If we were best friends in real life,
I would give you all of the sordid details after you promised to keep this hush/hush.
But what the hell, I wanted to tell you, anyway; so I got permission. From my daughter. Because it’s not about her. It’s about her ex.
*clapping excitedly while jumping up and down*
My daughter stopped by for a short visit on Sunday and right before she left, she says to me, “So, do you want to hear the hot gossip? Because I have hot gossip.”
Was that a real question?
Lauren, my daughter, then tells me that her ex called her looking for advice. (For the sake of this post, I think we’ll call him…oh, I don’t know…how about “Glob?”)
“Spill,” she told him.
He shared that he “accidentally” slept with his boss and now he doesn’t know what to do.
I said, “Well, if Glob and his boss are both single, I don’t really see a problem. Sometimes these things happen.”
The real problem, it turns out, is that Glob cannot stand anything about his boss. He doesn’t like the woman. YET, HE SLEPT WITH HER! ACCIDENTALLY! *snicker*
“Oh, this should be good,” I said, settling into my chair.
To make matters worse, Glob has a crush on his younger co-worker. (Shall we call her BoBo? Why, yes, we shall!) They haven’t slept together.
This whole situation started when BoBo invited Glob for a drink after work. When he got to the place they were meeting, he found BoBo and their boss sitting at the same table. It turns out that the boss and BoBo are best friends. Because, of course, they are! After a night of heavy drinking, their boss, who, apparently, was less inebriated than the other two, drove them to her place. On the way there, BoBo got sick and puked out the car window. Glob was gracious enough to take his shirt off and used it to clean BoBo up a little.
Once they got to their boss’s home, things got a lot fuzzier.
More drinking ensued. Then Glob blacked out.
The next thing Glob knows, he’s waking up the next morning NAKED in bed with his also NAKED boss. BoBo is passed out in the living room.
Glob said he doesn’t remember how he ended up in bed with his boss, but he also didn’t have time to think about it much because he way overslept. He hurriedly dressed — had to borrow a shirt from his boss — and headed off to work. How he got there, since he’d left his car at the bar, remains a mystery. However he got to work, though, he was two hours late opening up the shop. For most people, that would have gotten them fired.
As my daughter commented, “His boss can’t really be mad and fire him. After all, it’s not like she didn’t know where he was or what he was doing or why he was so late.”
When Glob’s boss eventually showed up to work, she brought him all of the things he left at her place when he dashed out of there. She brought things like: his wallet, his soured shirt…AND HIS UNDERWEAR!
Me: HIS UNDERWEAR? HE WENT TO WORK COMMANDO?!!!!
Lauren: I guess so.
Me: Ew, gross. So then what happened?
Lauren: First of all, Glob doesn’t know whether he and his boss actually had sex or not, but he thinks they probably did. He also doesn’t know whether BoBo knows what happened and whether he should talk to her about it. Lastly, he wants to know what he’s supposed to say to his boss who clearly likes him a lot better than he likes her.
Me: What advice did you give him?
Lauren: I told him I had no idea what to tell him to do, but whatever he did, good luck.
Me: I’d say he needs to find a new job as soon as he can, change his phone number and then forget this ever happened. And he might want to start going a little easier on the booze. Also, he should throw the shirt away. Just saying…
Lauren: It does sound like a very twenty-something-ish thing to do, doesn’t it?
Me: Uh, yeah.
Lauren: But he’s not. He’s in his thirties. And what idiot goes out drinking on a Tuesday night, especially when they know they have to open shop the next morning?
Me: Well, for some people, it takes longer to mature. It makes for a great cautionary tale, though! Also, I hope he didn’t knock her up…because drunken sex…
Things could have been worse. When I checked my phone this morning, this is what came up —
So Lauren’s story about her ex-boyfriend’s inebriated experience loosely reminded me of what happened to Anne Heche last week. I asked my daughter what she thought about that. Lauren had no idea what I was talking about. “Who’s Anne Heche and what did she do?” she asked.
Oh. My. God. Clearly, Lauren’s been living under a rock.
How could she not know about Anne Heche and what’s happened? So I informed her. I’m not going into all those details again, but if you also don’t know, you can read about it here.
What I will say is that the hospital kept a brain dead Anne Heche on life support because she was an organ donor. Presumably, as I write this, her organs have all been harvested.
So Lauren is now horrified that I told her about Anne Heche. She said, “What is this? I bring you hot gossip and you tell me this gut-wrenching story? Who does that? Now I’m depressed!”
“Uhm, sorry…I guess. It’s all I had.”
Rest in Peace, Anne Heche.
As usual, Lauren’s and my conversation brought up questions.
Maybe you know the answer. Or maybe you can speculate. Or maybe you have other questions or comments. You know what to do here. Let’s discuss this, y’all!
- If a man is so drunk that he “blacks out,” how can he…ahem…rise…to the occasion? I’ve never been with a man in that situation, but I would have thought too much alcohol would create dysfunction in that area.
- David asked this next question after listening to Lauren’s and my conversation — can they transplant organs into others when the organs come from someone who had cocaine and fentanyl in their system? Because blood tests confirm that Anne Heche had both of those substances in hers.
The other thing, if you or someone you know has drug or alcohol issues, and you don’t know where to turn, you can call —
“The National Drug and Alcohol Treatment Hotline provides information on alcohol and drug abuse, local treatment options, and support through hotline counselors to speak with you about alcohol, drug or family problems.”
I’d love to hear your thoughts on the above…or whatever else you might want to discuss!
And music —
Okay, the first song that popped into my head was “I Can’t Drive 55” by Sammy Hagar; but under the circumstances, I decided that would be just wrong. So, scratch that.
Also, since I’m on the subject, if you do get wasted, even accidentally, please, please don’t get behind the wheel or in the car with someone who’s been drinking and is behind the wheel. Don’t become a statistic and don’t contribute to tragedy. Call a cab or a friend or a loved one. Someone will come and get you! It’s okay. We’ve all been there! No one expects to go out and have an accident. And some things you just can’t take back or do over! So, again, please be part of the solution, not part of the problem!
Hmm….okay, I think I’ve got it…
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Have a wonderful week ahead, Wayward Friends, and please make good choices, stay safe and bring me fantastic gossip!