Well, damn! Mona, that sucks. Straight up just sucks. The biggest problem, of course, is that it appears dad knows exactly what the score is and he just doesn’t care. Like he said, he’s gonna do what he’s gonna do. It will be, I think, impossible to accept that in him but you’ll have to try – try – to accept the situation and not let it break you.
Remember the serenity prayer (I’m not religious, but it’s awesome advice I try to tell myself a lot): have the serenity to accept the things you cannot change,
the courage to change the things you can, and (most importantly) the wisdom to know the difference.
My heart goes out to you, Mona. Stay well!
Liked by you
Thanks for the advice. I have learned to loathe the Serenity Prayer, but I’ll try to embrace it here because…there doesn’t seem to be any other decent alternative. Frankly, I wonder whether Dad has the mental capacity to make this kind of decision. He walks around and talks about how sharp his mind is, which makes me wonder. Yesterday, he reminded me he has a “sharp mind” no less than four times. Yesterday was also his birthday, but he didn’t even remember it was even after I said Happy Birthday to him several times, even after we talked about his birthday throughout the week several times.
Half of me wants to butt out and run, the other half feels protective toward my Dad, even, unfortunately, from himself. I’ve always been a live and let live kind of person, (he’s a hoarder, but it hasn’t gotten so bad that I’ve felt the need to turn him in; and I’ve been trying to work with him on that so it doesn’t get much worse;) but I despise when someone preys upon the vulnerable (he’s incredibly lonely) and I feel like this is that situation.
There is no way this 31-year old has my Dad’s best interests at heart. And she shouldn’t either. Her interests should be in taking care of her four young children. However, to use my Dad in order to make that happen is unconscionable. If he were rich and had his shit together, then why not, I suppose. However, he he doesn’t possess either of those assets/abilities. As I told my Dad, who believes this woman is very sweet and kind, all predators are until they aren’t. Otherwise, they couldn’t do what they do. I believe he’s getting himself into a really bad situation that he won’t be able to get out of once the deed is done.
The mind is an amazing thing. As people age, they can fool other people (especially loved ones) into thinking they have it together and yet, when put to the test, they can end up losing their rights because they demonstrate they’ve lost the ability to discern and make good judgments about their own care. I have to wonder that if he told a judge, hey it’s okay for this much younger person to use me because I’m lonely, would that judge believe he’s making good judgments about his own welfare?
I mean, hell, I don’t want him to be lonely; yet, he’s decided that women 50 and older are too old for him. He likes pretty, young women, which is a little creepy to me but up until two days ago seemed innocuous; but that’s really beside the point. I guess the point is, he is specific about his criteria required to soothe his loneliness, which kind of undermines his search for companionship that doesn’t put him in a really at-risk position.
He likes to compare himself to the billionaire who married Anna Nicole Smith. He’s told me that several times too. Well, he is not a billionaire. He lives on SS, but he owns his home. Property values in Texas (at least where we live) have skyrocketed in value over the last few years. This woman doesn’t have a paying job. I bet she’s got a boyfriend, though (other than my father.) (Okay, that was wrong of me to say.) Probably.
People don’t want to lose their independence as they age; yet, it’s inevitable. So just like we don’t (at least not in our culture) let our twelve-year-olds get married or date adults, even if they really, really want to, they simply aren’t capable of making those kinds of decisions. In that same vein, we also have to consider whether a person who is aged (and has diminished capacity) is able to make those decisions for themselves. That’s why we have both child abuse and eldercare abuse protection acts. Right?
Sorry, I’m not trying to argue with you, Tom. I guess I’m just trying to work out some things in my head and somehow I felt safe enough to do it on your blog. Do I need to send you money for the therapy? Again, so sorry. Also, maybe I’ll cut and paste this into a new post on my own blog since this is what’s consuming me at the moment.
Again, I’ll stop now (at least here.)
STILL LEFT TO DO TODAY
So, yeah, that’s how my life is going on Friday at 7:42 PM. Now I have to go and make dinner. Then I have laundry to fold and put away. And there are bills to pay. Then I’ll need to get started on my friend’s resume and cover letter, which she’s expecting tomorrow. Then I can start beta reading for my other friend. I probably won’t be able to get to anyone else’s blog until…who knows when…but I’ll try.
