I’m angry again. Fed up is more like it; but either way, I’ve had it; hence, my current dilemma. As a blogger writing about the craziness of my life: is it better to just put it out there even if it isn’t funny? don’t put it out there at all? only put it out there when magic has happened and the fodder takes on a more humorous bent? Because that’s where I currently am — stuck. What should I do when shit comes up? Should I ignore it and write a blog post that is more fluff than anything else but that’s, hopefully, more amusing — or should I write about what I’m currently dealing with — something that matters to me, even if it showcases the dark, nasty, snarky, petty side of me as I get it out of my system?
I’m a little gun-shy about holding shit in since this past fall’s hives and my doctor’s remonstrations that I need to deal with the stress in my life because “all of this stress is killing you!” I just don’t want to end up back in that same state again if keeping quiet and pretending that happenings in my life are no. big. deal. has been hurting me. My nervous system appears to be keeping me honest. Anyway, that’s why I turned to my friend Lilibeth to ask her advice.
I’ve been vacillating between publishing another “purge” blog post or just writing something altogether different, so I let Lilibeth read the blog post in question (it’s still in draft.) First of all, Lilibeth doesn’t read nine pages of anyone’s post (close to 4,000 words); so I probably knew better than to ask her to read something so long to begin with; however, I do value her opinion and she did read enough to ask, “Other than to vent and get it out of your system, what’s the point?” And that’s a damned good question. She further stated, “What you’ve written is private and while you’ve now written it out of your system, which is good — does it serve any of your readers if they were to read it? Why not keep this to yourself? And the answer is: I don’t know.
Then she also made the remark that what I was writing about — well, it’s true — I’ve clearly let this person get under my skin; but doesn’t that happen in life? Lilibeth believes I have more important things to do and think about and write than to let that kind of trash get under my skin. She suggested that I’ve spent way too much time on this person and her bullshit already. Clearly. Nine pages. So Lilibeth’s advice was to just drop it and move on — or at least shorten my post.
So here’s what I’m going to do — out of integrity/genuineness for myself and my blog (and hopefully to ward off any residual hives that may be lurking about) but also because I don’t want to alienate my readers: I’m going to give a condensed version of what happened and then I have a few questions at the end of this post if anyone cares to join in this dialogue.
It started out the other day with a conversation:
Me: You will never guess who I just heard from.
David: I don’t know. Who?
Me: C’mon. Humor me…guess.
David: Hmm. Janie? (My former best friend.) No. I don’t think she’d call. Huh. Well, I know it couldn’t have been Terri (another former friend.)
Me: Okay, this is not an inventory of people I’ve cut out of my life, David. I’ll tell you who. Are you ready for this — #3, that’s who!
Me: Yeah — #3 — THE BITCH.
David: Ooohhhh. You’re kidding. And you talked to her?
Me: Who me? Talk to her? No. Never. She texted me.
David: Oh, God. Again? What does she want this time?
Me: You’re never going to believe this…
BTW, #3 refers to my ex-husband’s current wife and she sent me a text. This was our exchange (more or less):
#3: Good morning. I wanted to talk to you a little bit about Ryan. This coming from my own dealings with J***. Would it be ok for me to text with you? [J*** is my ex-husband and #3’s elementary-school-aged child.]
Me: You know, there would have been a time that the answer would have been yes without hesitation. At this point, though, I’m not sure that’s such a good idea. I hope nothing but the best for your child. If there is an issue, there are a lot of good resources out there. But you already know that. [Notice that my answer was that I didn’t want to continue this, which apparently didn’t stop her from continuing anyway.]
#3: Correct. And I completely understand. We have the resources we need for J***. However, there are new developments in the medical field all the time. There are links to a sibling with autism and a younger sibling developing ****** (which is what we are dealing with). I wasn’t looking to stir anything up and I apologize if I have offended you. I’ll be quick and to the point so that you can move on. I was curious if y’all had ever had Ryan’s ************ checked. Some children have been diagnosed with autism only to find out it is **************. . . I just thought if y’all hadn’t explored that avenue, it may be of some benefit. . . After being on our own journey . . . I had to at least reach out. Once again, sorry for disturbing you. I won’t text you again unless you would like to talk more. Take care.
On the surface, you might think, “What???? — but #3 is nice. She’s reaching out with what could be important information. So why would Mona have any problem with what she wrote?” Oh, let me count the ways:
- #3 and my ex have actively worked against my son by trying to get him kicked off my ex’s insurance and they also sued us so that my ex would no longer have to pay child support. Our child support agreement, I might add, is something that’s been in place since long before she and my ex ever met. He and I have a special need’s son and we both have an obligation toward him whether my ex likes it or not. I won’t begin to tell you how much extra bullshit this suit created in our lives not to mention the monetary cost. They lost their suit, btw. But then again, didn’t we all lose? And why is that?
- This bitch thinks that she’s an expert in the field of: insurance,
- the law,
- Social Security,
- and now, she thinks she’s an expert in the mental health field.
