I’m Not Dead Yet (Mostly)

A friend asked if I was okay because she hadn’t heard from me and I haven’t posted in a while. It occurred to me that I should put something out because I don’t want people to think I’m either ghosting them or that I’ve died. Though, thinking about it, it is October, so both are thematic for the month. Anyway, I told my friend that I’m literally stealing from what I wrote her and putting it here as my blog post because I’ve run out of…everything…fucks to give… original thought…energy…pumpkin spice…all of the things…so this will have to suffice.
If I didn’t know better (and I probably  don’t), I’d say I’ve been run over by a Mack truck. Then hit again. The real bitch is that I start feeling better, I have a few good hours, then I’m done — I’m exhausted, irritable and pretty much zombified for the rest of the day. Days and nights are topsy turvy, and pain has settled throughout my entire being. From a physical standpoint, this is fucking nuts. I’ve been this way for over a month now and it got old long before the first week was up. This will pass. It always does. In the meantime, all of the goals and plans I’ve made are going by the wayside with each passing day. That’s the worst…I mean besides the pain.
As I usually say at this time of the year — I love fall, but fall doesn’t love me back.


Between tech snafu’s (I still haven’t mastered my new phone and can’t get it to understand that I need to respond to bloggers via my moniker and not my real name…so why is it not cooperating?, sheer exhaustion and the overwhelming sense of being so far behind in everything, I just want to crawl under a rock and sleep until after the first hard freeze of the season kills whatever pollen is floating around in the air that’s trying to kill me. My guess is ragweed is the culprit…but it could be something else…or a combination of shit. I dunno. Anyway, whatever this is, it laughs at my feeble attempts to ease my pain and allergies whenever I take my Claritin and Advil.


So here’s what I know:
 Eventually, I will catch up with you and, hopefully, everyone else. The house will be clean again. I will get to the grocery store again. I will get out of this damned house again. Writing will happen again. Other shit will happen again, too. Today, though? My goal is to make it an hour at a time because I’m too damned tired and…I’ve a major case of brain fog. Hard to think. Sorry for the bellyaching, y’all! Seriously, once I get past…whatever this is, things will return to normal-ish again. I’d cross my fingers, but it hurts too much. Maybe y’all could do that for me.  🙂


Also, this is not Covid. I haven’t been anywhere. This is my body dealing with major allergies, which I’ve had my entire life…only my body is overreacting like the diva it is this fall. We’ve had unusually warm temps so far, plus crazy atmospheric pressure changes and my body is definitely feeling every damned one.
I want to thank David, Ryan and Lauren who are making sure our world stays intact and life continues forth while I get through this crud…and, of course, for putting up with me.
See y’all when I feel better. So what are you doing to celebrate Halloween this year? I hope it’s wicked fun and I’d love to hear about it. Or what’s your favorite Halloween movie? Or what’s your favorite Halloween song/music?
However you celebrate, just please stay safe.
A little classic Halloween music to put you in the mood, hopefully —
Okay, for whatever reason, this isn’t working right, nothing’s working right on this post…and so this is the best I can do. If you click on it, it will bring up Mike Oldfield’s Tubular Bells, which we all know as the theme song to The Exorcist.
The second one is the Monty Python sketch, I’m Not Dead Yet
Lastly, Christopher from Freethinker’s Anonymous, just turned me on to this song, “Hay Fever” by the Kinks, which goes perfectly with my post! Thanks bunches, my good friend!



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Fairy dust by Sarah Carmody on Dribbble


33 thoughts on “I’m Not Dead Yet (Mostly)”

  1. Mona, I am so sorry your body is being an asshole diva this Fall; I really hope you start feeling better soon. Thank you for capturing your thoughts the way you did; you made me laugh out loud and also relate. Sometimes I feel like my body detests me and likes to make my life miserable, so your words were like reading my thoughts! Ha! I hope you take all the pressure off yourself and focus only on feeling better without the guilt of being unable to do…well…anything. It’s okay! What a dumpster fire of a year and a half it has been; it’s been a lot. When someone tells me they are doing well I am convinced they are not human. I’m going to hang out with my niece and nephews for Halloween because they always make me feel better in their little costumes, and then I plan to steal some of their candy! 😂 Take good care, my friend. You’re not dead and that’s all that matters. You’re doing great! Lots of love and a massive hug.

