Roman Holiday

On this hot, steamy summer morning, I woke up just early enough to get my shower and head out the door to get my 7:30 AM Xolair shots. Only I wasn’t early enough, apparently, because my son beat me to the bathroom. Again.

Ryan was in there a loooong time — showering and doing bathroom things that I have no interest in knowing about. I was highly annoyed because this is the second time in the last two days when I wasn’t able to use my bathroom because Ryan managed to get there first. In both instances, I was late to where I needed to be.

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So while I waited for the bathroom to free up, I read Kat’s new post at Angel Who Swears, To Pee or Not to Pee,” which was funny as shi hysterical! If you haven’t read it, you should. Matter of fact, it’s very relevant to this post; so please, take a moment and read that now.

Let me just say, I’ve done the pee pee dance before. Kat hit the nail on the head with this one! Anyway, I commented on her post and, eventually, the bathroom opened up.

I finally got my shower, dressed, headed out, got my shots and came back home. I pulled up to our house and sat in the car with the AC on. I wanted to read a few blog posts before I headed inside. The next thing I know, Ryan’s tapping on the window. I unlocked the car and he opened the passenger’s side door.

“Say Mother, how would you like to go out for breakfast this morning?”

“Do you have any money?” I asked.

“No,” he said. “Don’t you?”

“Not really,” I replied. “But if David wants to take us out, I’m game. You’ll have to ask him, though.”

So Ry disappeared and I resumed reading blogs. The next thing I know, David’s tapping on the window.

As it turned out, David and Ryan both wanted to go, so we headed to the Pancake House and had a nice, leisurely breakfast. When we got home, I decided I needed a nap. David and Ryan decided they needed a short rest, as well. We all went back to bed.

That’s when I had a dream.

I’d just come from Texas to visit Kat at her house in Oklahoma. I knocked on her door. Someone let me in but told me Kat was out at the moment.

I heard saws and hammers and work going on inside. I was told that Kat’s house was being renovated due to all of the storms this past spring. I peeked just past the entrance and into the living room where walls were being torn down and new construction was going up. I took a video of the hard work going on. Then I said, “Excuse me, I’m going to go find a bathroom,” and I left.

I stepped away from her house and all of a sudden I was in a dark theatre. I was looking for the bathroom and realized that the only way to go was up a very wide staircase to the second floor. I could hear people talking up there.

As I started climbing these stairs, I  noticed the stairway was very dark. I could barely make out each step. I stepped on what I thought was a stair but it was actually empty air that turned into a slide. I slid all the way down to the bottom of the staircase. That’s when I realized that the steps were rigged, and you had to be careful and plan how you approached each step or you wouldn’t get to the top.

I finally made it upstairs and I saw Kat. She said she was wondering what had taken me so long. I told her that I took a really good video of the work being done on her house and was going to name my new blog The Fall of the House of Roman or Roman Conquest but I wasn’t sure which, yet. She started laughing.

All of a sudden, people dressed in medieval costume were fighting with swords all around us. Kat told me they were actors and they were having a dress rehearsal. I told her I was looking for the restroom and she pointed to the lit up “Restroom” sign.

I followed the neon sign to a tiny dressing room with just a bare toilet inside. The room didn’t have a door, it only had a ratty old curtain that barely provided any privacy. I told the several people waiting outside the curtain that I couldn’t pee while they were standing there. They started laughing, but they left. That’s when I noticed there wasn’t any toilet paper.

I came out screaming that I wasn’t going to drip dry. Who had the damned toilet paper? People started laughing and running away from me. I didn’t see Kat anywhere, and I decided that I’d better just leave. I started looking for the exit but couldn’t find it, and that’s when I heard someone say, “Here come the midget clowns.”

Whap! I woke up to the sound of a stapler being hit hard.

David was in his office working.

My bladder was very full. I ran to the safety, comfort and privacy of my own bathroom. The toilet paper roll was as I left it — full. Thank God!

It’s the little things in life that I appreciate the most —

except clowns.

TTFN,

Mona

PS ~ Thanks, Kat. Lille, too.

 

29 thoughts on “Roman Holiday”

    • Kat,
      Be careful what you wish for! I’m glad I got to the bathroom, too! Just in the nick of time! ~ M

  1. OMFG I am SO SO SO SO SORRY about the midget clowns! I would never have done that to you on purpose! Not clowns. No. Not clowns.

        • Sarah,
          I think even my subconscious knew I wouldn’t be able to handle that and, thankfully, allowed me to wake up! For those who are not aware, the midget clowns in my dream stem from a post that Lille Sparven wrote called “What it is like to sell a computer” at: http://www.lillesparven.com/2019/06/what-it-is-like-to-sell-computer.html . Funny how our minds incorporate things and ideas going on around us — what we see, hear and read — into our dreams. Except for midget clowns…which are not at all funny. LOL. At least my brain’s effed up like that. It can have a wicked sense of humor! Mona

    • Robin,
      Welcome to my blog aka my life aka my nightmare, sometimes!