If any of you have any advice, knowledge or experience with a similar situation to my Dad’s or any of the other things I’ve listed above, especially Discovery+, you will be a Godsend or Universe-send if you prefer, and I’ll be very grateful.
Normally, I’d provide music. Sorry, y’all…maybe next time. Hey, if you have music you think would be awesome for this post, please provide a link! I could use some music right now. A stiff drink, too!
A GREAT BIG THANK YOU TO TOM FOR LISTENING AND BEING SO KIND!
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20 thoughts on “Of Chaos, Madness, Predators and Prey aka Another Day In the Life”
You need to google “elder abuse” and look for an 800# to call and ask them what to do about your Dad. They will be able to tell you the steps you need to take in order to get the government involved. He may be furious with you, but you need to decide how far you want to take it and still live with yourself. Let’s also not forget that if they really just want his money, his life expectancy might wind up shorter than nature has planned.
I’m so sorry that you’re going through this crap all at once – not that it would be better one-at-a-time, but at least it wouldn’t be quite so overwhelming!
You really need some time away from your own head and a good long hug. I’m wishing and hoping that at least some of this stuff gets straightened out for your peace of mind. (Why can’t you call your t.v. provider and ask them what the heck is going on with Discovery+ – or Discovery+ directly? Whoever you’re making payments to needs to help you through this – that’s what ‘customer service’ is for!)
Holy WTF Mona, I’m so sorry your having one shit show after another. I tried to comment on the WP site and I wrote a long and supportive post. But for some reason it didn’t, ugh anyway, keep the faith my friend. I honestly believe that God doesn’t give us more than we can handle. I agree with Barbara, you need to notify the authorities or Adult Protective Services about this 31 year old predator. Or as I mentioned in my response in my post, I can be there in 24 hrs with all the taps, duct tape, shovels to take care of this “problem.” Stray strong Mona, it’s in our nature to overcome, we are strong women, we can take on whatever comes our way!
Unfortunately I don’t have advice on any of these issues because I haven’t had experience with them, although I do think BarbaraM was helpful, but one thing I can say is that I hope you have supportive people around you. And it sounds like you do, and I hope you can and will turn to them. The saying “it takes a village to raise a child” has become cliche because it’s true, but it extends beyond just raising a child. Villages are made of families and it takes a village, or at least part of one, to help families through a crisis. Especially when your crisis has more “But wait! There’s more!” than a late night infomercial.
Actually I do have experience with MusicChoice–it’s great background when I’m working sometimes, and I can’t understand why any provider would drop it. That just seems cruel and also makes me want to recreate the “One Of My Turns” scene from Pink Floyd’s The Wall, minus the groupie because I wouldn’t want to risk hurting anyone, and probably minus the hand on the broken glass bit because I wouldn’t want to hurt myself either.
And I do have experience with writing comments and then, I think, closing the window before I hit the “Send” or “Post” or whatever button makes it stick. I think we’ve all done that, and it’s a good closing note because it emphasizes that you are not alone.
Oh Mona! Oh my God – what a nightmare! I agree with everyone else, you need to get the authorities involved regarding your dad, the predator and the hoarding.
A senior living arrangement would probably fix the “lonely” problem – although I recognize he doesn’t want that. But that being said, my MIL moved into a senior living facility back in December. I talked to her last week and she told me she is so very happy (this made me so happy for her because I was concerned about this move) and wished she’d done it sooner. She’s so busy she’s informed her children that they can only call on Sundays at a certain time.
As for the writing responses in your head while in bed? I do the same but for blog posts…which means that a lot of posts get forgotten before I wake up to write them. :-/
Sending hugs and wine…lots and lots of wine and hugs.
Oh no! I wish I could help. I’m a big believer in personal freedoms, even to a great extent when somebody is only half there. But this is a little hard. I wonder if she maybe would keep her end of the bargain and take care of him in his age? If having kids around might be fun for him? But you know everyone involved best. If it’s as you say then, lawyer up!
