Hope everyone is doing well…
I’ve been intrigued by several blog posts I’ve been reading lately, which is in large part what’s prompted this post today. Perhaps by coincidence but probably just because it’s the start of the new year, themes seem to be about the passage of time or how to best utilize that time. Several bloggers have expressed a strong desire to do more meaningful things in 2024. Others are becoming more aware of how we interact with both ourselves and others through both verbal and non verbal communication. Does what we wear say something about us? If a person says something to us with words — a stranger, perhaps — could what they say mean one thing or could it mean something completely different? And how do you know? Should we care? Or does it just mean we’re overanalyzing?
Social interaction is fraught with misunderstandings, misinterpretations and miscommunication. In much the same way, we are forever reading other people’s facial expressions and body language and attitudes as we try to receive communication accurately. How correct are we in reading each other’s expressions?
My neighbor was out in his yard when I’d arrived home the other day. I stopped by to say hi. He’d had surgery the week before but appeared to be recovering nicely. As we talked, he expressed his desire to do something that, apparently, his wife wasn’t on board with his doing just yet.
My facial expression was a dead giveaway of … something.
My neighbor became defensive. Started explaining his side. He decided my facial expression meant I was siding with his wife. I wasn’t. Nor was I siding with him. As I told him, I stay out of discussions that involve married couples. (If anything, I was more amused because it reminded me of squabbles David and I have. And trust me, I don’t involve any of my neighbors when that happens — not that I said that to him.) At that point, our neighbor appeared irritated with me and felt the need to make sure I understood that it wasn’t like he and his wife were arguing after he said, “I saw that look on your face.”
After assuring him that I wasn’t being judgy and that I thought that his wife was just worried about him because she cared for him, I decided it was time to leave, which I did gracefully and with no ill will. But it got me to thinking…
Anyway, between blog posts and neighbors, this weird quote and its variations (attributed to everyone from Abe Lincoln to George Orwell and others) about how “at age fifty, you get the face you deserve,” came to mind.
So, my questions are:
- Have you heard this saying before?
- What does that saying mean to you?
- Do you feel that (if you are fifty or older) you have “the face you deserve?” or if you’re younger than fifty, do you think that by age fifty you’ll have the face you’ll deserve?
- What do you hope your face says about you no matter what age you are? What are you afraid it might say that you don’t want it to?
- Do you think other people look at your face and see what you hope they will?
- Are other things like the clothes you wear or what you say or the things you do more important?
- Is there a question here that I’m not asking? If so, what is it?
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this! Oh, and by the way, I’d say that many have misinterpreted my facial expressions; so, apparently, it’s something I need to work on. Also, I’d rather have kept my twenty-year-old face … and hair! Or thirty. But such is life!
And music —
and
and
Lastly, one of my favorite artists from the 1970’s, Melanie Safka died last week. Thank you, Melanie, for your music and beautiful and kind spirit! Rest in peace!
Sparkle, y’all,
Mona
What a fantastic set of questions you pose! I, too, am not sure who to credit with this quote, and I’ve even heard longer versions of it, like “Nature gives you the face you have at 20. Life shapes the face you have at 30. But at 50 you get the face you deserve.”
As to what it means to me, I’m going to rely on a longer quote, maybe by Frank Outlaw?
“Watch your thoughts, they become words.
Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become habits.
Watch your habits, they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”
And one of those lines can end with “face”? What do you think?
EW,
I think that the Outlaw quote goes hand in hand with the quote about the face at fifty. My understanding is that at fifty, your inner character and inner beauty shows up on your face — for better or for worse. So, that makes complete sense to me! Kind of like, “you made your bed, now lie in it.” Ha! Thanks for bringing in the Outlaw quote! 😊 Mona
I’d never heard that quote before but I think it’s worth thinking about. I think it means if you take care of yourself health wise, you should look ok…but I’m not sure
LA,
You are always a source of inspiration, my friend! From what I understand, eventually who you are after fifty years of living is reflected outwardly in your face, including but not limited to how you take care of your health. My face tends to show every emotion I’m feeling, though not everyone interprets that correctly. 🙃
Howdy. I think it’s a poor practice to judge people by their appearance (“you can’t judge a book by its cover”). But, we surely can judge people by their actions.
Neil, Howdy back! Excellent point you make and something always to consider. I think judgment is based on all sorts of things and is an evolutionary survival mechanism. It does have its own reputation and set of hurdles about whether it’s a good thing or a not-so-good thing, that’s for sure!
