Daughter Lauren thought it would be a wonderful experience for me to go with her to yoga class. She described it as “a very Zen experience” and the gentlest kind — “Trauma-informed Gentle Yoga.” She said it really helps her relax.
“Who, me?” I asked. Then I laughed. Because … no … just no.
But Lauren assured me that it was amazing and easy.
I mean, it was gentle yoga, plus a cool mom/daughter bonding experience; plus, I’m staying positive through Lent, so I said, “Sure.”
Okay, so maybe I worried about a couple of things like —
- Would I make a complete fool out of myself?
- And flatulence.
Because flatulence is what everyone worries about the most when they go to a yoga class, right?
My daughter worried, too — that I might enbarrass her. 🙄
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Once we got there, our instructor, Shelley, had a very soothing voice. She encouraged us to pay attention to what our bodies were telling us because, apparently, “If you listen to what your body is telling you, it will speak to you and tell you what it needs…”
At this point, which was only a few minutes into the session, all was “so far, so good.”
Then, we started stretching. That’s when my body started “talking” to me.
Body: Hey Gurl, look at us trying something new! Oh, wait. Don’t do that! That hurts! We don’t bend that way!
Me: Please be quiet. I’m trying to focus. And of course it hurts. You’re out of shape.
Body: Did you see that girl put all of her weight on her forearms while bringing her legs up over her head and down around her shoulders before class started? SHE WAS DOING A HANDSTAND, BUT ON HER FOREARMS!!! HOW DID SHE DO THAT?!
Me: Yeah, she was showing off for her boyfriend. Think we can eventually do that if I lose a few pounds and work out daily?
Body: Not in a million years.
Me: Uh oh, I just crossed my leg in the wrong direction and accidentally kicked Lauren.
Me to Lauren: *mouthing* “Sorry.”
Lauren to me: *mouthing* “It’s okay.”
Me: How am I supposed to relax when I don’t know what any of these poses are or how to do them correctly?
Body: You’re not. Also, I hate to bring this up, but I think I need to fart.
Me: DON’T YOU DARE!!!!!
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You know what helps me to relax?
Not yoga.
While I might be able to learn to relax if I were to take this yoga class on a regular basis — after maybe having a drink or two FIRST, LAUREN! (to oil my joints) — as a first-timer with creaky bones and an aching everything else — I beg to differ with what my daughter considers “gentle” or “relaxing.”
Also, I don’t care what anyone else says —that sleeping child pose was really difficult.
Then there was the bridge pose —
For once, my body and I were in total agreement. We weren’t going to attempt anything even remotely like that pose. My entire bridge would have collapsed before it was even erected.
I did what I could do, though, which wasn’t a lot — but at least I survived.
I CAN’T BELIEVE I SURVIVED THE ENTIRE HOUR.
AND since no one let out an “audible,” I didn’t embarrass Lauren by giggling. Which is too bad, really. Giggling relaxes me.
The most worrisome thing that happened was when Shelley had to take a slight break while we were doing — whatever we were doing — so she could eat M&M’s. She’s diabetic and her blood glucose dropped while in the middle of the session. Thankfully, she was okay. She apologized, which she didn’t have to do; but did she offer any of the rest of us M&M’s? No, she did not.
She did redeem herself, though. As we lay on our mats dying — okay, that was just me — Shelley handed out cold, wet lavender-scented cloths — so good on my hot, sweaty face! Now that felt good!
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Upon reflection, I think I needed to stretch before I went to yoga class. And drink alcohol before even that. Why didn’t Lauren suggest this beforehand? I’m not sure. Know what I drank beforehand?
Not alcohol.
So, just to be clear, if there were drinks before and then a full body massage after aka INCENTIVES, I might do yoga more often. All in all, though, I’d say yoga was a fun mother/daughter bonding experience even if it was more than enough for one week, month, season — all depending on future incentives, of course.
God, I hope she doesn’t want to do pickleball next!
Namaste, y’all!
