Am I the B? Do I even care?

Xolair Friday

Late Friday morning I went to get my Xolair shots because…hives…also it helps tremendously to keep my asthma under control-ish. David went with me as he usually does because he’s the one with the coin. That means he also gets to sit with me for the 20 minutes I have to wait to prove that I didn’t have an allergic reaction to my two shots (one in each arm.)

Office staff normally doesn’t let anyone other than patients into the building unless you’re a minor. Covid is taken very seriously and they utilize all precautions one can make sans closing the place down, including  the minimalization of people allowed. I asked a few months ago if they’ve had patients come down with Covid (this is an allergy and asthma place), and it was clear they’ve lost too many. Even so, I’ve told them if they want to get paid, they have to deal with David. So they let him in. Besides, all of the women who work the front desk love David, so he gets to be the exception.

Potential Lunch

All depending on what time we go to the clinic, we usually either go straight home (if I have an early 7:30 AM appointment) or sometimes if it’s around lunch, we’ll grab a bite to eat before going home. Lunch doesn’t usually happen, but when it does, I truly appreciate it. This is really the only opportunity David and I have to spend time by ourselves (as if we were on an actual date) because Ryan usually doesn’t go with us to this appointment (but then again, sometimes he does.) And my appointment only happens once every three weeks, so it’s not like it’s even an every-other-week thing. It’s like a once every two to three-month thing when the opportunity to enjoy a meal alone with David happens. I was looking forward to having lunch with him this Friday, so we could sit and eat a leisurely meal and enjoy each other’s company before going home to our daily grind.

Not to Be

Only David was most assuredly not in the mood to grab lunch. Why? Well, besides spending the extra money (I mean for Pete’s sake, it was only lunch)…beats the hell out of me. He wasn’t in the mood to share any other reason why either.

Me as we’re leaving the clinic: Why don’t we get some lunch?

David: No. We’re not going out to eat. I’m going home.

Me: Really? I’d kill for a glass of delicious iced tea.

David: McDonald’s has good tea, don’t they? I’ll run you through there.

Me: McDonald’s? I don’t think so. Besides, I was hoping to spend a nice lunch with you.

David: ????

Me: ?????


Me: Home.

David: Whatever. I’ll take you to Zoe’s.

Me: I don’t think so. You’re in a shitty mood. Forget it. That ship has sailed. Take me home.

David: You got it!

Things Left Unsaid

I didn’t say any of the things I was thinking to my husband. (They weren’t worth saying.) He really hurt my feelings, though. Matter of fact, I haven’t talked to him since. I went home and took a very long nap. He let several hours pass before he came into our bedroom and talked to me — as though everything were great and nothing had happened.

I didn’t say one word.

After a few minutes, he got up and left. Apparently, I offended him by not speaking to him.

The Blues

I’ve had an incredibly down week. I don’t know why exactly, but I sense something impending that worries/scares the hell out of me. I couldn’t tell you what that is or why that is. It could be hormones, I suppose. When you can’t find any other reason for feeling down, blame hormones, right? Sometimes this happens just before I get sick, too. I don’t feel sick though.

All I know is that a glass or two of cold iced tea and good, light-hearted conversation with my husband in a nice setting would have meant a whole lot this afternoon. It’s trite but true, sometimes it’s the littlest things that mean the most.

I’ll get over this. When shit like this happens, I always do.

I guarantee you, he doesn’t even remember it happened.


As I sit here and write, it occurs to me that while I’m bellyaching about a missed opportunity and perceived slight by my husband, real tragedy has happened over the last couple of weeks — all the shit with Afghanistan and Hurricane Ida. Some of these horrors are ongoing. When put into perspective, I really have nothing to complain about. Maybe it’s all the bad news, plus Covid continuing to increase in numbers, again, especially among the young; and more news that other lethal variants continue to emerge — and let’s not forget the massive wildfires in the western half of our country this year — maybe that’s why I’m feeling so down. I have faith that this too will pass. And it will. Just wish it hadn’t happened in the first place.

Until I get over this, music —



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I hope everyone has a wonderful Labor Day Weekend!




20 thoughts on “Am I the B? Do I even care?”

  1. Forced proximity to spouses due to Covid teleworking has increased scenes like yours tenfold. At least in our house. My husband didn’t speak to me for 2 days because I didn’t want to take his unairconditioned truck to the store in 100 degree heat. I can’t even blame hormones.

    • River,
      Unairconditioned truck in 100 degree heat? Isn’t that called an oven? Did he want you rare, medium-rare, medium or well done? Hugs, Mona

  2. I hope it clears up soon, between you, and I’m also saddened to hear that my friend 2,000 miles away (more?) had the same kind of week I did. I know the reasons for my blues (moved far away, no know one, COVID close-contact scare, kid went off to college, perimeno kicking in ((YES HORMONES)), oh and the shooting at the school I just finished working at in June), but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t a grinding week. I think maybe it’s even harder when you can’t put your finger on why. The moon? The air? The air. I hope that for both of us the air crisps and cools this weekend and things get lighter. *hugs*

      • Also, referring to the “gah”, take a deep breath and step away from the keyboard! You’re going to be okay. LOL.