Oh my…the quote is new to me and I don’t like it very much. I also have an expressive face but don’t want people to read too much into what my face looks like – I like a more complete interaction with words, LOL, but your point is spot-on about how quickly folks come to conclusions. Thanks for the fun musical interludes….love the clips. “Dreamboat Annie”. Ahh…..xo! 🥰
Vicki,
You make an excellent point. A “complete interaction with words” helps to put things in context. Communication can be so tricky. Also, glad you enjoy the music! 🙂 Mona
Have you heard this saying before? Yes
What does that saying mean to you? Not much, kind of passive aggressive I’d say
Do you feel that (if you are fifty or older) you have “the face you deserve?” or if you’re younger than fifty, do you think that by age fifty you’ll have the face you’ll deserve? Sure, my face is fine
What do you hope your face says about you no matter what age you are? What are you afraid it might say that you don’t want it to? I hope it says I’m intelligent and a bit snarky. I hope it doesn’t say I’m a pushover.
Do you think other people look at your face and see what you hope they will? Maybe, if someone is bothering to pay attention at all…
Are other things like the clothes you wear or what you say or the things you do more important? What people do is who they are, what you say or wear is an offshoot of that
Is there a question here that I’m not asking? If so, what is it? No, you asked all the good questions
Ally,
I suppose it could be seen as passive/aggressive. I look at this as less about the physical features of one’s face as much as whether someone has kind eyes or a nice smile or appears to be an interesting character or gives off a snarky attitude. I think that my face registers “snark” much more than I intend, but the older I get, the more I tend to look for the humor in most situations. Unfortunately, some take offense to that, which I’m sure is why I end up getting into trouble so much of the time, which is what happened in this instance. I appreciate your take that “what people do is who they are, what you say or wear is an offshoot of that.” Mona
I have never heard of this one before, Mona. It seems like an odd quote to me, and I don’t really get it. I guess the “hope” for my face is it looks much younger than my gray hair, because I don’t feel nearly as old as my hair looks. That being said, there are a lot of guys wishing they had hair at this point in their lives…so I will live with the color that comes with having it. I would like to think my face displays a friendly person. Still, I do think actions are more important than words…and certainly appearance.
Bruce,
It does seem like an odd quote, doesn’t it? It’s been around for much longer than you or me, though. Perhaps it means that over time, who you are as a person shows up on our face — what you’re thinking about and feeling inside and focused on — and that the more you do this and the older you get, the more set it becomes, which shows up as character lines? The more you laugh, the more laugh lines you end up with. The more you frown, the more frown lines show up. I don’t know. Do you think this might be what it could mean? I know I feel like I’ve “earned” every gray hair and wrinkle I have; therefore, does that make me deserving of them? I think it’s always interesting getting the take on something like this from others. Have a great rest of your week, my friend! Mona
I may have heard “At age fifty you get the face you deserve” but forgot it or got it muddled up with other phrases–“You get the rulers you deserve”, for instance, which I think explains why the US hasn’t gone with the metric system yet; we don’t want to trade in our foot-long rulers, or “Give a man a mask and he’ll tell the truth” which only partly describes me–I’d rather have a full-body costume.
But speaking of costumes I do think about what I wear and what I hope to convey. I like bright paisley-patterned shirts–they’ve sort of become a signature for me–because I want to be seen as friendly and approachable. Yet when people compliment my sartorial tastes I get flustered and seem to retreat. What does that say about me?
Chris,
I know I always try and get the rulers I deserve, which often are 18 inches long. Of course it’s been a while since I’ve gotten a new ruler. So, maybe I’m thinking about a yard stick, which never goes outdoors now that I think about it. Hmm…and I’m glad you are friendly and approachable unlike some teachers in the past who might use a ruler as the proverbial “stick” to get an unruly student’s attention. Ha! I think all of what you write just means that you are a thoughtful, kind, approachable and friendly human being, my friend! But what do I know…🙃 Well, I’d like to think I know that! Have a great rest of your week! Mona
What an interesting post, Mona. I actually have not heard that quote before, but it brought two things to mind. First, your face at 50 definitely reflects how well you’ve cared for it in your younger years…such as wearing sunscreen, not smoking, etc. Also, your face will carry the lines of your many facial expressions, whether that’s laugh lines or worry lines…probably a combination of both and more.
Christie,
That’s what I think, too. I remember my mother used to tell me, “Why are you frowning? You don’t want your face to freeze like that!” Have a great weekend, Christie! 😊
I didn’t know about Melanie’s passing. So sad. She was very talented and Brand New Key was a big part of my childhood; still takes me back just hearing it.
I’ve never heard that Face quote before.
Your neighbor sounds a bit unhinged. There, I said it. 😉
Suz,
I read that Melanie was working on new music, too! I wonder if any of that will be released? Have a great rest of your week! Mona