My post is about how I was worried about offending her with my stupid joke but I couldn’t take it back. Now I’m having to explain…and I feel like I’m in the inside of a bad joke.
Clever Girl’s post was amazing, y’all. Also, since I wrote this, she’s read my comment/joke on her post and, apparently, she wasn’t offended. So that’s good. Damn, now I hope this post doesn’t offend her! SHIT, SHIT, SHIT! By the way, I still think there’s a good joke in there somewhere. 🙂 M
To be honest I feel guilty for not feeling bad. While I seriously miss dinner out, traveling and my favorite bar stool….. I’m perfectly okay with puttering around the house and garden. Blogging helps. But then I’ve always been pretty easy to please.
😉
No comment (other than “No comment”). 😉
MM,
Ahhh, so that’s how that works! 🙂 M
River,
Well, also squirrels and woodchucks have been keeping you busy, too! They’re irresistible! 🙃
My dreams have been vivid, but not bad ones. Just filled with people who I rarely think about, so I don’t know what that means.
As for how I feel today, I’d say I’m lethargic. Lacking any motivation to do much of anything. Part of it is the summer heat, but part of it is being stuck at home for so long. The heat will pass, but apparently this virus won’t, so not thrilled about that.
Ally,
That’s really interesting about your dreams. I think that what we’re going through is impacting people in different ways. For instance, I’ve never had a dream where I killed someone before. Maybe metaphorically, I was killing the coronavirus. Maybe? That works for me! As to the heat? Don’t get me started. Hopefully, they’ll have vaccines out before too long and life will get back to normal again. Fingers crossed. M
First off Ok. I don’t get it ! Second you need to get out of the house, you are losing it 🙄
Hey Jan,
I thought you didn’t get it? I think you understand just fine, my friend. 🙂 M
Mona,
I totally understand. It’s all weird, and the media and the people who chose now of all times to revert to judging people by the color of their skin are making it worse. It’s possible I don’t have it as bad as some because of my cottage and the constant stream of guests (29 nights out of 30 in June, and all but two nights booked in July). These lovely, hard working, sick-of-the-nonsense people are trying to get away from the insanity and experience a few days of something resembling normal in a place where they can breathe fresh, free-flowing air with lots of space all around and maybe tell another person how it is in their corner of the world. In the ensuing (generally heartwarming) conversations, we gripe and grumble and fret and then also remind ourselves of the bigger picture of why we are here and what we can do to keep ourselves on a good track. Being face to face (outdoors, yes, socially distanced, yes) in a place where no one is shouting at us or telling us what we have to think or which dotted line to sign on, listening to the sounds of nature or the laughter of children, taking our time over a cup of tea to articulate thoughts and ideas about how we will muddle through this and maybe even discover some gems we otherwise would have missed, reminding ourselves to think for ourselves, to not be blindly-following sheep who in the end discover they are not only sheep but also, sadly, dead frogs in the proverbial frying pan (because of not taking stock of the stupidity and insanity around us that can and just might lead to the unthinkable, a world where we all might as well have socks stuffed in our mouths) — all this is part of the weird reality of the Summer of 2020. The fact is that the world is rather upside down right now and we all have had to figure out how to do an about-face and spend time very differently than in the past — while at the same time being afraid to even make a joke!! It’s a recipe for Bad. I don’t write much myself these days, and when I do it’s fiction set many years ago which probably no one but me will ever read, and that’s okay. I’m so sick of having to weigh, measure and worry about every last thing I say — I can hardly believe I’ve said even this much here. If lightning strikes me, you’ll know why!!
I realize it’s hot in Texas (it’s hot in Virginia too!) but maybe find a time to take a walk with someone who’s willing to do the same and is not lying in wait to judge your every word, and tell as many jokes as you want!! I would laugh with you!!
Hey Patricia,
You are, indeed, a breath of fresh air, my friend! Yes to everything you said. There’s a reason you’re a writer. As you spoke about your neck of the woods, I was instantly transported and I really needed that. It sounded so…normal. So thank you! I’m glad you stopped by! 🙂 M
Forget about the jokes, I wanna know if the guy you killed in your dream the other night was my former boss, please tell me it was.
