This last week and a half has been a whir and a blur and I’m exhausted and I’m weepy for some odd reason. So, I promise that in the near future, provided nothing else comes up, I will get to everyone’s blogs and read and comment because, yes, I’ve been remiss; but know that you haven’t been out of my thoughts. I’ve missed everyone.
Only, I haven’t felt very sociable over the last week or so — and trust me when I say that you don’t really want to be subjected to me right now. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. And maybe remiss isn’t exactly the right word because these last two weeks have really been a time crunch, which irritates the shit out of me, but there you are. I just haven’t felt my best. I mean, I’m okay physically, but I just feel like weeping for no real reason. And I’m overreacting and bitchy. I don’t know why. A cry would probably do me good, but since I have nothing to cry about, it isn’t happening.
My friend Lilibeth was surprised when I stated that a mutual acquaintance had gotten on my nerves and then went into some detail about that. Lilibeth said with surprise, “That doesn’t sound like you.” And so…yeah. This really isn’t how I normally feel and normally react, but there it is — I’m not feeling quite like myself and I haven’t felt like being nice and I have damned little patience right now and so I’m not a nice person to be around. And while Lilibeth was a little shocked, she’s also a very good friend and she loves me despite my faults and so I’m lucky to have her in my life. Also, David and Ryan have been sweet and supportive, too, so it’s not that I don’t have support…everyone’s been so fucking kind and supportive! So what the fuck is wrong with me?!!! Sorry. See what I mean?
Anyway, I’m irritable as shit and weepy and no, it’s not that time of the month. So, maybe it’s best that I haven’t commented on people’s blogs because my ability to communicate in the way I want to communicate and the way I’m communicating right now which is with a fair amount of bitchiness…well, now I’ve lost my train of thought. FUUUUCCCCKKKKK!!!!!!! Hopefully, you get the gist of whatever the hell I’m trying to say.
Anyway, you’ll hear from me when I feel decent again. Just know that whether it’s dysthymia or stress or maybe something that I’m sad about that I’m out of touch with or because maybe I’m cultivating a cold or some other physical ailment — because I usually feel this way just before I come down with illness — I’m really annoyed that these feelings just won’t go away on their own. All I ask is that y’all bear with me — or not — and know that eventually, my bitchy side will settle down and I’ll feel better and then I can come out and play again; when I can be kind and not a mean bitch. If any of that makes any sense. In the meantime, I’ve put myself in time out.
So I just thought y’all might want to know what’s going on. I haven’t disappeared on anyone and I’m coming back asap. There’s really nothing anyone can do for me. I just need to get over myself. I think I’ll just sit here for awhile and listen to Janis. Maybe the tears will come. Maybe I’ll feel better tomorrow. Or maybe not. I dunno. Anyone else who needs a good cry is welcome to join Janis and me.