A Kinder, Gentler 2022

Is it safe to come out yet?

I ask that only because 2021 was such a mean year and 2022 hasn’t been any kinder…yet.

I’ve had to disconnect because I just couldn’t (perhaps, still can’t) handle anything else. I’m only stepping out a little today, now that I feel a little more up to it, just to see which way the wind is blowing before I fully come out and feel the warm sunshine, again…hopefully, without getting burned…again. And that’s it. I’m feeling hopeful today, which is why I’m writing.

Otherwise, I’d retreat back to the safety of disconnection…again.

I’m tempted to tell you how rotten things have been, but I vaguely remember doing that once in September 2019, and I promised I wouldn’t write another post like that. It upset too many of my readers at the time. Also, some of my audience thought I wrote about them, which wasn’t true at all. Then I had to write a disclaimer. It was a whole thing. Ugh.

Still, I just re-read Full Tilt…and believe it or not…it helped me feel better today because what I’m going through now feels much like deja vu. It gave me perspective on how I handled stuff then. Because I got what I needed from it, perhaps I won’t be forced to go through all of that nonsense in the same way. That’s a plus. Also, since I promised, I also won’t go into full tilt warrior mode in this post and rant.

Suffice it to say, though, that after taking so many verbal hits from so many people over this past year, most of whom are relatives — but not all — I went into a major depression. Matter of fact, I think I may still be. (I think I have “can’t see the forest for the trees” syndrome.) It’s been bad enough that I didn’t even decorate for Christmas this year…and that has never happened before. I’ve always managed to pull through for Christmas…even at the last minute. Not this past year though.

It was a weird Christmas, anyway.

I was going to write a post right afterward that started out, “It was the best of Christmases and it was the worst of Christmases.” Yep, I was going to title it “A Tale of Two Christmases.” I couldn’t muster writing at the time, though, so…it’s kind of late for that now. Even so, I’ll tell you that the best part of Christmas was Christmas Eve watching Encanto with Lauren and spending time with David, Ryan, Lauren, Dad (he spent the night at our home!), Birdie, Buddy, Iggy and even Millie the cat (Lauren’s cat!) We had a full house on Christmas Eve even though not one ornament was up.

The worst part of Christmas was a continuation of what happened on Thanksgiving that involved David’s side of the family on Christmas Day. I regret having spent time with certain people. It’s been painful. Trust me, I won’t make that mistake again.

The weirdest thing that happened…

well, one of the weirdest things…was that a family member sent us a very expensive bunch of meat from Omaha Steaks. We got steaks, chicken, pork…I mean we got a ton of meat. It’s sitting in our freezer untouched.

The thing is, when I last saw this family member in the summer, well…it didn’t go well. We haven’t talked since and we used to be pretty damned close. I’m not sure if or when we’ll ever talk again. Also, considering the fact that we’ve rarely exchanged any Christmas presents in over thirty years; and the fact that this family member sent hundreds of dollars’ worth of meat to David, me and Ryan…I have to think that this is…I don’t know…some sort of an apology without actually having to say the word? Which to me feels like this person is trying to buy me off…which feels icky. And maybe that’s me looking a gift horse in the mouth, so to speak, but frankly…this gift was so over-the-top…how could I not think that?

I wanted to send a thank you note that said,

“Thank you so much for sharing your blessings with us! As thoughtful as it was, unfortunately, we’ve all gone vegan in our household; except Buddy, our dog, who is absolutely thrilled at all the meat he’s going to enjoy over the next several months! Again, thank you for thinking of us! Buddy, especially, wishes you a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!”

I thought it would be funny.

And no, no one one in our household has gone vegan! However, when I mentioned the thank you I was going to send to a couple of people I trust, each thought it wasn’t a good idea even though each also thought that the expensive gift more than likely stemmed from a guilty conscience. Considering the fact that I seem to have lost all sense of judgment (well, maybe not all), I’ve decided not to do anything…yet. I don’t want this person to think that I can be bought off with a fancy gift, and frankly, I’d rather get a sincere apology. The entire thing just feels wrong.