    • Tanya,
      Right? We’re not dead yet…our bodies are just being diva assholes…which is going to be my ongoing mantra until that first hard freeze. Sorry to hear your body is giving you conniption fits too! However, I’m glad you’re going to enjoy Halloween with your niece and nephews. Halloween’s so much more fun when celebrating with kids! As their FAT (uhm, that would be their Favorite Aunt Tanya…sorry about that), you get to go through and make sure all of their candy is safe to eat. Those innocent looking candy bars are always suspect, of course, (all the good candy bars are); and they must be tried by you, first…just to be on the safe side! It’s a tough job making sure your beloveds don’t get poisoned candy bars, but I think you’re up to the task! LOL. Have lots of fun my friend! And thanks for the love and that hug! I really needed it! Mona

  2. Mona, I am so sorry your body is being an asshole diva this Fall, I really hope you start feeling better soon. Thank you for capturing your thoughts the way you did, you made me laugh and also relate. Sometimes I feel like my body detests me and likes to make my life miserable so your words were like reading my thoughts! Ha! I hope you take all the pressure off yourself and just focus on feeling better without the guilt of being unable to do…well…anything. It’s okay! What a dumpster-fire of a year and a half it has been, it’s been a lot. When someone tells me they are doing okay I am certain they are not actually human or of this world. This Halloween, I’m going hang out with my niece and nephews because they always make me feel better in their little costumes. Then I plan to steal some of their candy! 😂 Take good care, my friend. You’re not dead and that’s all that matters. You’re doing great! Lots of love and a massive hug.

    • Tanya,
      Oohhh, I got a Tuesday Twofer from you! Or else I’m seeing double. That just gives me a chance to say that I hope you write about your Halloween experiences with da kids! XOX, Mona

    • Rhonda,
      Thanks for the gentle nudge, my friend! I’m glad it’s not Covid either. Regardless of my physical status, I’m damned and determined to celebrate…with candy…and Hostess Ding Dongs. Hope you have lots of fun this weekend! Stay safe and I’ll talk with you on the flipside! Hugs, Mona

    • Sherry,
      As Little Robert Anthony is wont to say in “How Many More Times,”…”Steal away, now…steal away…” Sorry about that. People mention one thing and my mind answers by bringing up a song. That’s got to be called something scientific sounding. Anyway, I sure don’t mind as I’m sure the Monty Python guys won’t either. 🙂 Hugs to you, my friend! Mona

  3. To quote, or rather paraphrase, another Monty Python sketch, you’re like a big jam doughnut with cream on the top, because like a doughnut your arrival gives us pleasure and your departure merely makes us hungry for more. I’ve also now got the Kinks song “Hay Fever” stuck in my head which is much better than having actual hay fever stuck in my head, and I thank you for that.
    As for favorite Halloween movies…well, Halloween is my favorite time of year so it’s hard to narrow down my favorite Halloween movie, although I also have to admit that I’ve never seen The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. At least not all the way through. I watched about twenty minutes and said, “Okay, I know there’s a massacre coming, and it’s gonna involve chainsaws. I can’t do this.”
    Instead there’s a sadly overlooked oldie called Doctor Terror’s House Of Horrors that stars Peter Cushing, Christopher Lee, Donald Sutherland, and others and it’s just a lot of fun.
    I hope you feel better soon, and here’s my favorite Halloween song:

      • Christopher,
        Another Tuesday Twofer! I love it! And, aww, you know all the right things to quote to a girl who’s feeling down…which means that at least you’re not comparing me to a dose of the clap or a pain in the arse! LOL. Thanks for the “Hay Fever” song. It’s so appropriate in this instance. Has anyone ever really seen The Texas Chainsaw Massacre? I mean it’s such a dark movie. Literally. It’s hard to see what exactly is going on. I found that more annoying than anything. Though, all of these movies are scary. However, being from Texas, you know I had to see it. With that said, it does remind me that I’m hungry and I’d love a barbecue sandwich right about now! Heeheehee. I haven’t seen Dr. Terror’s House of Horrors, though 1965 is a good vintage for just about most things! If I can find it, I’ll look into it. “Little Red Riding Hood” is, indeed, a classic. Owwwoohhhh! Have a Happy Halloween, my friend! Hugs, Mona

    • Barbara,
      Your command made me giggle. Yep, that should do it! So are you passing out treats to the little ones this year?
      Hugs, Mona

      • Been living in 2 different ‘senior living’ condos for the last 10 years, so no little ones. Before that, the children came just past 5PM until maybe 7PM. Then the scary ‘kids’ came out. No costumes. 17-25 years old. All attitude. I always made sure I had extra stuff I didn’t like myself in order to keep everyone happy. I had a ceramic electric pumpkin that I loved and had no idea where I got it from, but in the last move, dropped it while packing it, so no longer have anything to stick in the window. To amuse all the other old farts here. Besides, it’s about 90 degrees here still. No memories of any Halloween being this incredibly HOT!

  4. Hi Mona,
    Good to hear that you’re not dead yet. We’ve missed you at Memoir. You know we’ve been talking about you. I’d hurry back if I were you.

    I sympathize with your predicament. Not feeling well– Everything waiting for you.

    I had a fuss with my daughter this morning. I’ve eaten 2 Dunkin doughnuts and drank a small coffee. I feel much better now.

    • Sheila,
      A couple/few things:
      1) Thank you for being glad that I’m not dead yet. That in itself is much appreciated.
      2) I’ve missed y’all as well!
      3)You know what they say — The only thing worse than being talked about is…not being talked about! LOL. 🙂
      4) Hopefully, I’ll make it to Memoir this week. Don’t hold your breath though. If I do, someone may have to read for me.
      5) I hope you’re not in pain at the moment. I know it’s iffy. Comforting hugs to you either way!
      6) Most shit can wait.
      7) Family can drive one to drink coffee and eat donuts…among other things! Understood about family. I’ll swap you your daughter for my son for a day or two. Uhm, also, you might want to drive a different route if you have to pass by a Braum’s. Or not. No one would blame you if you had to make a pit stop!
      8) So what are you giving trick or treaters this year? Full-sized candy bars? Asking for a friend. 🙂
      9) Glad you’re feeling better!

