Retraction Action


Lauren is horrified. I know this because she called me Friday evening and gave me an earful. Actually, she demanded that I go to the second part of my Mother’s Day post — the Harry Potter argument post — and change it. According to my daughter, I misquoted her, though I believe she actually used different words — something about how I “libeled” her and she wanted me to remedy the situation. Immediately. Or else!

Well, at least I know Miss Bossy Busy Pants took the time to read it.

Apparently, Lauren fears that I’ve sullied her know-it-all reputation as a Harry Potter expert among her fellow Harry Potter aficionados because I wrote that she said that “Voldemort killed Cedric Diggory during the Quidditch match.”

I argued, “But that’s what you said.”

She countered with, “No, it’s not!”

“I’m pretty sure that’s what you said!”

“That is not what I said and I would have never said that because that’s not what happened!”

“Well, what did you say then?”

Lauren said, “I never said Quidditch match, I said Tri-Wizard…”

Okay, I’m not going to even attempt to hazard a guess what words Lauren said that came after “Tri-Wizard.” Matter of fact, I’m going on record that I’m not even sure she said “Tri-Wizard,” even though that’s what I heard her say over the phone Friday, but not during our original argument last Sunday on Mother’s Day.

I said, “Well last Sunday, ‘Quidditch match’ is what I heard you say. Maybe it’s like that whole oral illusion thing that everyone’s talking about right now  — you know, it’s the — what do you hear: Yanny or Laurel thing? I heard one thing and others may have heard something else. So Lauren, what did you hear? Yanny or Laurel?”

She said, “Oh no you don’t. This is nothing like the Yanny/Laurel debate. And quit trying to change the subject. And I heard both words.”

“Both? How the hell did you hear both?”

Lauren said that when you play the word (at different frequencies? maybe), then the word “Laurel” sounds like “Yanny.”

She said, “I’ve listened to the word at both frequencies. That’s how I heard both.”

“Ooohhh! Cool, very cool. I heard Laurel though. And I also heard ‘Quidditch match.'”

Lauren swears that she never said this and she’s beginning to think I really am crazy. I told her that if I misquoted her, then I was sorry — but at that moment I could not change anything on the post because I wasn’t even in town. I was on the road. I suggested that she make a comment at the end of that post and set the record straight about that and anything else I allegedly got wrong because according to Lauren — I, apparently, got something else wrong too. Or maybe it was even more than just one more thing that I got wrong. Hell, for the life of me, I’m beginning to doubt that I got anything right! I’m beginning to doubt that I was even there! Matter of fact, at this point, I’m even beginning to doubt whether I’ve even seen any of the Harry Potter films!

I said, “Well, we’ll just chalk this up to the fact that I was drinking Bloody Marys at the time this conversation all went down.”


Mother’s Day Bloody Mary at Macaroni Grill! Yum!

Yeah, well — Yanny/Laurel — Quidditch match/Tri-Wizard. Whatevs.

So, today, I’m finally getting around to dealing with this little snafu. I offer a full retraction to whatever it was that I got wrong on that particular post that my daughter Lauren is having an issue with. I hereby absolve my daughter Lauren and by doing so this fully clears Lauren of any responsibility for whatever and however I may or may not have quoted her regarding the facts about anything having to do with our argument/conversation about ‘Harry Potter’, etc., etc. ad nauseum.


However, I noticed that Lauren has yet to take the time to clear up anything she took issue with over the phone in the appropriate comment section, which is why it is there — so you can say what you want — in your own words — without being accidentally misquoted or having something you said accidentally taken out of context!

I’m just saying that as of this date, Sunday, 5/20/18, Lauren hasn’t officially written anything down in her own words and commented about any of this anywhere in my blog to set the record straight, so it must not be that important. Or else, she’s still too busy working on other things to find the time to do this.

Either way, pay up, Child! I want the fifty cents you owe me!

P.S. By the way, Lauren — if Laurel sounds like Yanny, does this mean that I can now start calling you “Yawnin’?” (Just playing!) I love you! (not playing about that!)

Okay, Wayward Friends, so who of you hears Yanny? And who hears Laurel?


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