Anyway, I’m sure that eventually I’ll cook something; and then maybe I’ll send a picture of our family enjoying the food and thank this person at that time. Maybe. I dunno. How long can you keep meat in the freezer before it goes bad?

Also, I’m not sure, but I think our family may have caught the Omicron.

I mean we could have each just had a cold or sinus infection. Lauren said that a couple of her co-workers thought they had it, but they tested negative. It turned out they had sinus infections. Mountain Cedar has been the worst this year! So maybe that’s what we had as well. Not that we even went looking for a test. Also, it’s not like we went anywhere when we were sick. We isolated at home. We’re used to doing that these days…even when we’re well. Also, this was after we were boosted. So…without a test, who knows. Have you had Omicron? How did you know one way or another?

Anyway, I’m hoping and sending out vibes for a kinder, gentler 2022!

I’m not in the mood to fight with anyone…not that I was in the mood to fight anyone in 2021. Also, I’m not supposed to fight with anyone. Doctor’s orders. I’m not sure certain people believe me when I tell them that the doctor has told me that I’m not supposed to stress because it exacerbates my condition. Either they don’t believe me or they don’t care. Whatevs. I’m so over certain people.

I’m hoping and praying for all good things this year. Just call me an eternal optimist. And while I prayed my heart out that we’d win the big Powerball lottery that was somewhere in the range of 500 million dollars, and we actually spent good money on the damned thing, I guess God decided that someone else needed that money more than we did this time around. However, God’s delays are not God’s denials! And that’s the story I’m sticking with.

I hope all of your 2022 goals, wishes, whatevers…all good things happen for each of you!








16 thoughts on “A Kinder, Gentler 2022”

  1. Having also mostly checked out, I am not sure how much I get to say. But perhaps a similar divisiveness is occurring in my family and I hate it. I want to return to the days when we did not feel so judged, so constrained by what someone else thinks I or anyone should do or not do. For myself, it has been a year (or more) of revisiting and reaffirming those truths and values that I have long held dear but were sorely challenged. Psalms and Proverbs have been especially comforting and enlightening. So often in the past I did not understand the “enemy” referred to, the (literal or figurative) hiding in caves, the reaching out to God for protection and hope in times of despair and danger. Some of that is so much more real now. Didn’t we have an incredibly soft life!?

    Concepts like grace, forgiveness, joy, benefit of the doubt — these are in short supply at a time when we need each other more than ever. People don’t mean harm, and I don’t mean harm, and I know this, despite all of us sometimes being driven by someone else’s fears or agenda. How many times have I said to myself: They know not what they do. And at times: I know not what I do. Am I too not seeing where I could be gentler, kinder, more understanding of where someone else stands?

    In the end, there is some truth in each thing that wants to divide us. The foolishness is in thinking there is no room for nuance, or new developments, or doubt, or dialog, or understanding, or growth, and especially that there is no room for grace.

    Grace — even the kind we give each other — truly is amazing. I long to see more of it.

  2. Hi Patricia,
    It’s so good to hear from you, my friend. I’ve read and re-read your comment several times now! It sounds like you’re going through a lot right now and I’m sending virtual hugs your way! I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this kind of stress, too! I’m glad you mentioned Grace, forgiveness, joy and the benefit of the doubt. I embrace your thoughts about allowing room for dialogue, nuance, growth. I might add in self-reflection, though I think you’ve implied that. I think I’m a genuine person. I am who I am and don’t have any desire to be anything other than just me. I like people. The trouble is that not everyone likes me back. I have forgiven. I have understood to the extent I can. Maybe there’s room for more understanding on my part. Everyone has their issues, including me. I get that too. Maybe there was a time when I was even willing to patiently explain my POV to try and sort out misunderstandings. However, if someone decides he or she doesn’t want to get along because they have a false agenda and I’m in their way, I can understand it, but it doesn’t make it right. People tend to not like the fact that I can see through their silliness and that I get to the truth pdq. In that regard, I’m well-hated. I’m not looking to hurt anyone, but I’ve seen too much malice and contempt in too many faces…I can’t fix it, they deny…there isn’t the same sense of respect or care…at some point, it’s just gotten to be too much! That’s between them and God. Lately, I’ve been hanging on to Mother Teresa’s Prayer and I’ve been hanging on to my values. That’s between me and God! If I could just be okay with all of the vitriol that’s come my way and just accept it and move forward without the pain that accompanies it! If I could do that, then I’d be fine. At this point though, I’m just trying to practice self-care despite my sadness! The words that have been said to me…as if I had no worth…they haunt me, my friend!