My ex and #3 have challenged David and me in every one of these areas, all focused on their working to get my ex-husband out of his financial obligations towards his special needs’ son. Neither David nor I are experts in any of these fields; however, we both know Ryan pretty damned well. From that standpoint, I’ve educated (and continue to educate) myself to learn what I can so that David and I can do whatever we can to help Ryan have quality in his life, among other things. I not only research and keep my eyes and ears open to help him with his life-long condition, but also with anything that might help him get over his beating, which he still contends with since my ex-husband and wife #2 beat him over 15 years ago. (Ry, thank God, has made slow but steady progress in this area, but it still affects him.)
Okay, just a side note here: First of all, one does not beat a person. Period. But if one is going to beat a person, one should never beat a person who perseverates. OR THAT IS YOUR YOUNG SON WHO HAS SPECIAL NEEDS, MOTHERFUCKER! THERE IS NO EXCUSE THAT IS GOOD ENOUGH, ASSHOLE! That act, which replays in a loop in my son’s mind, literally has infiltrated all areas of his life, and it has taken over our lives (Ry’s caregivers) as well. I hope there is a special place in hell for these two motherfuckers!
Secondly, the ex-husband abandoned our daughter and son when they were teens — he simply stopped coming by and he didn’t call or give any explanation (while he was dating #3.)
So if you re-read what #3 Bitch has written, here’s what you might consider in her text:
- She thinks she might know something about Ryan that David and I haven’t already considered, as if that were even possible. It’s not.
- She continues to have no faith in what David and I do for Ryan; otherwise, why even contact us?
- She did not and has never apologized for the bullshit she and the ex have put us through; though at this point, she can save her sorry breath! And although she appears to be acting contrite in her text (she’s acting, y’all, which isn’t the same thing as being!)
- She is not asking for a true conversation or requesting any assistance from me or David — she only wants to impart information to us — as though only she can give us this information — well, again, she can save it because — not happening — even if she and I were the last living beings on this planet!
- So, nope, the only thing she is doing, again, is trying to assert herself, interject herself as some kind of “authority” or “expert” in her child’s condition and by extension, my son’s condition, to finagle her bullshit self back into our lives. And she wants me to believe that she feels this need to reach out and help — ALL OF A FUCKING SUDDEN???!!!! ROTFLMAO!
BTW, why the fuck would she ever think we would want to hear from her about anything other than what is required by Court Order? If anyone had a stake in Ryan’s health or wellbeing, it should be his biological father; however, he hasn’t asked about Ry even once in the 11, going on 12 years, since he last chose to see him.
Frankly, if I never hear or see from either of these two sonsofmotherfuckingbitches again, it will be too soon.
Why this woman thinks I would or could think of her as a credible source of any information or that she gave a shit about my son at this point is beyond me. What #3 is good at is in stirring the pot (and she acknowledges that she might be stirring things up) by attempting to get into my business when she only thinks she knows something, when she actually doesn’t know nearly jack shit — as she’s proved over and over again in her challenges and losses to us. She’s a meddler of the worst kind — now dragging her child and, no surprises, my son (once again), into her delusional bullshit. And she thinks I might be interested in anything she has to offer? OMFG! On what world do you live, Princess Bullshit???!!!!
I suspect that #3, herself, has a diagnosable mental health disorder. Whether she’s ever been formally diagnosed or not, is not for me to know nor really care about — because when you mess my family around, you are dead to me and I don’t think about you again, unless forced to — and then I’m probably not going to think nice things about you. Know why? Because I am human and a mother and you fucking fucked with my children and my family in the worst kind of way, you fucking fuck! You are not forgiven and you do not deserve my forgiveness. Talk to your maker and ask for his/her forgiveness. You ain’t getting it from me. You are an occasional gnat in my life, that apparently, won’t. fucking. die. So maybe you’re less of a gnat and more of a despicable cockroach with the emphasis on being a fucking Cock. Tool. Dick. You are a fucking dickroach is what you are, #3!
What I do believe is that #3 is crying out for someone to give her attention. Could it be because my ex isn’t giving her the kind of attention she so desperately craves; therefore, she feels compelled to reach out even to the likes of David and me? That is pretty damned desperate!
All I know is that she and I met one time about five years ago and she had her very young child with her. Let’s just say that she wasn’t the most attentive mother. She was incredibly angry with me, which scared her child, who started crying, and that’s when I left because there was no call for any of that and I wasn’t going to be a part of that. But then as I was leaving, she appeared to be even less patient with her child. She didn’t quite meet what Texas would consider “child abuse” because if she had, I would have turned her sorry ass in; but then, again, #3 was in a public and busy restaurant with all eyes on her as she screamed at me that I was nothing but a piece of shit as I walked away from her. As she dragged her screaming child out of the restaurant after me, I could only think — thank God she didn’t have anything to do with my children when they were young! So if that’s how she treats her child in public, God only knows how she treats her child behind closed doors!
I wasn’t going to write any of this for a lot of reasons. First of all, it’s all shit. Crazy shit. As Allen T. St. Clair of Das Midnight Goose has said many times about such things, “6 gallons of crazy in a 5-gallon bucket.” The point is that the ex and #3 have put David and me through a lot over these last several years and while I haven’t really written about any of this in this detail before, well, the #3 bitch just reared her ugly head, once again, on just the right day — and now she’s gotten on my last nerve.
