Take This Job and Shove It!

Hey Everyone,

So the thing is, I’m late getting this post out. It’s been one of those weeks. Also, I was fully expecting to write about an entirely different subject.


As I wrote last week, it’s been difficult writing at all since I got my cataract surgery and can see again. Over the weekend, however, I forced myself and Penny (my muse) finally showed up. She’s been relentless.

It’s been so long since I’ve actually worked on my book that I felt obligated to start there. I expected I’d write my blog post after that. Yeah, that didn’t happen; so, I thought I’d give y’all a taste of what I have been working on. Fingers crossed, this will actually make it into the book. Below is about three to four pages of a chapter that’s (at this moment) twenty-five pages long. Again, don’t worry, this is only three to four pages!

It started out at fourteen pages and then I decided to edit. I KNOW! I SHOULD HAVE STOPPED WHILE I WAS AHEAD! Because that’s what happens when I edit. It gets longer instead of shorter. Every. Damned. Time. (That’s what she said!)

Also, here’s the heads up —

There’s a religious theme that runs throughout the story below; though, I don’t think you have to be religious or a Christian to appreciate it. As members in the writers group I belong to pointed out, knowing certain things/ stories is more of a cultural or general knowledge kind of thing. They felt like the one I reference below falls into that category. In other words, you don’t/ shouldn’t have to be religious to know who/what I’m writing about there.

If you don’t, though, that’s okay. You can join the same club that my daughter belongs to. But only if you want. Either way, as y’all know, I write about stuff in my life. This is some of that stuff. So, I hope y’all can relate and appreciate. If not, hopefully, you can boast about the next thing I post. (Sorry, I couldn’t resist.)  Also, you can blame Kelly. Or Penny. (I haven’t blamed Kelly for anything lately!)


Oh, one more thing — please tell me you know what ADIDAS means. My daughter did not. It turns out that I’ve been under the illusion that she’s much more well-rounded than it turns out she is. She knows what it means now. It came up in the context that I told her that some guy she knows probably had a bad case of ADIDAS brain. And she was horrified once I told her what that meant. OH, PLEASE! She’s 32 years old. I’ve hardly corrupted her.

Also, if you say ADIDAS is the brand of an athletic shoe, you’re right. That’s not what I was going for, though. As any fifth grade boy (and maybe girl, too) can probably tell you, the acronym stands for something else. Also, the ‘S’ doesn’t stand for sports, unless you’re a ‘G’ rated soul, like some people I know (my writers group.) Again, some of them believe that I just grew up around the wrong kind of people and/or had the wrong kind of friends when I was younger. Maybe. Maybe not. Of course, I didn’t learn what ADIDAS meant until I was fully an adult.  It means, if you don’t know,  All Day I Dream About Sex. Some kid told me. I don’t remember who. It was over twenty years ago.

Anyway, my writers group learned something new and so did my daughter. Because, that’s what I strive to do. Teach.  🙂


Okay, one last thing before the excerpt and only because this was last minute and I thought y’all might appreciate this! David, who’d just brought in the mail, gave this to me right before I was ready to send this post out! He caught me just in time! Whew! So y’all remember last post when I told you that I’d recently gone to a baby shower, right? Well, if you didn’t I wrote about it here. So, I get a thank you card in the mail from the mother-to-be. She wrote a very nice thank you and on the back of that card, she wrote —

A baby’s laugh is one of the most beautiful things you will ever hear…

Unless it’s 3 AM…

You’re home alone…

And you don’t have a baby.


Just one more reason I love this woman!

Okay, now from my story —


Excerpt from book (fingers crossed) —

Probably the worst thing about having cataracts was the fact that I couldn’t even read words on my computer screen. Or my phone. Do you know just how screwed up this is for someone who wants to write for a living? It was so bad, I wanted to write a letter to God. It would say —

Dear God,

I love you and will always love you and my soul is yours forever and ever if you want it. BUT I’M NOT JOB! I’m trying not to complain — or worry — at least I’m trying my best not to, but I’m only human. Can you please help a girl out?

Great big hugs,


(Note to reader: So, apparently, I’ve failed as a parent. I had my daughter read my letter to God to get her feedback. According to my daughter, she doesn’t know who Job was.


            Not only that, but she read ‘Job’ — not with the long ‘o’ sound, but she said his name using the short ‘o’ sound. Of course, the long ‘o’ sound is what differentiates his name from the word that means work; as in, I have a job to do vs. Job, the man. Lauren was totally confused why I was writing a letter to God and explaining to Him that I wasn’t work with a capital J-O-B, when clearly I am. And, she also wanted me to know I’d left a word out of the same sentence. I should have used the article ‘a’ right before the word ‘job.’ So, technically, I’d written God a letter with a huge grammatical error in it. I should fix that before sending it.


            She’s confused? No, I’m confused. She thought I was actually sending God a real letter telling him ‘I AM NOT A JOB?’ Okay, maybe I am a work in progress, but she thought I could actually mail this or anything to God — in Heaven?!!! I wonder what the postage would cost for that. Or what His address is. Can you imagine being at the post office trying to mail this?