    • Lille,
      When I heard about the school shooting, I just knew that you’d worked at that school. You’ve definitely had a rough week, my friend, and I’m sorry you’re going through all the shit right now. It is definitely hot and miserable…it’s just this time of the year, I suppose. We all want that first fall breeze to cool things down. You’ll probably get yours before we get ours given where you live. How is the kid? What are you doing to cope? I know I’m all the way down here and you’re all the way up there, but if you ever want to talk, you have my number, please call whenever! Sending soft, pillowy hugs your way! Love you, Mona

  3. Never heard Bowie do Hurt and going to swirl my way through that soon as I write that you wrote yourself through that nicely. Disappointment’s a bitch that’s for sure and so are all of us sometimes I guess, especially husbands. xo

    • Sherry,
      I hope you like the Bowie/NIN rendition. I think the music kind of overpowered their vocals, maybe that was intentional. Kind of suited my mood, though. We be bitches, sometimes. Yes, indeed! Hugs, Mona

  4. Mona,
    We need lunch and a frozen margarita!!!!!
    So sorry you have had a bad week. Your conversation with David is very typical at least with me. It sounded exactly like my husband. Men!!!! They get in their moods and become pains in the b…. and totally forget that they have done anything wrong.
    Men are from Mars Women are from Venus is so true. Who knows what goes on in a man’s mind ? I don’t !
    So cheer up you are not alone . We all have good days and bad days . So I will tell you to look up at the beautiful blue sky filled with gorgeous sunlight today and know that you are loved by Almighty God.
    Jan P

    • Hey Jan,
      Sounds like a plan! As to David, he does get moody at times — says the kettle about the skillet. Well, you know. However, everyone goes through stuff; and his stuff collided with my stuff and then there’s even more stuff. We’re both good, though. BTW, God’s carrying me…again.

  5. There are terrible things happening in other parts of the world and I’m not trying to downplay that but taking care of yourself is also important. Small things can ripple outward and have a gradually bigger impact, or sometimes they just fade out, but if a glass of iced tea and maybe lunch at Zoe’s makes you feel better that can improve the lives of those around you. And, hey, if Mick Jagger, who’s done pretty well for himself and was even once caught in bed with David Bowie, can admit that he can’t always get what he wants and sometimes can’t even get no satisfaction, that says something about all of us too.
    Caring for your physical health can also take a mental toll, and you need some self-care for that. I can’t imagine the concerns that must come with getting hives, and then you have the bees to deal with.

    • Christopher,
      Being a man and all, you’re very brave to be here today; but I’m so glad you are! You’re definitely an old soul and I always welcome your wisdom…and distractions…because now I can’t get Jagger and Bowie together in bed out of my head…ack!!!!…which makes it very difficult to think about much else! Clever one you are! Thank you so much for that! Who knew that was just what I needed today? Clearly, you did! Damn, you so get me. LOL. Have a great weekend and stay safe, my friend. Also, I forgot to tell you on your post, make sure you wash your hands before you leave those public bathrooms…well any bathroom, actually! Mona

  6. Men are weird; get moody/snappish for some unapparent reason and then totally forget about it and have no clue when we are hurt by what they did/didn’t do/said.

    Sending hugs your way. Yes, there are many awful things going on now but you are still allowed to be upset/down. I’ve been trying to limit any news lately because it’s just so overwhelming/horrifying.

    • Gigi,
      You’re so right! And thank you for the hugs. I really could use all you have today! Your idea of staying away from the news? I think I’ll try that through the rest of the Labor Day Weekend, my friend! Have a wonderful vacation! Hope your undersink continues to stay dry! Hugs to you as well, Mona

  7. Amazingly time doesn’t care and moves on. We are left to the fates, to scramble and try to make sense of it all.

    • Sheila,
      Who knew you were such an existentialist? An absurdist would tell you that it’s absurd to try and make sense of any of it. But we do anyway, which is why madness prevails, I suppose! Hope all is well with you. Know that David and I are fine. We’re just an old, married couple who gets in each other’s ways sometimes. A great big hug to you, my friend! Do you think you’re up for lunch with Jan and me sometime in the near future? Preferably in an outdoor area with mist sprayers keeping everything cooler? Mona

  8. It’s not fair to yourself to tell yourself that your issues are minor compared to other things in the world. It’s not a keeping up with the Jones’s situation. If you feel bad, it doesn’t matter what else is happening. Care about yourself. It doesn’t mean not having empathy for others…it just means you took the time to take care of you

  9. LA,
    I completely agree with your point; and in my own way, I suppose that’s what I was doing. Once my husband went into his mood, I refused to just go along and then feel guilty about it (lunch), I took a good two hour nap (rest), I refused to pretend it didn’t happen, and I called it for what it was– publicly no less, plus music, of course. I think this is real progress on my part considering there was a time when I would have kept my mouth shut, blamed myself and tried to pretend it didn’t happen. Know what that gets you? Autoimmune disorders and other stress-related diseases. There’s a reason I have to get these shots, after all! So I’m changing habits by thinking about things differently and behaving differently. Lately, I’ve been reading about how stressed some other women bloggers are and I realize how much that bad stress takes its toll. Of course, all the world stuff…it, too, takes its toll when one is inundated with this kind of news on a daily basis, which we’ve been in our household. BTW, David and I had a talk and we’re both back on even keel as I knew we would be. We’ve also turned the TV off for a brief respite. Also, it never hurts to remind myself just how blessed I am and not to make a disappointment worse than what it was. I’m so glad you pointed out that this sort of thing isn’t a competition and that when we are in pain, we should practice self-care. Kindness so matters. Thanks for sharing all of your thoughts on this my friend! I love how you added to this dialogue. 😊 Mona

  10. Oh Mona, what can I say but, being a bitch isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I mean seriously, think about it, if you weren’t you wouldn’t have the personality you have. Also, I think men in general go through MAN-o-pause for sure before we start the change ourselves.

    AND let me just say that they are really good at trying to use reverse psychology on us. Some are successful at it, others, no so much, I would have said to David “Alright, take me to Zoe’s!” I’ve said it once I’ll say it again, don’t ever stop being you Mona!


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