I’m probably more helpful in the tv app department. It won’t let you uninstall the original app right? Have you ensured your TV has had all it’s latest updates? Sometimes just waiting a week will fix the problem, as new updates get rolled out to fix what the earliest update broke, heh. And this is an extreme solution but you could try resetting you’re TV to factory settings and then installing the new app … But you will have to install everything else you had too which might not be fun.
Hugs from here
Oh my gosh, Mona. Everything I might think of saying might seem trite at this point. That’s so much to deal with, and thank you for putting it out here. I wish you luck with your attorney conversation.
And – we have been invaded by gnats too over the past month or so. I have these little plastic apples I bought on Amazon with a liquid lure (smells like apple cider vinegar) – meant to trap them inside. Only one gnat made it in there (wait – two now in one of them none in the other). What’s up with the gnats?
Anyway – wishing you the best always.
So life has picked back up as swiftly, unpredictably and as Christopher from Freethinker’s Anonymous is wont to say, “nucking futz” as it was when we went into the pandemic. Actually, that’s not true. Life’s worse. Much more hectic. There’s less time to get stuff done. Much more that needs to get done. Too much all at once. It doesn’t stop. Not even at night when I’m supposed to sleep and recoup from the day before. And Christopher, I just want you to know that I’ve now included “nucking futz” into my daily vocabulary, so thank you for that and know that I will always give you credit for that, my friend!
Between appliances (refrigerator, burner on my cooktop, lawn mower–is a lawnmower an appliance? tool? just what category does it belong?) and electronics (including my phone, my computer and David’s computer); and also our landline phones and also our vehicles, and Ryan’s eyeglasses — all of which have gone down, broken or failed and had to get repaired or replaced —
and Discovery+ being… uncooperative… I’m no longer able to watch this service because I get a message that says I need to download their new app from our TV’s app store. So I’ve gone into our TV’s app store and I press the button there to download the new app and then I get a message saying I need to download their new app from the TV’s app store…so I try it again and I get the same message. It’s a never-ending, vicious circle of lies that doesn’t make any sense and so I no longer have the ability to watch what I’m paying for and I can’t even get their stupid app off of my TV and…even my daughter who knows and understands all of this stuff can’t get the damned thing to cooperate…
and I want to become physically violent and put the damned TV through the wall…but I don’t…because I’m still better than that. Check back with me in another week or two. I may have become less better by then and have actually done it!
Then our service provider for cable TV decided they are no longer carrying Music Choice (about 20 or more different music channels offering different genres of music), which we watched/listened to ALL THE TIME!!!!!! and we also used to help Ryan de-escalate whenever he has his frequent/daily meltdowns…so that’s one less tool in our arsenal to help him out… *I’M SCREAMING IN MY HEAD!!!!!!!* Also, it’s a good thing I’m not sitting in front of our TV right now. Just saying…
DID SOMEONE SAY “HOARDING”?
So besides that, I’ve been working with my Dad trying to make heads or tails out of his hoarded house and instill a little less stuff and a little more cleanliness and organization into his home and life. *smh* Dad, too, is uncooperative; however, if it works out the way I plan, all of this (in detail) is going into the book I’m writing.
BTW, I lost my eyeglasses in Dad’s hoard. It’s been weeks and they still haven’t surfaced. I now have a new pair. That in itself is the most messed up story, though, which I’ve already written about, just not here on this blog. I was going to publish it here, but the story kept getting longer and longer and now it’s a fully-fledged chapter in my book, whenever I get my book fully-fledged out.
So, remember those few weeks when I didn’t post anything at all? Yeah, all of the above was going on.
BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE…
David’s son came in from Cali and he was coming over with his young sons and I had to stop everything and start cleaning house because I hadn’t cleaned the house for company in close to two years…and it’s not that it’s filthy…but it was worse than I thought. Then I got sick (sinus and ears.) And don’t get me started on the gnats that have invaded our house. I’ve tried everything — bowls of wine, sticky strips, bug spray, flyswatter…exorcism…they’re still here!!!!!
Also, Dad had an accident a few months ago (in April) and I’m running him to doctors and other professionals…you just wouldn’t believe everything that’s going on if I told you; but it’s all going in the book. Fingers crossed.