    • Hey Boo,
      What I could really use is something that will kill the pain and boost my energy. That sounds a lot like cocaine, of course…but I won’t ask for cocaine. That would be illegal and/or immoral. Instead, I’ll ask if you got anything like that? Pumpkin spice just ain’t gonna fly…but thanks for offering! Is it chilly where you live, yet? Still waiting here where I live. Hugs, Mona

  5. Checking out is a nice reminder that the world still turns no matter how much shit you do, or don’t do. So relax, watch something really dumb (I watch battle anime when I feel sick, it’s amazing how fascinating TV is when my brain doesn’t work), and try to enjoy feeling terrible for a whole season.
    After all, “you’ll be stone dead in a moment.”
    Can you believe, that they really went through town with the cart and said “Bring out your dead,” back in the day? I thought it was just Monty Python being overkill, if you’ll forgive the phrase. But they were showing actual medieval life, hahaha.
    Loves for you. Get well soon!!!!!

    • Sarah,
      Uhm, thanks for the reminder about being dead in a minute or two. I’ll try to enjoy feeling like shit in the meantime. Yay, I feel like shit, but it’s better than being dead! Yay.

      Yep, the medieval peeps were a practical sort. No time for lattes and croissants…just hunting, farming for their lordship, eating gruel (if they were lucky), bloodletting and taking out the dead when necessary. Good times! Loves back to you, my good friend! I owe you a phone call. It may be another week or two though! 🙂

    • Hey Gigi,
      I’ll give it my best shot. Went out to an event for my son, yesterday, and was wiped out by the time we got home. Was asleep before 8 PM and I slept in until after 8 AM today. So even after 12 hours of sleep, I’m still feeling wiped out! Ugh. Hope you have a fun Halloween! Doing anything special to celebrate? Hugs, Mona 🙂

    • Hey Roger,
      Thanks for your support, my friend. I go through it every year, but this year’s been exceptional. Weather guy said that yesterday our pollen count was high in both ragweed and mountain cedar. As he put it, it’s like adding 1+1 and coming up with 4. I know that sounds weird, but it made perfect sense to me. Anyway, looking forward to a hard, cold freeze…and then warmth again. Or maybe I should just move to the tropics or something. I dunno. I’ll figure that out whenever I win that multimillion dollar lottery. Ha! Are you and your girlfriend doing something fun for Halloween? Mona

  6. As my Granny used to say, “Well, isn’t that the physical shits.” Yep. I know how awful you must feel. I hope you’re back to the ol’ grindstone soon. My allergies are mild so I can’t complain about that but I do understand the brain fog and being exhausted after minimal exertion. That’s my life with chronic pain. Wouldn’t you just love to be able to hibernate for a few months and emerge full of energy? I’d be terribly hungry but the sleep would be awesome! Take care of yourself.

    • Hey Debbie,
      Your Granny was on to something! LOL. And it must be hereditary because I think you’re on to something, too! I’d love to hibernate. Then we could come out of hibernation, svelte but hungry and energized! Where do I sign up? Chronic pain is the worst and I’m sorry that you suffer! My allergies are so bad that it seems like I’m dealing with pain most days throughout the year. Gotta love Texas. These days are just exceptionally bad. Come on hard freeze!

      Thanksgiving and Christmas are coming up. Are you planning anything special this year? Hugs to you, my friend! Mona

  7. Hoping all the best for you! Feel better soon. I’m in your neck of the woods for the next couple of months. If everything works out I’ll be feeling better soon, so you too!

  8. Welcome back to Texas, Lee!
    Thanks for the feel good wishes! I’m wishing nothing but the best for you, too! I guess you’re here to get a slightly used but new-to-you liver, eh? I’m sure it will all go well and you’ll feel really better very soon! I’ll try and catch up as soon as I can. One day I feel okay, the next day, I’m wasted…and not in a good way. It’s been a rollercoaster. This week was pretty damned chilly. Next week it’s supposed to be in the 70’s. So, yay, for that. I think. My sinuses will let me know soon enough. Anyway, it’s great to hear from you, my friend! Hugs to you and Michelle! 🙂 Mona

  9. Hi Rachel and Welcome to Wayward Sparkles,

    No, I’m not familiar with that song, but by the end of the weekend, I will be, so thanks for calling it to my attention. The funny thing is — when my email alerted me that you’d commented and I read what you wrote, I thought you were commenting on a completely different post I’d written ages ago. It’s called “Willie Nelson is Okay,” and you can find it if you click on the link below.


    Thanks for stopping in and I hope you visit again soon! If you’re here in the US, Happy Turkey Day to you and yours! Mona


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