It’s hard to write a blog post these days.

Fodder continues to pour in from every direction, which makes everything overwhelming.

For instance, I was in the middle of writing a post on Saturday, July 13^th, when my husband called out from the living room and told me that #45 had been shot. As it turned out, the would-be assassin only pierced #45’s ear (thankfully) — but he did it the hard way. Love him or hate him, an assassination attempt is awful no matter what side of the aisle you’re on. Also, one man actually died protecting his family from flying bullets.

Needless to say, I wasn’t about to try and post that day or even the following week. Instead, I decided to wait until everything settled down. However, here we are a full month later…

AND NOTHING HAS SETTLED DOWN!

Currently, there’s a story in the news about a 31-year-old man who was deriving sexual gratification from what he did with a live eel. Along with the eel, a whole lemon was involved in his intimate escapades. Because I know some of you are a little squeamish about these things, I won’t get any more graphic than that, except to point out that the live eel got its revenge; and now the man has to wear a colostomy bag. FOR LIFE!

And even though I’m not a fan of eels or snakes or wormy creatures of any kind, I couldn’t help but think about that poor creature! And this really annoyed me because I’m for consenting adults doing their own thing sexually without judgment (okay, without too much judgment) — except, don’t make me defend snakes’ and eels’ rights. ‘K? Also, how proud do you think this guy’s parents are?

When stuff like that — and worse — is making news, how am I supposed to compete by writing about my simple life?

Since the last time I posted in February, well over 100 things/events have happened in my life (and counting) that would be good fodder to write about. I wrote a numbered list of them. Unfortunately, most are on the negative side, which provides the ultimate challenge: how do I turn something negative into something humorous?

There’s been a ton of financial crises and things breaking down (how many times can one vehicle break down in a year?!!!!), and people coming and going in my life, and I’ve also had a ton of ridiculous, embarrassing as well as serious health issues, including a five-day stay in the hospital in July. I went in through the ER. Thankfully, hospital doctors and staff saved my life for which I’m grateful. Also, this past week, I’ve had another medical procedure and am awaiting those test results. That procedure is unrelated to the other procedures I went through in June and July! *sigh*

So, whatever good thoughts or positive vibes or prayers you could send my way, I would be very appreciative. Because at the moment, I’m wondering where the hell my physical strength, balance and stamina have gone? I was only in the hospital for five days, yet I’m now in P/T twice a week for another month and still feel as wobbly as … a weeble. And while I haven’t fallen down …. yet, I fear it’s only a matter of time. Woohoo! Fun times!

But even with all of my bellyaching, I know I lucked out. I follow a blogger who lost her husband earlier this year. My heart goes out to her and her other family members!

Anyway, I thought I’d try and write … something.

If it makes you smile or think, even better. If not, ah well. Here goes:

One of the weirdest things that’s happened to me (and there’s been a lot of weird this year) is: a couple of weeks ago, my family was given a fifty-pound bag of carrots. The plastic bag said they came from Canada. That begs the question: Why is Canada sending Texas all of their carrots? Because Holy Ontario, a fifty-pound bag equals a lot of carrots for a family of three! All I could think about was — what the hell am I supposed to do with these?!!!

Then the next thought I had was about that woman on the TV commercial from the International Fellowship of Christians and Jews. It’s the one where the Jewish holocaust survivor/elderly woman says she’s only eaten one carrot in two days. And while I don’t have money to send, I do have carrots! The absurdity, however, of getting carrots in Texas from Canada and then sending them off to a little old lady in Ukraine is too much to fathom. Carrots just shouldn’t globe hop that much in my opinion. Also, I hope the little old lady is in a safe part of Ukraine. Is there a safe place in Ukraine at the moment?

How did we end up with a fifty pound bag of carrots? Excellent question.

At present, my family is food insecure (and if food insecurity could happen to us, it could happen to just about anyone); hence, receiving the fifty-pound bag of carrots from a drive-thru food pantry at a church. I didn’t ask for these carrots, but that’s what we were given, of which we were grateful.

Even so, was it wrong of me to want to share the majority of these carrots with this starving woman on that commercial? I mean, I feel like she could use them more than my family. With even twenty-five pounds, this woman would eat like a queen for weeks if not months! Hopefully, though, she’s getting paid a ton of money for making this commercial and won’t have to live off a carrot or three for an entire week anymore. I hope she becomes so rich and famous that she never has to eat a carrot again unless she wants to.