      You know, my weirdest dreams (and this has happened several times through the years) is that I’m dreaming that I’ve lost one or more teeth. The worst is when one falls out and then there’s the ripple effect of them all falling out one by one. I wake up terrified and the first thing I do is run my tongue over my teeth to make sure they’re all still there! That dream’s scary!

      Also, it’s my pleasure to introduce you to Kat’s blog. That woman can write things that will literally having me pee my pants. Wait. Just ignore that last little bit. Kat’s screamingly funny; and clearly, her last post stuck with me when I napped.

      BTW, I always encourage my readers to check each others’ blogs out! For those who don’t know Robin already, she is The Haphazard Homemaker and you can find her by clicking on her name above or here: https://haphazardhomemaker.com/. She just wrote a totally relatable piece on procrastination. I am so guilty of that in my life!

    • I can totally relate, most of my dreams include queues for the loo, loos with no doors, broken doors, filthy clogged toilets…yuck! Any dreams analyst in the building?

      • Marie,
        Welcome to Wayward Sparkles! Yes, I wonder what your dreams mean. I’m not sure I’d get much sleep if most of what I dreamed about was the loo. I’m so sorry.

        Is there anyone out there that can interpret Marie’s dreams? Mona

    • Anita,
      It’s so good to hear from you! So sorry to hear about your bladder; but I guess you got to hear about mine; so that’s fair. Also, now I’m terrified that one day I’m going to wake up with a bladder that’s lost all of its stretch. I’m not sure what that means, but I don’t think I want to find out from personal experience. So, empathy is mutual.

      Until next time my friend, stay dry!
      Mona

    • Awww…Thanks bunches, River! I was having a crappy morning until I read this, and now I feel better-ish! You are too kind and I hope I won’t let you down.
      Mona

  2. Okay, so I have been having “need to pee” dreams the last few days, which leaves me feeling a faint urge all day. I read the blogs mentioned in the main blog, then down the rabbit hole to Robin’s blog, and when I get to the video of the TED talk, the (&*(*&^(*&^(* “drip” sound that is part of their intro just about sent me over the edge. Not cool, interwebs, not cool.

    • Sharon,
      All I can say is that we must all be on the same wave length or something. Personally, I blame Kat, not that I’m too much of a conspiracy theorist or anything; but if we have to blame someone, we should blame Kat (love you Kat)… OR WE COULD BLAME KELLY, BECAUSE WE HAVEN’T BLAMED KELLY FOR ANYTHING LATELY! YESSSS!!!!!!
      BTW, I love the TED talks; and you are right, it does have that drop of water at the beginning. Yep, it’s a conspiracy all right! LOL!!!! Anyway, since we are sharing here, care to elaborate on your “need to pee” dreams? Mona

  3. Have you ever peed in real life, and it was so relaxing, you had to do a reality check to make sure you’re not dreaming and wetting the bed?

    • Sarah,
      That’s an interesting question because I’ve never thought to describe the peeing sensation before. I’d say that peeing is blissful relief; however, I wouldn’t go so far as to say it’s ecstatic or relaxing or has made me question whether I’m dreaming or not. However, I’m more than willing to hear your thoughts/experiences on the subject as long as we aren’t breaking any laws that can land us in jail; where, I understand, peeing and other things are not private; which means I would die because I wouldn’t be able to pee the entire time I was there. One more reason I hope to never be incarcerated. My bladder would never forgive me! I hope that answers your question.
      Mona

  4. That was a very detailed dream. I, too, am an avid napper. I will need one after my upcoming vacation to Vancouver – my youngest daughter is dancing in National Championships there, so the vacation begins AFTER the competition. Touring is exhausting, but the potential worst part of this vacation is that for 3 days my husband and I and our 6 children will be staying in an airbnb with just one bathroom!!! I anticipate many pee dreams during those 3 days (and lots of bickering). Good times.

  5. Hi Ernie,
    Welcome to my blog! Congratulations to your daughter and…vacation? 8 people and 1 bathroom?!!!!! I feel for you. I’ve been on “vacation” with my husband and just 2 kids and that was difficult. We’re going to assume that what doesn’t kill you will only make you stronger; however, I think you’re entitled to a weekend retreat, by yourself, afterward! You can nap there. That’s called regaining your sanity. Definitely give yourself some down time if you can.

    Oh, also…yes…my dream was vivid. I rarely remember my dreams, but when I woke up from this one, I immediately ran to my computer and started typing it up before I forgot it. Thanks for checking in and I hope to see you again, soon! Mona

  6. I used to totally relate to that skeleton having grown up in a family of seven (with FIVE females) and just one bathroom. Needless to say, I had to occasionally do some of my tinkling in a discreet place outside…

    • Hey ES,
      One does learn to adapt. Don’t tell anyone, but I’ve been to many a keg party in my day where I ended up having to pee in the bushes. Oh to be 15 again! I mean 19. Yeah. Old enough to drink…because I wouldn’t want to break the law or anything. ~ M

  7. Do you think the dream was suggesting that you remodel Ryan’s bathroom? You know, so he would have his own haven. Having lived alone for awhile now I’ve noticed when I have overnight company I stress over “sharing space” even though I love having company.

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