            Me: Uhm, I’m mailing a letter to God and need postage. No, I don’t have a street address. I don’t know his zip code either. He resides in Heaven. Does that help?

            Post Office Clerk: Listen, lady, you can’t just send a letter addressed to God in Heaven through the US Mail. Who do you think he is, Santa Claus at the North Pole? Here’s the deal, we don’t send letters to God, we PRAY! And we don’t pray to Santa Claus. We send him letters. Got it?

            Most importantly, how the hell could my daughter not know the biblical story of Job? I told her she needs to read her Bible. Or go to Church. Or both. Her brother knows the story of Job; so, how could she not?


            She said that she’s a 32-year-old woman who’s managed to get along just fine in the world without knowing who this Job character was and whatever his story is. 


            No, David, she didn’t say, “Take this Job and shove it!” 

What Lauren said — David (and everyone else) — was, “And I don’t need to know.”

            Can you believe that? Lauren doesn’t think she needs to know the story of Job.


            She also suggested that it was stupid for Job to have a name that — unless you knew who he was —you’d mispronounce. I said, “And who would do that? Who would mispronounce his name, Lauren, other than you? What Christian doesn’t know the story of Job, except you?”

            “I don’t know,” she said. “Maybe someone who isn’t Christian. Maybe someone who was, say, Jewish.”




            “Well, how was I supposed to know that?” she said.

            “Lauren, for the love of all that is holy — please, child, please stop talking.”

            Literally, y’all — this is bad! This is really, really bad! I hope my daughter’s not tempting fate God to give her a reason to have to find out just exactly who Job was — THE HARD WAY! Pray for my daughter, y’all! And Lord, please forgive her, she knows not what she says! Hey, I’m not even Catholic, but after this, I can’t seem to stop making the sign of the cross!)

            (Second note to reader: Apparently, my word program also doesn’t recognize who Job is and has also called me out on my grammar for the same reasons that Lauren did! What is going on?!)

And now for music —

This doesn’t really have anything to do with my post, BUT, I love this!!!! Hope you do, too. George Harrison, RIP!

and, of course —

And here’s Bruce’s contribution! Thanks, Bruce! Enjoy!





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Sparkle on in your own badass way,


20 thoughts on “Take This Job and Shove It!”

  1. Well, that was enlightening. I’ve never heard about the acronym ADIDAS until now! I’m glad you’re back to writing your book and blogging. I am a Christian too, but it’s soooo nuanced for me. You cracked me up with the retelling of your conversations with Lauren!

    • Hey Rhonda,
      Fingers crossed, I’m back to writing. I’m glad you found some of the things here enlightening and amusing. Thanks, my friend! Mona

    • Barbara,
      A great big thank you for your like! I’m not sure why my like button isn’t working on your end. It may be time for me to see if I can find a new “Word Press techie” to help me with my site. My old guy doesn’t do this any longer and I haven’t a clue where or how to find a new person to help. I have a feeling that whoever the new person ends up being, it will not be a face-to-face interaction because who does face-to-face anymore? So my PHP is out of date (whatever that means) and I can’t even imagine what else is! Also, one of the bloggers I’ve read for years and years, I can’t even get past the front page of her blog anymore. She said it had something to do with the new JetPack whatchamacallit. I guess if I don’t have this new and improved JetPack, I can’t read her posts anymore. What-the-fuck-ever! At least I haven’t had a problem getting on anyone else’s sites — thus, far. I have other weird stuff going on, too, with my social media sites. This may be a post all in itself. So, I haven’t a clue what’s going on anymore. I’m still re-orienting. It seems I’ve missed a lot of stuff since my eyes went off-line. Thank you for reading, anyway! I always look forward to all you add to the dialogue or even just knowing you’re there! I don’t know if you like the Beatles or George Harrison, but if you do, did you like this version of “Something” with Paul McCartney and Eric Clapton? This was from a tribute concert to George. Have a great rest of your week, my friend! Hugs, Mona

      • It’s a great song no matter who sings it. Well, maybe not Tiny Tim.
        I’ve got another blogger who suddenly I can’t like without first having to sign into WordPress – the option isn’t given to me here, but it’s a pain in the butt anyway – since I never had to do it before. And yes, the name JetPack sounds a little familiar. But if I can’t ‘like’ your page, why is it letting me comment on it? The answer is for wiser people than I am – as long as I continue to get your writings, I guess it doesn’t matter if I can answer. I can always find a way to chase you down!

        • Hey Barbara,
          I know, right? The whole blog thing has become way too convoluted. If it gets down to where you can’t read my blogs anymore for whatever reason, I’ll figure out a way to find you on another blogger’s site and give you a way to get in touch with me and then you and I can email or text or talk on the phone — whatever works for you! I have other people’s phone numbers I know through blogging. So, where there’s a will, there’s always a way. Also, about Tiny Tim — we’re just not going to go there, especially on our tip toes. Ha!