Then I thought about Plan B.

After dark, I’d quietly drive through our neighborhood streets with said carrots, throwing them onto various lawns. There are a ton of feral bunnies that live in our neck of the woods. Then I thought better about doing that, too, because I didn’t want to distract innocent bunnies who might become excited to find a bountiful meal of carrots ripe for the taking — while the local bobcats (which are also plentiful in our neighborhood) lie in wait. I worried my good intentions would only lead to a hellish nightmare for these rabbits.

I don’t know how I’d live with myself if the next morning there was a helicopter circling overhead with reporters walking up and down our streets asking, “Who is responsible for the slaughter of the innocent bunnies in this neighborhood? A dark-colored vehicle was seen driving slowly through the streets throwing carrots out their window! And now parts of dead bunnies are littering the area and the smell of death is in the air!”

NO!NO!NO! I’m not going to be a part of that!

Eventually, I decided to cut the carrots up and then blanche and freeze them. I could use them for carrot soup (which I’ve never made before) and … well, that’s as far as I got in coming up with creative ways to use carrots.

Of course, given current events, a thought briefly crossed my mind as I was cutting up carrots that it might not be the worst thing in the world to market a few intact carrots as “sexual toys?” That, however, is when I discovered that the few I’d chopped up had already oxidized and turned a nasty brownish-gray color. Yuck! Also, mold and mildew was discovered when I did a deeper dive into the plastic bag. Gross!

And that really annoyed me. Fifty pounds of carrots, which were supposedly given to us in good faith because we are food insecure, were going to go to waste. Unfortunately, I wasn’t going to use even one because I wasn’t about to let anyone in my family or any other person I know eat rotten carrots. I’d rather my loved ones go without than end up in the hospital with food poisoning. *sigh* (Not that I think we’ll go hungry/hungry. Fingers crossed. I do know how to stretch groceries.)

Because that is my life, y’all!

David heard all about it, too! Thankfully, he’s a good husband who knows how and when to tune me out when I start ranting.

I was so mad about the rotten carrots that I just left the stupid fifty-pound bag of beta carotene sitting in the kitchen and went to bed. The next morning, the bag with all of its contents was miraculously gone. David did what David does best — he took care of the offensive bag via the outside trash can while I wasn’t around.

I’m sure there are several takeaways to the above. For instance:

• Don’t abuse live animals with your fetishes, people.
• Good intentions, while noble, can ruin everything with too much of anything, especially from a bad product like rotten carrots.
• Lastly, there are amazing non-profits out there, I’m sure, but before sending them your credit card number or cash or check, please vet them first. There are a ton of non-profits that only spend a dime or so out of every dollar they collect toward helping the people or animals they’re professing to help. The rest of the money goes to “overhead.”

Anyway, I’m off to read more while procrastinating cleaning our house. I’m supposed to be taking it easy this week, anyway. My doctor doesn’t want me to lift anything heavier than a gallon of milk. FOR THE NEXT TWO WEEKS! That gives me time to read about  the current status of the Chiles/Barbosu Olympic gymnastics’ fiasco. Appeal, Appeal, Appeal!

And to catch up on my favorite blogs!

Then I want to read more about the natural double arch rock formation made from Navajo sandstone that was reportedly over 190 million years old when it collapsed in Utah on August 8, 2024. More heartbreak!

On a high note, also in Utah, they discovered a new species of sauropod dinosaur from 150 million years ago that they’ve named Gnatalie. They actually discovered it intact in 2007, but now the bones have been, cleaned and re-connected; and Gnatalie will be available for public viewing at The Natural History Museum in Los Angeles this fall. Wait a minute — doesn’t Utah have a Natural History Museum?

Either way — way to go, Utah! And also, not way to go, Utah!

Hopefully, you’re doing well!

Please catch me up and let me know what’s new with you and yours! Good things happening? Fun adventures this summer? Excitement planned for the fall and winter? An opinion on any of the above? Let me know what YOU think if you’d be so kind! I’ve missed you all!

And now for your enjoyment —

and

and

TTFN,

Mona