    • Oh dear Mona, self reflection, sadness, pain — plenty of all that, too much, why does there have to be so much? One of the things that stung me was during a conversation regarding some pretty ugly stuff that happened years ago that was finally coming to the surface which involved principally me and my daughter when both of us were hurt by the same person but in different ways. Both of our lives were changed henceforth and no turning back. To have this other family member say to my face “This is not about you,” wow, killer, so diminished, so set aside, of no matter am I, you peon you. Why is it we hear these nasty words over and over? Why don’t they go away, float away, disappear as does so much else? But funny you should mention Mother Teresa –this connects to her in a way. One of the gems I happened upon this past year is a book by Eric Metaxas called Seven Women and the Secret of their Greatness (highly recommend). Mother Teresa is one of his seven. What struck me about her was that, actually, it WASN’T about her, none of what she did was about her. It was all about someone else, in her case all about the poor she was serving. I have several family members who pick, who needle, who find something that bites and hurts and they use it with well-practiced precision, possibly (benefit of the doubt) “knowing not what they do,” and possibly knowing. In the most recent episode, I was screamed at for daring to try to doctor my sauerkraut with a shredded apple (I kid you not), loudly screamed at, after which this person abruptly left my house and thinks I owe her an apology. Utter nonsense (comical if it weren’t so ridiculous). What I come to after much self-reflection (did I, DID I, do something wrong??), I have more or less (I mean it still haunts me sometimes, I totally get the haunting thing!) decided there are better ways for me to spend my time than replaying nonsense over and over in my head. There are people with actual needs. There’s the foster mom I’m working with through CASA whose heart is broken, there’s my mom who doesn’t know how to chase away her own demons, there’s my CASA child herself so broken, there are friends pushed into their own corners despite their own efforts at peaceful coexistence. Maybe, I thought, if I take a portion (just a portion but at least a portion) of the time and effort I would have spent being (re)agitated by the sauerkraut person or any number of other stings, and redirect it to purposely bringing some kind of comfort or one ounce of joy or something good to someone who needs it as much or more than I do, if my gaze is in a less painful direction, then this helps at least a portion of my day anyway to be better than it otherwise would be. A redirection I’m talking about, on purpose, NOT a replay of the yuk and the pain, NOT at all about those people. Let them have their tantrums in the corner and throw their toys and squawk and yell, let them — close the door on them, shut them out (after you send the thank you and put the ball back in their court — because you are not the person who would not acknowledge a gift, even if you do not understand why it has come). The redirection that has sometimes worked for me is outside my regular circle, in a way that is not about me and toward a goal that is not mine. Do, DO practice self care, absolutely, and do this first. You are no good to anyone if you do not take care of yourself. Love your neighbor as yourself implies that you have to love yourself. And you will know when it is enough self care and it is okay to turn attention on other, also important ways to share your love and wisdom and heart of gold. I like what Gigi said too, which for me translates into taking the high road. Do not let those people have power over you. You are strong and amazing and have so much love in your heart, which David and Lauren and Ryan (and I too, if I may say it) already know full well.