And music —
and
TTFN,
Mona
A friend of mine told me of her experience in an introductory yoga class: the instructor also had a very soothing voice, and she dimmed the lights in the studio, and had the participants focus while laying down on relaxing each part of their body. It took about 60 seconds before snoring sounds started to dominate the room 😀
EW,
That’s too funny! But hey, if their bodies told them they needed to sleep, who can argue with that?
My daughter told me she almost fell asleep in her first session. While I was too anxious to fall asleep, I can say for certain I slept very well that night. What about you, EW, yoga, no yoga, something else? I’d suggest you have a great upcoming week ahead, my friend, but I know that for you, it’s always an “Endless Weekend!” Ha! Mona
Back when we were still living in the Denver metro, I said “yes” to attending a “hot yoga” class with a friend and a few of her friends. I too, worried about flatulence (which is always a concern when I’m getting a massage, but that’s another story). I was surprised that I got through the whole hour! And no flatulence! And it was so fricking hot in there, I was sweating like a pig. Later, I learned it was not a “hot yoga” class but a “regular” class. So now, if I ever step foot into a yoga studio again, it will not be for actual “hot yoga”. That would be torture!
Rhonda,
Wow! If you were hot and it wasn’t even a “hot yoga” class, I can’t imagine…You’re right, that would be torture. I’ll keep that in mind, just in case my daughter gets any ideas about “hot yoga.” As it was, I was in a gentle yoga class and I was sweating. They do seem to keep it warm, don’t they? Also, I’m glad I’m not the only one that worries about flatulence. And again, the few times I’ve had massages, I’ve worried about that as well. Do you think men worry about these things or do you think it’s just women? Have a great week, my friend! Mona
The only place I’ve ever been comfortable to do yoga is my own living room when no one else is home. 🙂
Hey Ruth,
I’m impressed that you do yoga in your living room. Also, I fully appreciate where you’re coming from! 😉 Have a great week ahead! Mona
Oh Mona…I love how your body talks to you, ‘hey gurl’, indeed! Thanks for the big smiles you generated for me on a Monday morning! 🥰
Vicki,
I’m glad this made you smile! Have a great week ahead, my friend! 😊
Several years ago I did weekly yoga classes and found it really enjoyable, depending on the instructor. There was one instructor who was really nice and really supportive, saying things like, “Do whatever you’re comfortable with” and “You’re doing great!” Then there was an instructor who was working on some kind of high-level yoga certification and decided to use the class for training. She said things like, “No, the other way” and “You’re not paying attention”, all of which seemed very counter-yoga. And there was one move called “the plow pose” that would have been even worse if I’d been afraid of flatulence but I just couldn’t do because I was terrified of tearing my spine.
Anyway there’s goat yoga, puppy yoga, llama yoga, butterfly yoga…I think you’re on to something with wine yoga.
Chris,
YES TO WINE YOGA! Cheers! 🤩 Mona
Back in the pre-hot yoga days I loved going to classes, but once fancy pants + goofy tops and costly mats became part of the yoga experience I dropped out. Also covid came along and no way was I getting sick just because I wanted to twist myself into a strange shape in the name of good health. I thought I was the only one who finds sleeping child pose difficult. I feel we are kindred spirits.
Ally,
I’m with you all the way! Hugs, Mona
This is awesome stuff, Mona. Happy you didn’t go “a bridge too far…”
Roger,
I did go too far and, yet, not far enough — but not at yoga. Details with new blog post next week! Hugs and have a great weekend, my friend! 🙃 Mona
I have heard farts and snores in class. Everyone just rolls with it. But it is a lot easier to twist something when you’re upside down balanced entirely on your neck and start to laugh. Oh, I don’t know if it’s appropriate to say what breathes when you’re in that position…
Sarah,
(I’m playing it cool here, but I’m so excited to hear from you!) So, what’s up, my friend? How is your event painting career going? I left you a comment on your blog back in November. Hopefully, you’ve read it by now. Okay, enough putting you on the spot —
I would be too afraid to either fart or snore! Also, while I’d never do whatever pose on your neck that you described (that sounds painful and dangerous), I believe you 100 percent! As to what is breathing while in that position, I bet it’s not your mouth or nose! Hope all is well with you! If you get a chance, please give me a call and let’s catch up! Hugs and kisses, Mona