Everything was going pretty well yesterday (Friday) when the weirdest damn thing happened to me in Twitterdom. All of a sudden, I started getting a ton of people following me. On my very best day, this has never happened to me before. Over a period of about an hour, I picked up around 150 new followers. I’m sure you’re thinking: Is this faux whine-bragging or what?!
My answer is a resounding: IF ONLY THAT WERE THE CASE!
Normally, getting this many new followers in such a short time would be exhilarating − except every one of these Twitter accounts were in Arabic. They just kept coming − one after another. I didn’t get any followers in any other language for long stretches.
Usually, getting followers from different countries or cultures or faiths doesn’t raise any red flags for me. I have followers all over the world and I follow accounts all over the world. Cute animals doing adorable things or photos of breathtaking land or seascapes or expressive artwork transcends language barriers. So, it wasn’t that I was concerned about getting a follower or two from a Middle-Eastern country. It was the en masse following in the short amount of time − all in Arabic − that caused me to sit up and take notice! A sudden mass following from any group would grab my attention!
I checked out a random couple of sites from my new followers. Twitter asked if I wanted a translation. I said yes. I read what appeared to be some extreme religious and cultural viewpoints counter to my own beliefs − and culture − and life.
WHAT THE FUCK?!!!!
At this point, I decided not to follow back any that were part of this group. Now maybe not all in that group hold the same extreme views I’d been reading − but hey, it’s not my fault if they lumped themselves in with those who do. Peaceful people are peaceful people, whatever their faith, and this post is not directed toward peaceful, peace-loving people! Still, I’m not following any of these 150!
Why the hell this very specific group started following me all of a sudden has given me pause. Also, I’m somewhat paranoid at this point. Call it being cautious while living in interesting times. I mean − Holy Cow! − except, it occurs to me that Holy Cows belong to a different religious group.
Okay, here’s what I want to say to this extremist, potentially jihadist and/or jihadist-supporting group if any of them are reading this:
Do you remember that scene in the Woody Allen movie, Sleeper, where the man and woman are making out … and then all of a sudden, you’re watching the sperm cells inside the man prepare for ejaculation, doing their jumping jacks and exercising, and then that moment arrives, but then at the very last second, the leader sperm cell turns around and shouts at all of the other sperm cells, “Turn around! Go back! Go back! It’s a blow job!?” Do you remember that scene in that movie?
Wait − I forget where I was going with this − CRAP! I hate when that happens! Never mind. And, BTW, don’t even think about it – I’m not giving you a blow job!
What is important is that − I LIKED THIS MOVIE!
SO YEAH! THAT’S RIGHT, SONS OF BITCHES! I BET YOU DIDN’T KNOW WHO YOU WERE MESSING WITH WHEN YOU DECIDED TO FOLLOW ME! THAT’S RIGHT, ASSHOLES, YOU’RE FOLLOWING − WAIT FOR IT − AN INFIDEL!
HA! HA! I GUESS YOU FOLLOWED THE WRONG BITCH THIS TIME! THE JOKE’S ON YOU, MOTHERFUCKERS!
Again, not that I care what you believe, but just know that I’m not going to follow you if you are screaming at the top of your lungs that you’re a Satan worshiper, Jihadist supporter, Nazi (neo or old guard), KKK member, NAMBLA member or Bill Cosby − even if you decide to follow me first. Matter of fact, if you are Bill Cosby or you belong to any of these or any other extreme groups of this ilk, I strongly encourage you not to follow me!
My husband walked by and I showed him what was happening on my Twitter account. I said, “I don’t understand this. What have I gotten myself into?”
My husband took a quick look and said, “You’ve gotten yourself on the radar, that’s what you’ve done.”
“Yeah, with Homeland Security. You bet your sweet ass they’ve already flagged your account and are checking you, me and everyone we know to find out who we are and why we are supporting jihadists. Can’t you get rid of these followers?”
“I don’t think so. I know I can on FaceBook, but I’m not sure how to do this or even if I can do this on Twitter.”
“Well then, close down the damned account!”
“Are you crazy? Do you know how many years it has taken me to get this many followers?”
Anyway, I may be taking a break from Twitter for awhile − even though I’m not ready to just shut the whole thing down. That’s a last resort. I’m hoping that if I quit tweeting for a while, this group will quietly go away by unfollowing me. Of course, this whole mess is frustrating because I just came back from a several-month break from social media and blogging.
Just as I was starting to get back into the swing of my writing life − and this has to happen! UGH!
I will continue to blog. Hopefully. But if all of a sudden I just seem to have fallen off of the radar, so to speak, it may be that I’m taking an unexpected vacation in Guantanamo − courtesy of our federal government.
In the meantime, if you know how I can get these 150 or so followers off of my Twitter account and/or you can clue me in as to what the hell happened in the first place so I can keep this from happening again, please write and let me know. PLEASE!
Because as nice as Guantanamo may be at this time of the year − honestly, I just don’t have the wardrobe.