      • Patricia,
        All of your words, your kind, soothing, very human words…I so needed them and will carry them with me. When I am haunted, I will come back and read them again until they conquer the pain. I am blessed beyond measure to have you and Gigi and everyone else in my life. I noticed that after I wrote these awful, terrible truths…my truth…that after letting this out into the light…that the depression is lifting. It’s not totally gone yet, but I am starting to feel some of the warmth that I’ve so needed. For that I am grateful. And here, my friend Patricia, when you are feeling the cold of a haunted memory or the slap of a recent attack, come and enjoy the warmth that you’ve given to me. I’ll gladly welcome you back in from the cold and you can let out your hurt until it, too, is replaced with warmth and light! I could not have done this by myself. I am a person who needs people. While I rely so much upon God, I also need kind, caring people with whom I can connect because without I am lonely and adrift with those haunted, painful memories. Why are they painful? It’s our brains reminding us of what to stay away from so that we can survive. It is purely a survival mechanism, if you want to be objective about it. If only we were just robots that could acknowledge that something is hostile and learn to stay away from that but that we didn’t have to feel the pain that it brings. So glad we aren’t, though. Which brings to mind…how could anyone say those kind of hurtful words to diminish another, to try and knock the worth of someone else? I can’t answer that. To do that doesn’t serve any purpose other than to make the person saying it momentarily feel better about themselves. When that’s at the expense of another person, though? I want to believe that most people would at least feel a twinge of guilt and remorse. If you’re a narcissist, though, you’re not able to feel that. It is not within your brain’s capacity to be able to do that. Sometimes we deal with narcissists and we don’t even know it. Later, we figure it out. I’m figuring out that several people who I’ve never considered to be narcissists are exhibiting those behaviors…and there’s nothing to be done about it. If you or I don’t serve a purpose to them, then we don’t have worth to them. Best to stay away from people like that, which is the plan for the future. That’s me, though. Pain can lead to growth and wisdom, which can lead to purpose, which you’ve beautifully expressed. I so appreciate how you’ve used your gifts and love to help others who so desperately need you and what you have to offer. Lately, my focus has been to heal myself because of the decades of fighting/advocating for others. I wish someone had told me then how this would impact my health today. I wish someone had showed me, taught me to fight in a healthier way, perhaps. Anyway, I figure a pandemic has been a really good time to slow down, relax a little and heal. My healing was going pretty good until…

        On one level, I hated writing any of this. This isn’t what my readers want to read. I know that. I’d much rather entertain y’all with lighthearted silliness and absurdity. Well, I suppose what I wrote still falls within the realm of absurd, as your experiences have also been, right? However, it’s amazing to me how dragged down with…sorry, but this shit…has impacted even my ability to write. It’s altered what I focus on, my perceptions…so much really without my even being aware…it’s been difficult. I’m hoping to move past this and return to being myself again and to let the goofy and the funny and my true purpose back into my life and share that with you and anyone else who feels like reading it. That’s my hope. I like Sherry’s faith that everything will come up roses. Funny, feel-good roses…that sparkle.

        By the way, it looks like one of the people I’ve written about has read this post and reached out by phone. They didn’t leave a voicemail, but I saw that they called. I’m nervous. Did they call with a knee-jerk reaction about how they didn’t intend or mean or that I took what they did the wrong way (deny and blame) or did they call to work things out? I don’t know. It’s kind of scary. Courage. That’s what I need right now.

        Thank you, again, Patricia. I’m so sorry that you’ve having to deal with your own family drama. May it be over with sooner than later and in a way where you all are heard and understood and that you all end up stronger for having weathered this storm. You are such an amazing woman and the world is a much better place with you here! And speaking of amazing, I’m going to go to the bookstore and look into the book you recommend. It sounds intriguing! Have a wonderful 2022, my friend. I hope you start blogging again. Either way, you are always appreciated and welcome on my blog! Much love to you, Mona

    • Hey Sherry,
      Roses, sunflowers, daffodils…anything floral! I’ll take any and all of them! Happy New Year to you, my friend!

  3. Oh Mona. I’m so sorry you’ve been having issues with family; that’s always hard.
    As for the person that sent you the over-abundance of meat. Yes, though icky, they are making a conciliatory gesture. I would send a generic thank you note and leave it there. They will then be in the position to open communications or not. As someone who can hold a grudge like nobody’s business, I have come to realize that is not the way to go through life. But, at the same time, you don’t have to put up with bs, but it never hurts to be the bigger person where and when you can. Happy New Year, Mona. Hopefully, 2022 will shape up to be better than the last two; it damn well better anyway.