  2. I did not know about that “sneaker” acronym meaning, but apparently the musical group Korn titled one of their songs as such and it was in fact intended to represent that particular “thought activity.” Never heard that before. That baby shower thank-you card message was hysterical. I have a feeling that when I hear the expression “take this Job and shove it” from now on I’ll also refer back to the “Story of Job” you reported on here, Mona!

    • Excellent! I’ll find Korn’s ADIDAS, and add that to my playlist right after I finish typing this up! I love it when readers give me the heads up on stuff like that. Yep, my “other” kid has always been hysterical. I’m not sure whether to tell her to move, help her find an exorcist to cleanse her home or send her to a psychiatrist. As you mention, sometimes things take on a new perspective from the way we’ve always looked at them. 🙂 (I love when that happens!) Hope you’re enjoying your spring, Bruce! Do you have a new post out? Never mind, I’ll go and look right after I put Korn’s song on. Hugs, Mona

  3. Good to read your excerpt, Mona, it flew by and I enjoyed it, and although I am a heathen, the capital H kind, I know who Job is but I wish there was an e on the end as in Jobe. Also laughed at your “that’s what she said”

    • Thanks, Sherry! I agree that there should be an “e” on the end of his name. Also, I wrote you a ton in response to what you just wrote to me because you inspire me, but then my response to your comment got to be too long. So, that’s now elsewhere in my files and I think that’s going to become the basis of a new post or I’m going to put it in my book or something. Thanks for that, my friend! Confession — I started hearing and reading “that’s what she said” all over the place. I hadn’t a clue what it meant. Then I started hearing my daughter, Lauren, saying that. I asked her what that phrase meant because I’d been hearing it a lot. So she explained it to me. So, then, I started using it tentatively. It took me a time or two to get the hang of it. The first time I used it, my daughter looked at me in horror and said, “No, Mom! You don’t use that phrase when Dad asks, ‘What are we having for dinner?’ No. Oh, God! Now I can’t get that whole thing out of my head. Why did you say that out loud around me?” Then she started making gagging noises like she was about to throw up. Talk about drama. Geez, Louise. Oh well. I mean, she’s the one who taught me how to use that phrase. So, I don’t know why she’s complaining. Her reaction was funny, though. 🙂 That doesn’t make me a bad mom, does it? Have a great weekend, my friend! Mona

  4. I’m ashamed to admit that my fourteen-year-old brain did not know what ADIDAS meant. But now I do. But will I remember it? Prolly not.
    The baby shower note: LOL LOL LOL!!

    Your conversation with Lauren is hilarious. I’m probably in the same boat, my girls might not know who Job is.

    • Hey Suz,
      Glad you learned something new today and that you enjoyed this. 😉 Have a great weekend, my friend! Mona

    • THANKS, BOO! It’s good to be back! I’m loving all of the trivia on your blog, my friend! Mona

  5. The story of Job is kind of messed up so maybe it’s just as well Lauren didn’t know it, although I think it’s better she didn’t know the impolite version of ADIDAS. Funny thing about the athletic wear: when I was a kid, before I heard the impolite version, I thought “Adidas” was Spanish for something. Like “adios” but with an extra “d”. Weirdly enough “adios” translates literally as “to God”, or “I give you to God,” which is a terrifying way to say farewell to someone. I’d rather say, “See you later!”
    Getting back to Job–getting the Job done, you might say–I think Lauren would be better off with the story of Jonah. A guy who gets swallowed by a whale then hangs out under a gourd vine is, to my mind, much more instructive. Job’s suffering is terrible but Jonah’s a procrastinator, and we can all relate to that. So now that I’ve planted that seed see you later!

    • Hey Christopher,
      Since I’ve never read the story of Jonah — I KNOW, RIGHT?!!!! I vaguely remember something about a whale, but I think I get that mixed up with Moby Dick, which I also get mixed up with Pinocchio. I’ve never read any of these stories, but I hear they’re all a whale of a tale! Ha! And now that I’m thinking about it, this is for you, my friend! https://youtu.be/AkjTGCrLvAU

      I agree with you about the story of Job. At this point, Lauren has been questioning people she knows about both ADIDAS and Job (the two just don’t seem to go together, do they?) and decided she should at least get a summary of it. After reading a very condensed version, she declared, like you, “That is messed up!” I believe she said those exact words. I’d say “adios” but I don’t want to traumatize you further. So, later, gator! 🙂 Mona

  6. This essay is a hoot. And, though it’s seemingly disjointed, it isn’t. It all holds together just fine because you write with a whole lot of attitude and with a fiery spirit. I like it!

  7. You rock, Mona! Love the Job bits, the “that’s what she said,” and the ADIDAS stuff. For a moment, I wasn’t sure you were going to divulge that info, like maybe with with another acronym – IYKYK. Enjoyed this post very much!

    • Roger,
      I would never leave my Wayward Friends hanging. Well, I say that and…I might…but only under rare circumstances. Hopefully, no one’s left hanging on this post. Glad you enjoyed it! I hope everyone reading what you wrote is “in the know!” Ha! Mona


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