CG,
Since I have no idea who it was I killed other than it was a “he,” it very well could have been. All I know is that he needed to be killed and I was very satisfied with the results! So it could have been your former boss or it could have been something a little more metaphorical — but hey, whatever works, right? M
Whenever you ask “How do you know he’s a vegan?”, the answer is always, “Because he told me. It was the very first thing he said.” It’s funny because it’s true;-)
Bless you, Suzanne! ~ M
Mona, how is it where you are?! Are you in lockdown still!? Its tough isn’t it. I live in a city in the UK called Leicester, and within that small area radius, I happen to live in the only bit, in the whole of the UK that’s still in bloody lockdown, since March!! Are you keeping busy, or bored to tears? Great post to read Mona my friend Xx
Hey Pip! Why are y’all the only place that’s still on lockdown? That doesn’t seem fair or right! Frankly, I’m in lockdown only because my health issues make me a great candidate for a horrible case and outcome of Covid-19 if I catch it. The numbers here in Texas aren’t going in the direction we need them to be, and so tighter restrictions have been mandated. Right now there’s also a huge debate about how they’re going to deal with the upcoming school year. We all feel cooped up in my house, and I have moments of panic and long stretches of boredom; but basically, I’m waiting on a vaccine so we can go out into the world again. I do have writing and housework and cooking and all of our pets, plus I’m growing tomatoes and herbs. So I have enough to do. Also, it’s hot as hell here, so I’m trying to keep cool indoors. What have you been doing this summer? I miss the conversations you, Kat, Allen and I used to have! Hope all is well with you! 😘 Mona
Hi Mona. Yes I miss you too. I’ve been poorly with depression on and off, so I was really procrastinating with the blog, months of no writing in fact. I’m in a town called Leicester, and it’s not good here at all. I know we have to think of others, but there’s a problem with there being loads of clothing factories still running when it was supposed to be lockdown. People haven’t been listening. It’s been on the news. Trust me to live in the only one place in the UK that’s still in lockdown. My boys are OK, very bored, but we all are. So your city is still not running normally then?
Pip,
Hey my friend! I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been struggling. This pandemic is definitely not helpful for those who suffer with anxiety or depression. So does that mean that schools there are still shut down? Since I don’t get out hardly at all, I have no idea what’s open and what’s not. I know a lot of shops and restaurants have gone out of business because of this mess, which makes me sad, but I also have a friend who’s decided to not let any of this keep her from living the life she had before the pandemic hit. She socializes with friends every weekend, shops all of the time and really just continues forth. She says that it took some getting used to all the new rules they have in place about social distancing and wearing a mask and she thinks this is a bunch of hogwash. She keeps trying to get me to meet for drinks, but I told her that I really can’t. If I get this, then I’m toast. It’s the fact that she is out and about so much that keeps me from actually meeting up with her. She might be just fine or she might be a carrier that’s asymptomatic. Either way, I can’t afford to take the chance. If that makes me paranoid, like she thinks I am, so be it. Are you drawing or painting? Mona
LOL!!!!
You asked:
This. This is exactly what quarantine has done to me. It’s taken my natural social anxiety, which I used to mostly have licked. It has strengthened it, and fed it. Isolating breeding fear.
For example, if I stay home too many days in a row, then go out to the store, and all the lines are weird and there’s only one exit anymore, and the lady not-so-gently redirects me from trying to leave through the entrance which would have fucked with her counters. This happens, I am at the edge of tears. That kind of stupid shit didn’t used to put me at the edge of tears. Not since I hit my twenties.
I’m regressing. That’s what it’s done to me.
So you, you make a bad joke and are overcome with irrational anxiety about the possible reactions from one who just touted her need for more bad jokes in her life? You’re regressing. What age do you think you’ve gotten to?
I wonder if I just made any kind of sense at all, lol.
Sarah,
Thank you. Out of everyone, I knew you would understand the most! Big hugs to you, my friend! What you just wrote made perfect sense to me. Also, I am ageless in my crazy–meaning that I’m an adult, I think; but I could just be the teenaged me freaking out! So, there’s that possibility. There’s probably not much difference between the two. Anyway, this will be over soon. Grow tomatoes and eat caprese salad if you like that or tomato sandwiches or wait until they’re rotten and throw them at this whole fucking mess of a world we live in right now! Screw all of the one way signs and doors and one-way people who are mean about it! Mona
I think I will. Rules, like tomatoes, are meant to be broken.
Ha! One day I hope to achieve being ageless in my crazy. Thank you for setting a new standard.