    • Gigi,
      You are so right! The meat, no doubt, was meant to be conciliatory. What I want to do is to be able to cook and eat that meat without thinking about all that went before…I don’t want to think that there was a price-to-pay for that meat…which I never asked for in the first place. It just won’t taste as good. I won’t be able to enjoy it nearly as much. Isn’t that a hell of a dilemma? I might as well spread ashes over it before I eat it. In other words, it would be great to enjoy it as a free and clear gift from the heart…not some measure to make the offender feel better about themselves. Because if that’s what that meat is for, for this person to feel better about themselves, then that has nothing to do with me, does it? It feels like I’m being used. The fact that there was literally no interaction between that person and me because the “gift” came through the mail is so awful. David and I didn’t even know who sent it until we actually opened the gift card. It’s an awful position to be in.

      The best way to feel better is not to throw money at or gift your way or flower your way to try and appease those you offended…but to admit to whatever you did, apologize and then do better. “I was angry at you for xyz, I took it out on you and shouldn’t have done that. I hurt you and I’m sorry. Instead I should have talked to you about it and worked out the misunderstanding or…whatever…and if it happens again, I’ll do that instead.” Give me your sincere kindness or sincere whatever you’re feeling. If it’s anger, then say “I’m angry at you, but I want to work this out because I respect you/love you/care for you…because you’re worth that to me.” That’s what I want. Meat versus acknowledgement that you care? Really? Also, that genuine attempt at reaching out doesn’t cost one penny.

      What it costs, though, is something that many are incapable of doing. They think by giving a true apology, it makes them look weak. Or they really don’t feel that way (that they’re sorry), but they want others to think they’ve done the “right thing” or that they’re “good people,” when they don’t really, deep down give a rat’s ass about being a good person or really caring about you…they could care less. It’s so much easier and showier to throw money at someone than to actually care. However, they don’t want others to know or think of just how shallow and callous they are. What they need are others to think of them as “good people.” They need to appear to be “good people” to those (whoever these people are) that they hope to impress. I can hear it now, “I gave Mona and her family this really great gift and she didn’t even acknowledge it! Can you believe that?” I know several people who would say something like that. That’s what I feel I’ve encountered. And not just by the person who gifted us the meat, by the way. Between Thanksgiving and Christmas, it was just one thing after another like that though. The BS just kept coming and each time, it just hit me between the eyes…and I couldn’t process any of it. It was just so absurd and it hurt like hell and I couldn’t fathom why any of this was happening. Frankly, I still can’t, though, this is really giving me the chance to actually work through this. So thank you, Gigi!

      Otherwise, it’s just weird. In my world, when an apology is due, there’s nothing that’s going to take the place of a sincere and heartfelt, “I’m so sorry I hurt you.” The world would be a great deal better off if we could each learn to do that. Between sticks and stones and hurtful words, I’ll take the broken bones. They heal so much faster.

      Gigi, you also bring up a point that I hadn’t thought about…am I holding a grudge? I don’t think I am, but I probably need to think about it a little more. Here’s the deal: I truly want the best for everyone that I’ve dealt with who have just out-and-out hurt me. I’m not wishing any ill will toward them. However, if/when they have ill will toward me (and I think several do based upon our interactions), then I’d just as soon as not be around them. I’m not a glutton for punishment. I like to be happy and…yeah…I’m a little goofy when I’m happy. It doesn’t make me “cool,” which, I guess, means that I don’t always live up to what other people would like from me…but then again, this is who I am. Accept me for who I am or just leave me alone. “Quit trying to judge me because I don’t meet your standard of who you think I should be”…you know what I mean, Gigi? There’s no reason for someone to pour their hate on me or try and gaslight me by saying that what happened didn’t happen when it did or by saying things that they really can’t walk back from. Don’t treat me one way in front of everyone else and then when it’s just the two of us in the room, treat me like shit or completely ignore me as if I weren’t there. Not only is that confusing, but it’s soul-jarring. It’s mind-numbing and hurtful as hell. Doing that to someone else, in this case, me, isn’t okay. You are acting in ways to hurt someone else (me) but you don’t want to admit to it. And your right, Gigi, that is bullshit.

