So this is the second part or a continuation of my Mother’s Day conversations/ arguments with my daughter. If you haven’t already read Marvel-ous Mother’s Day, you can click on it here!
Lauren, David and I got a bite to eat after seeing The Avengers: Infinity War on Sunday — and as my husband likes to remind everyone, “Mother’s Day is the worst day of the year to try and eat out, especially if you don’t have a reservation!”
By the way, Lauren still owes me fifty cents because I bet her that David would make that comment at least once (because he’s done this every year for as long as I’ve known him) — and true to form, he did! However, Lauren’s now arguing that I provoked him into saying this (as if I had that kind of power), thereby forfeiting the win because it wasn’t a spontaneous utterance on his part. But even if I did, which I didn’t, so what? I have since asked to see the fine print of the rules for this wager. Also, I may have to get an attorney involved if I ever expect to collect on my fifty cents. I wonder if I can sue for compound interest.
Eating at Macaroni Grill turned out to be a bit of a wait — but we were in the bar, which was fine because Lauren and I still had a bunch of things to discuss and catch up on. Also, I did just mention that we sat in the bar — so how can that be a bad thing for three grown adults? However, even with drinks in hand, or perhaps because we had been drinking, one of our discussions threatened to turn ugly.
Me: So Infinity War reminds me of that Harry Potter movie that was so bleak. It kind of bummed everyone out. Remember?
Lauren: You mean the one where Dumbledore dies?
Lauren: You mean the one where Sirius Black dies?
Me: I don’t think so. You know, it’s the one where the kid dies. He drowns at the start of the movie. That was an ominous start to a kid’s movie — damn! And the movie we just saw kind of reminded me of that.
Lauren: What drowning?
Me: You know, when the kid — one of the students — drowned.
Lauren: Are you talking about when Voldemort killed Cedric Diggory during the Quidditch match?
Me: Uhm. Could be. Did Voldemort drown him?
Lauren: Uh, no…
Me: Then that’s not the movie. I think it was like the third or fourth movie. I’m not sure. I thought you knew all of this stuff.
Lauren: Okay, seriously, you really pissed me off in the restroom talking about Superman and Wonder Woman and you just need to stop right now because all you’re doing is winding me up and making me really mad at you! Again. I’m the Harry Potter expert in this family — not you!
Me: Hey, I know a little about Harry Potter, and, btw, if you had to get pissed off, well, at least you were in the right place — the restroom!
Lauren: Then tell me, since you know so much, who was Fred Weasley?
Me: You know, he was one of the Weasley kids.
Lauren: Which Weasley kid, though?
Me: Well, you know, there were so many.
Lauren: Well, yes. But Fred was the twin brother of George. And Fred is the one who gets killed!
Me: Well, yeah, duh. I knew that! I mean that was so obvious, I didn’t want to insult your intelligence by telling you something that everyone already knows.
Lauren: You’re so full of yourself! Okay, then, who is Molly Weasley?
Me: She was, you know, another—
Lauren: No, she wasn’t!
Me: Wasn’t what? If you’d have let me finish, I was going to say ‘another Weasley family member, the mom.’
Lauren: You lie.
Me: You mean you’re going to tell me she wasn’t the mom?
Lauren: No, I mean that wasn’t what you were going to originally say. You were going to say that she was another kid.
Me: Rude. And no I wasn’t, but now I guess you’ll never know for sure because you didn’t let me finish — you interrupted me.
Lauren: Fine. Okay then, who was Dobby?
Me: You mean, the elf?
Lauren: But what was he known for?
Me: For being — dead? Dobby, the dead elf!
Lauren: Oh, no you didn’t! You did not just go there!
Me: Didn’t go where? What?
Lauren: I can’t believe you! You take that back right now! You just crossed a line from which you cannot return!
Me: Why? Is Dobby not dead?
Lauren: Yes, but—
Me: No, buts, then. You asked a question and that’s what he’s known for — being dead. Everyone freaks out about it, but it’s the truth. Don’t ask questions when you can’t handle the truth. And by the way, I believe the game is pronounced kidditch, not quidditch. I know it’s spelled with a q-u-i, but it’s pronounced with a “k” sound.
Lauren: Okay, I am deeply ashamed of you right now and when I tell Kelly about this, she, too, will be ashamed of you. And no one, NO ONE SAYS KIDDITCH LIKE IT STARTS WITH A ‘K’! And, also — WHY? Why, Mom, would you even think it’s pronounced that way?!!! I’m beginning to second guess my parentage right now. It’s quidditch with a q-u-i/ “kwi” sound. That’s how you say every word that starts with q-u-i. Quick. Quill. Quiet. Quidditch.
Me: So what you’re telling me is that you believe quiche is really pronounced kweesh? Or even worse, kwish? That makes absolutely no sense. All I’m saying is that quidditch has the same beginning “k” sound, just like quiche does. It sounds stupid to say it the way you’re saying it. You sound like Elmer Fudd or Barry Kripke from Big Bang trying to say this word. It just sounds wrong. So just stop. Please.
Lauren: OH MY GOD! No, Mom. I will not stop! YOU STOP! I’m the one saying it the right way — just like the rest of the world! You’re the one who’s wrong here!
Me: Hey, calm down and lower your voice! We’re in a public restaurant — or do you also say ‘westauwant’?
Lauren: Dad, make her stop! I’m going to hit her in a minute.
David: Okay. Both of you calm down. And you, (he’s looking at me) you need to quit it, you’re upsetting Lauren.
Me: No. You quit it! Or should I say, ‘No, you quidditch!” Heeeeheeehee!
Lauren: Okay, I’m officially not talking to you anymore.
Me: So are you going to pay me my fifty cents you owe me?
Lauren: All depends. I’ll give you fifty cents the moment you take back everything you just said.
Me: HAA HAA HAA! Yeah, right.
Wayward Friends — Feel free to join in on this debate in the comment section below — if you dare!
Sparkle On, Y’all!
Lauren and I talked on the phone for a few minutes yesterday (Monday.) She relayed the fact that she’d told Kelly what I said about, well, everything on Mother’s Day, but especially the Harry Potter argument we had. She said at first Kelly was, indeed, quite disappointed in me — but then after hearing my reasoning, she told Lauren that I make a valid argument about the whole quidditch pronunciation!
And that is why Kelly is now my favorite! So, if Lauren doesn’t like it — well, she knows who she can blame!
Since this post, I’ve posted a retraction regarding the above, and you can find it on my 5/20/18 post entitled, “Retraction Action.”