As I can, I’ve been reading my blogger friends’ posts in the wee hours of the night (when I can’t sleep.) I actually found out last week that I’ve been writing responses to these posts in my head only. The next day or two later, I go back and check on these posts and am surprised to find that I didn’t actually physically write a response when I thought I did. WTF? Because that’s how I’m rolling right now.
So just know, I’m falling asleep actually writing a response to you as I’m reading your post. It may not actually get to you, but I’m doing it and I hope that makes you feel special. I promise I’m not purposely ignoring any of you. So when you wonder why I’ve not written a response to your wonderful, amazing post…know that I have in my head. Spirit willing…flesh not able at present…or something like that. Sorry, y’all! Has this happened to anyone else? Please tell me you’ve done this too!
Plus, I’m still working on my book and this blog. Life has given me too much fodder and I’m not sure whether I’m coming or going at present.
WRITER’S GROUP RETURNS
Plus, this past week, we just started meeting face-to-face at my writers group again. It was wonderful seeing people I haven’t seen in over a year and a half. There was a ton of laughter and it was great catching up! It was great listening to their stories as well. One person got published in Chicken Soup for the Soul! Yay, Donna! Way to go, Woman! (I’m not sure Donna actually reads my blog, but just in case…) Anyway, I’ve sorely missed my IRL peeps.
Plus a former writers group member just contacted me (yesterday) and is sending me her newly published book. It’s a children’s book. If it’s wonderful (can’t wait to read it), I’ll give it a review here. Or at least I’ll try. Anyway, she’s got my address now and, hopefully, I’ll get the book in the next week or two. At this point, later is definitely better. I told her I wouldn’t be able to read it until after I finished beta reading for another friend.
TRYING MY HAND OUT AT —
And yes! There is so much going on in my life right now that I decided to beta read for a friend. I’m hoping it will offer me escape!
Also, I’m committed to writing a resume and generic cover letter for someone, which is due tomorrow!
Ryan has started going to his group’s events again.
Then there was Father’s Day and the 4th of July. All stories that I probably won’t get to tell because who has time?!!!
ALSO, I JUST WANT TO SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO DREW, DAD AND CHERYL (who sometimes reads my blog)
AND THERE’S MORE!!!!
Also, don’t get me started on doctors and insurance companies because I have a ton of shit to write about that too. OH MY GOD!!!!!!
Also, my neighbors…which is what I was going to write about last week.
But that’s been pre-empted by something much more pressing, which is also why I didn’t put a post out last week because…you know…
AND NOW FOR SOMETHING REALLY DIFFERENT
So this new situation I’m currently dealing with came spilling out of me on Tom Being Tom’s blog because he’s posting again and he was talking about how hectic his life’s been and I think I cried out for help because I’m drowning and he responded and what I’m dealing with came out. I didn’t mean for it to, but Tom’s blog felt so safe at that moment. I told Tom that I was going to use what I wrote on his blog on my newest post since I’d mainly written my post in his responses.
Here’s what I wrote,
“My 86-year-old father is hell-bent on marrying a woman who is 31 years old (they’ve decided to do this but he won’t tell me when). She has four children under the age of 10. They are from a different country. She wants his property and security and has pretty much made that clear to him. He doesn’t want to be lonely and he doesn’t want to end up in an old folks home. This is why he is marrying her. As if she’s going to be there for him, take care of him and won’t put him in an old folks home herself.
As if she won’t kick my brother out when she gets the chance. BTW, Dad doesn’t believe in pre-nups. This is property that was supposed to be a place for my mentally ill brother to live for the rest of his life.
The woman’s mother tried to get her hooks into my Dad. She was too old for him. The cute 31 year old has decided to do this since her Mom wasn’t able to. Dad’s “in love” and believes that she will take care of him and my brother. He says that there’s nothing I can do, he’s going to do what he wants. He’s a hoarder and I’m trying to help him clean his home. Is she helping? As effing if. Effing predators! This won’t be a marriage, it will be a business transaction. Dad doesn’t care. Ugh! He just cussed me out for not being supportive of his plans. And that’s not even half of what’s going on in my life right now! Sorry, but thanks for listening. Mona
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