      Lastly, I’m glad you brought up “be the bigger or better person” phrase. I know what that means in the social way we tend to use it to “get along.” I have to admit, I also despise what that means. When I was a child, I used to think in those terms. “I’m just going to be the bigger person, the better person and act like that doesn’t bother me and treat him or her nice anyway,” I would think in my head and then turn my nose up a little and act like I was better than the person who was mean to me. Yeah…that brought nothing to me but pain because 1) I was denying what was happening to ME, 2) I was allowing someone else to 0vertly hurt me without acknowledging that what they were doing or trying to do was not okay. 3) No one else knew except me because I kept it inside…to be the better person. As an adult, I don’t pretend to be “better or bigger than” anyone else because I’m not. I’m human. I make mistakes, sometimes horrible mistakes. I’m not immune to being hurt and for people to think I can’t be hurt is just wrong. I tend to go out into the world and deal with people in an emotionally open way…most of the time.

      So if someone asks me to do something that isn’t nice but they’ve asked me to do this “not nice thing” in a nice way, that doesn’t mean I should acquiesce just because they asked nicely. Right? As I put it, if I ask someone very nicely in a sweet voice, “Would you please eat shit and die?” shouldn’t they do it? I mean I did ask very nicely. Of course not! That’s a horrible thing to say to someone. Well, that’s pretty much what’s been put on me. I’ve been told that what happened was my fault because I didn’t acquiesce to a nicely asked request. Of course they left out the part that it was a shitty request. I was so shocked at the time but what was said to me and how it had been turned on me, that I couldn’t think. When I tried to speak up in my defense, I was told that what happened didn’t happen…because that person was there. I mean what can anyone say to someone who says that? It was definitely a WTF moment. Anyway, the request to me wasn’t nice, so of course I said no. The person then start screaming and lecturing me, which in my book just gives credence to just how not nice they are…and I wasn’t and didn’t comply with their requests or put up with their bullshit. If others who witnessed this interaction tell me what transpired between me and the offender…that what happened is different than what actually transpired because they need to spin the situation for their own purposes at my expense…I mean…WTF!!!!! Does that hurt me? Absolutely. They’ve made up their mind. They’re going to say whatever they want and blame me when regaling this event to others who weren’t there. If those people are biased toward the person telling them their version of what happened instead and they believe I was the one who created this bullshit, then who does that hurt? No one unless I find out that’s what’s being said about me. Does it hurt me when I find out that’s what’s happening? Of course. I told my husband David when it happened that this is what was going to happen, btw. Does that really matter? Not really. Who I am as a person was/is trashed by someone else with a false agenda. I can’t fix that. It’s a no-win situation. But all of a sudden, I’ve become aware of just how awful of a person people want to believe I am. The only thing to do is ignore it because anything I say in my defense will be spun into something that wasn’t what I meant it to be and never was. Excuse my language, but I feel fucked…as in violated fucked.

      What I think you mean, Gigi, (and I may be wrong) is if I can just forgive this person/s and show them I forgive them even after they’ve been hurtful, I might find some comfort in that because then it’s between me and God. He might appreciate my endeavor to forgive them because he’s forgiven me for so much worse.) He knows my heart and will know this even if no one else will.

      So if apologizing to them for whatever part I played in the “argument” and then keeping my mouth shut (biting my tongue, actually) and refusing to argue with them when they meet my apology with words to clearly bait me into another argument (which I didn’t fall for) or dismissing their attempts to try and denigrate me and acting civil and friendly instead or unfairly blaming me to the point that I walk away from them without creating more bullshit is what you mean…then I’ve done that. It still doesn’t change what happened or change knowing how they feel about me or that they were willing to do that to me…or anyone else for that matter. That isn’t a misunderstanding. That isn’t their giving someone (me) the benefit of the doubt or trying to be understanding toward me. That’s hostile, uncalled for, socially inappropriate, willing to take their anger out on someone else (me)…in other words, unabashedly mean-spirited because they have pent-up anger about so many things and they’ve used me as a target to let out their anger. One could call someone like that an enemy. Unfortunately, with certain family members like this…who needs enemies?

