Itchier Than Sparkles in the Asscrack (Thank You, Sarah Silvey – not that Sarah gave me Sparkles in My Asscrack – She just came up with this title – which begs the question: Sarah, how many times have you had sparkles in your asscrack?)

I wish I had a great colloquialism for how bad I itch — but hey, y’all are a creative and verbose bunch, help an itchy bitch here with a great simile or metaphor, will ya? I will name this post after the one I like best and attribute it to you!