Kamikaze Tinker Bells: A wayward fanfiction tale – NSFC (Not Safe For Children)

FIRST OF ALL, IF YOU ARE HERE TO READ YOUR CHILD A STORY, YOU ARE IN THE WRONG PLACE! SORRY — THIS TALE IS NOT SAFE FOR CHILDREN. THAT’S OKAY. EASY MISTAKE. JUST EASE OUT OF HERE AND GO FIND A RATED “G” STORY. SORRY FOR THE CONFUSION AND THANKS FOR STOPPING BY!

 

Aren’t y’all lucky. I just got my computer back yesterday and I had a dream last night that I can share with you now. (If you are interested in what happened to my computer, you can read about that by clicking on here.) All I’m saying is that this is what eating salad, drinking club soda and lime and going to bed at a decent hour will get you when you’re sleeping. Also, I guess I did get to see up David’s nose in the ENT’s office yesterday. They scoped him, so I’m not going to rule that out as part of why this dream went in the direction it went in.

 

Image result for picture of the orville spaceship

I’m on the Orville, flying deep into space.

Pan in on Bortus and Bortus’s mate Klyden.

Image result for picture of klyden and bortus

 

They are dancing some strange, mating ritual type of dance. Or perhaps they’ve been drinking and are just happy.

 

Or maybe I’ve been drinking. Or maybe I need a drink. Anyway, the couple appears happy. (Okay, I couldn’t find a gif of them dancing. So this was about as close as I could find. You’re welcome!)

 

Image result for come hither look gif

 

The most visually striking thing about this scene besides seeing Bortus give Klyden a “come hither” look is to see Klyden’s nipples which are strangely elongated and perky — like gravity-defying perky. Nope. Can’t unsee that! Think whipped cream with stiff peaks kind of elongated and perky. How in the hell does that happen?

 

Image result for stiff peaks whipping cream

Anyway, eventually, they go into their bedroom and shut the door! Whew! Thank God!

Before long, we hear muffled lovemaking noises. Okay. Stop. No one wants to hear that. Pan away from their door, puhleeze!

So why am I here? First of all, I am not alone. I and my co-hort (a nameless male) have been given our orders. We are spirits and our job is to get inside Bortus so that he can have a viable pregnancy.

Aw, Bortus and Klyden are trying to conceive!

It is our mission to fly inside him and become one with the egg at the time of conception. We have two chances and the egg will either end up being male or female all depending on who actually wins this fly-by battle. If we both fail, the pregnancy will not take. If we both succeed, the pregnancy will result in twins.

So my co-hort and I are like the yin and yang of flying spirit-sperm; Tinker Bell kamikazes spreading living spirit dust.

Image result for tinkerbelle

So now we’re off and flying haphazardly toward Bortus. I turn on my automatic flying gear because I’ve closed my eyes and…I’M NOT LOOKING! I’M NOT LOOKING!

Wow! That was some kind of flight. Me and my co-hort are safely inside Bortus’s…uhm. His, uhm…

Never mind. We are safely inside Bortus trying to figure out which way we are supposed to go. We come across a guard who looks eerily similar to The Dreadful Flying Glove from the Beatles’ Yellow Submarine — only he isn’t blue, he’s brown.

Image result for the dreadful flying glove

 

As we approach, the glove/hand-like guard says, “Halt!” Because what else is he going to say, right? Once we explain what we’re doing there, he looks toward another creature living inside Bortus, who looks similar to the H.R. Puffenstuff trees

 

Image result for h.r. puffinstuff tree

and says, “What are we supposed to do, now?”

Fade to black.

Pan in for a close-up of Bortus and Klyden sleeping peacefully in bed.

 

Image result for klyden and bortus pictures

 

They are rudely awakened with a TV camera at their bedside and an obnoxious spokesperson declaring to the world that their lovemaking was a success and that they are pregnant! Yay!

Image result for news reporter with crowd cheering gif

 

Julie Bowen (Claire from Modern Family) is laying on the opposite side of Klyden (fully dressed, I might add) and is expressing how excited she is for them.

Image result for claire from modern family

Fade out!

The end.

 

So, that was my dream. This is what clean living will get ya, huh? I guess the most interesting thing is that over the last three days, I’ve actually had dreams that I remember when I wake up; although this has got to be the most “out there” dream — however, being on the Orville, what else could it be? Anyway, remembering my dreams hasn’t happened in awhile.

At this point, I know y’all are just itching to interpret this one. I can hardly wait.

I will now turn the control over to y’all and let the armchair Freudians among you have your say!

TTFN,

Mona

10 thoughts on “Kamikaze Tinker Bells: A wayward fanfiction tale – NSFC (Not Safe For Children)”

    • What fun is that? Also, Jan, you were forewarned. I believe my words to you today were, “You might not want to read this one.” Yet, some people are gonna do what they’re gonna do. Thanks for stopping by anyway! You will probably like the next post better. Fingers crossed. It’s neither freaky nor screechy. Stay tuned. Mona

  1. LOL!!! This was amazing. I love it when creative people have dreams, because they’re so nuts. I remember the first time I ever heard a logical, sane person tell me her dream, and her dream made perfect rational sense, and I was flabbergasted.

    Here’s my interpretation (Jungian, not Freudian, mind you. Freud wouldn’t even have to blink, I mean, come on. Sex sex sex that’s all he ever thinks about).

    In Jungian interpretation, every character is an element of yourself. So maybe this dream means you’re trying to make something good out of something repulsive, strange, or scary, and you’ve succeeded. The good thing you’re giving birth to is probably a creative effort. Maybe now that you’re writing again, all these posts are your baaaabies.
    I’m not sure how the competition element with the male figure comes into play there though. Have you recently had a very feminine success? Haha, I don’t know what that means.

    Hugs <3

  2. Sarah,
    I so love your thoughts on this! I would have never thought to interpret my dream this way — BTW, I kind of dig Jung, too. Some people thought my dream was funny. I think I simply repulsed most. Oh, well. Thanks for your armchair analysis! Magnificent, my friend!

    Mona

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