      I don’t like stupid games that people play in order to jockey themselves into whatever social/familial position they think they’re wanting to have or to keep themselves in denial so they can feel better about themselves. I hate this kind of shit. I’m not good at it and while I don’t back down to bullies, I also try not to make it worse. It hurts when it happens to me or other loved ones. It’s not how I want to treat others and when I’m treated that way, I might say something or not…but I can’t spin it away. Their words and their actions pop into my head at the worst times…and I feel haunted. Should I feel better about myself for taking “the high road?” Whether I should or not…what I feel is misunderstood, taken advantage of, kicked down, beat up, thought the worst of…and lonely. Hey, even us introverted, goofy people are social creatures who want to be well thought of and accepted by their family and friends. Right now, I don’t.

      Gigi, I want to thank you and Patricia for saying just the right things to me (and anyone else who needed to hear y’all) on this post. What I mean by that is that you’ve allowed me to open up, reflect and say what I’ve needed to say for a long time now, to get this off my chest and unburden, which I think is what I’ve really needed to do. I can’t change anything about what’s happened nor can y’all, but I can feel better now that I’ve worked through it. I can approach certain people with less openness or the same openness if any of them have read this, saw themselves and are willing to meet me halfway and try and reconcile any of this.

      I’ve tried to talk about this with an IRL friend, who’s just told me to “let it go.” I didn’t know just much it would hurt for her to tell me how much one of the people in question hates me, can’t stand me because they have issues and that I need to just get over it and let it go. I get that this shit isn’t fun and I get that she doesn’t/didn’t want to hear about any of it. Still, by opening my heart up and getting this poison out, it’s allowed me to process and move forward. It’s what will save me from sinking further into the depths of depression. For that, I thank you very much from the bottom of my heart! Have a wonderful and blessed 2022, my friend!

      Also, sorry about the length of this. Also, the next post I put out will embrace joy, fun, who knows, perhaps adventure…but it will be a much more enjoyable read…hopefully!

  4. If I may… Do not be sorry about the length, or about being human and having real feelings that have been hurt tremendously. The only people who hurt tremendously are the ones who also love tremendously 🙂
    I am glad this back and forth has been helpful and I am honored to have been a part of it. My heart is with you!

  5. Mona, I absolutely agree that true and heartfelt apologies should be given – unfortunately, not everyone seems to be capable of that. I suggested sending a generic thank you note for the sake of manners only. I totally understand your reluctance to eat the meat. There’s no law that says you can’t give it away, if you wanted.

    I think what your IRL friend and I was trying (and failing) to say is that when you allow anger (or whatever) to sit in your heart and soul, it will only hurt YOU; not the person who caused the initial hurt. And it’s hard to let that go because you WERE hurt. And you have every right to acknowledge that hurt – here or in IRL. If you don’t acknowledge that hurt and your feelings then it will sit in your heart and soul.

    Lastly, never apologize for the length of a post/comment – particularly when it is something that is bothering you. I’m not surprised you are feeling better after letting it out and examining it; as you said – you needed to let the poison out. Sending you many hugs.

  6. Hey Roger,
    The very best to you and yours in 2022 as well, my friend! Here’s hoping for all good things the rest of the year! Mona

  7. Isn’t it great, when you’re not supposed to stress?
    It’s easy. Just become the Dalai Lama.
    Sometimes it’s SO hard to forgive somebody. And just when you think you’re over it, old emotions pop up and you find out you aren’t over it at all. It’s like grief. Each time it comes back, it stings, but it stings a little less.
    I love you, spicy or mild.

    • Sarah,
      How the hell are you, lately?! We should talk soon. Thanks for all of what you said, my friend! You truly understand, except I’m more like the Llama Mama than the other. Llama Mama’s are known for kicking the enemy’s butts instead of meditating. I think. I love you, too! XOX, Mona


Leave a Comment