What’s Wrong With…This Dress

Consider this a Public Service Announcement

Several years ago, I wrote about a dress I saw that was loud and obnoxious. The dress I wrote about then had lots of paisleys configured into a mandala design. It was offered in a Belk’s catalog — I’m going to go out on a limb and say circa 2014 or 2015. It was a bold explosion of color and ugly that strategically focused your eyes to gaze upon the model’s…um…privates.

And here we are several years later, and I’ve come across another dress that basically addresses (get it…cuz I’m talking about a dress) the same problem I had with the paisley/mandala dress. It’s as though you’re advertising your lady garden when you wear this monstrosity. This dress has lots of colorful flowers on a black background; and yet, even though it’s a busy, colorful mess, your eyes still go straight there — to the model’s lady garden area. I wonder if she smells as fresh as a daisy? No. I didn’t just ask that. I don’t really want to know, y’all.

I hear Lady Violet from Downton Abbey answering in my head, “Well, none of us want to know; but even so, I should hope she does!” (Shut up and get out of my head, Lady Violet.)

Anyway, you know what they say about a picture. See for yourself. At $35.99, that’s a helluva bargain from JC Penney. I may have to order this one since I missed out on the last one! I wonder if it can be used as a tax write-off since I’m writing about it. Ha!


Ronni Nicole Sleeveless Animal Floral Print Maxi Dress-Plus


The back isn’t any better. Again, it’s both hideous and subversive. And then there’s the animal print mixed in with the explosion of flowers coming out of her backside. *sigh* I mean, now I have to have this dress. What’s not to love!

Also, while I wasn’t able to find a picture of the dress I wrote about several years ago, I did find a shirt that basically makes my point, at the top of this post!

To whoever designed this dress and shirt — have you no shame? And why?

Just say no, y’all! (All of a sudden I feel like Nancy Reagan! Ha!) Well…say no unless you like people thinking about your lady garden as you walk around. If you do, then by all means, be my guest. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you. Also, yes, I will laugh at you and make snarky remarks if you walk in my direction wearing this thing — because I’m mature like that. Just saying…



PS ~

A little music for your troubles, cuz this dress makes me think of “Bungle in the Jungle.” Also, because you know I love you!

17 thoughts on “What’s Wrong With…This Dress”

  1. Oh my. It does seem to be pointing the way…
    Perhaps it’s for older partners who get lost on occasion?

    • Patricia,
      Ha! Stitches…you’re very punny! And I’m with you on the solids…though I like a nice pattern…a more modest pattern. But you can’t go wrong with solids! ~ M

  2. It’s like, a row of vulvae (autocorrected from vulvas, who knew?) down the front, and another row down the back. The model is bifurcated with vulvae . And the vulvae are bifurcated with fur.
    I’ll tell you what though, if someone passed by me wearing that, I wouldn’t be able to recall any of her physical flaws. Sometimes people wear loud clothes to mask such things. It’s kind of like masking the fact that you pooped in the bathroom by smoking a cigarette in there.

  3. Sarah,
    Oh, I see what you mean. Yeah, nope…you’d have to be a very strong individual to be able to wear that thing. “And madam, how would you describe your dress?” “Well, Jeeves, it has a busy pattern of pretty flowers divided by animal vulvae. It just spoke to me. It’s my animal spirit!” No. No. And No. But you’re now on to the why of this crazy thing coming into being. You really think its purpose is to distract from a woman’s physical flaws? Interesting, though it only highlights her flawed taste in clothes. So six of one, half a dozen of the other. ~ M

  4. Honestly, it’s too subtle for me. If I’m going to have yonnic imagery on me, I’m going to go ahead and be much more straight forward about it. There will be an actual vulva or uterus illustrated somewhere on my person. I’m not being facetious, either. A number of years ago, I almost bought this jacket: https://www.dollskill.com/valfre-grow-a-pair-denim-jacket.html Unfortunately, I couldn’t find one bigger than an XL (I guess fat chicks don’t get to be proud of our ovaries).

    • Adie,
      OF COURSE! Yonic imagery on clothing! I didn’t know that was a thing, but now I do; which means I’m going to have to write a whole new post just on that! Thanks for finally coming up with an explanation that makes sense and finally explains why a woman’s reproductive system in symbolic representation was expressed on a dress or dresses or shirts or other outfits. As you say, though, this is subtle, which is fine — but why do it in the hideous way they did? So were the designers really going for yonic imagery or was this a subconscious manifestation on their part? Were they trying to do this and hide it away? If so, then that feels uncomfortable, like they’re trying to pull one over on the unsuspecting. I’m with you — if you’re going to do it, don’t hide it, be proud and use the words yonic imagery in the description so that people get it and know what’s what! Anyway, I feel like I’ve learned much from you today, my friend! Mona


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