I write this in the hope that I don’t get hives again more than anything. I know this post really shows off my bad side, how petty I can be. How awful I can be. If there is anything redeeming about me at this point, perhaps it’s that at least I don’t wish these people harm nor have I harmed any of them, despite the semi-amusing/semi-serious picture at the top. I’m not using their names nor am I even using their child’s alleged diagnosis nor even the child’s gender in this post. I want no identifiers in this post linking us.
I envy people who have decent or even tolerable relationships with their exes. It annoys me that I can’t just get along with everyone because so help me God, I’ve tried. My ex, though, has worked hard to create problems for our two children and for David and me. In the process, he’s pulled in/used each of his two wives to create even more issues. And why? Other than he hates me and has tried to get revenge no matter who he’s hurt (his children), there is no other real reason. And trust me, I don’t use either “hate or revenge” lightly, but he’s used both of those words to my face. That’s because I left his sorry ass in the early 1990’s. That’s because I moved on with my life. He, apparently, cannot and never has been able to abide that; so I have to contend with shit from him and whatever current wife/girlfriend he has from time-to-time.
While there’s no doubt that my ex is diagnosable (just never formally, presumably), I suppose we are all diagnosable in some form or fashion. But if we’re all crazy to whatever extent that we are, let’s just say that I’ll take my brand of crazy over his all day long, any day of the week — which is why I left our so-called marriage so long ago. Which is why #2 (as fucked up as she was/is) also left her marriage with him, presumably. Which is why I expect that at some time, #3 (as fucked up as she is) will eventually leave him as well. Or not. Frankly, I could give a shit less other than I wish they would all just leave my family and me the fuck alone.
So now I’ve purged and have gotten this out of my system. For those of you who have actually read through this, I have questions, if you don’t mind helping me out —
- Are there people in your life who you’ve had to contend with that just keep turning up like the proverbial “bad penny” and how do you deal with them?
- Do you ever write about these experiences and if so, do you fictionalize them or do you use their names and really tell it like it is? I’d like to hear your stories and experiences if you don’t mind sharing. I mean, I really, really could!
Or maybe you’re looking at me like I’m some odd creature right now, thinking just how really fucked up I am and how screwed up my life is. Hey, if my life makes you feel a bit better about your own, then it’s all good. No worries. I dunno. I just try and make the best out of what I’ve got. Today, it’s shitty grist for the mill. Maybe in the next post, it will be all about the tequila.
So, for whatever it’s worth, God grant me fucking serenity and wisdom! I could use a little of both right now. And maybe a nice, stiff drink. Tequila, maybe. You can keep the salt and lemon.
And breathe. Namaste.
26 thoughts on “6 Gallons of Crazy in a 5-Gallon Bucket”
Oh, Mona … You know damned well you’re not being petty here. I don’t think you could be petty if you set about it with a flashlight and a mission statement. In attempting to understand why she’s undertaking the insane act of texting, and staying your hand in many, many ways, you’re giving more compassion than is due. And having done that, you are being chaotically, deservedly, magnificently human. And if she texts again, I’ll hold her head still while you pour a bottle of SuperCuts shampoo down her throat. Deal? Deal. Because that’s what friends are for (cue 1984 music) ….
Deal! Thank you so much for having my back! I absolutely fucking adore you, my friend! And anytime I can return the favor, just let me know! Mona
She sounds like a textbook drama generator. Here’s what you do:
1. Forgive that bitch (for you, not for her. This is for your hives, suppression doesn’t count.) She is so full of shit and pain and stupid, and she is married to your ex, her life is its own punishment. You’d rather be dead than be her right? Worth your pity, maybe. Worth your disgust, definitely. Not worth your anger.
2. Fuck that bitch forever. Block her every which way and how. She can tell everyone how mistreated she was and get two-faced drama love from her friends all she wants. You and your family deserve to be safe from her fuckery.
3. Never think about that bitch again, except maybe during MMA class, or when chopping wood.
Drama whores love someone who gets riled. They love attacking and being attacked back, so they can tell everyone about what a hero they are. This is why the forgiveness is so important. Once they can’t get to you, they don’t find you very interesting anymore, and move on to new prey.
All easier said than done, especially when your kid is involved. Anyone who hurts a kid is toilet crust. They’re going straight to hell.
Blog your little heart out. Everyone else airs their dirty laundry on here, myself included. If you find it therapeutic, why not? What’s the problem? The readers worth keeping will stick around. That’s the way it works. ♥️
(My little advice caveat: am not always right. Take what you can use and bin the rest. Not intended to treat, cure, or prevent any disease)
Hugs and loves
You have wise words and your friendship means so much to me. I sometimes wonder if I don’t know how to forgive because I often think I do, but then if I did, people like her wouldn’t get to me, I suppose. Hmm…You have words that are truly something for me to consider. Until then, though, I will think of #3 as drama whore toilet crust — but only when I’m forced to think about her! I like that. Thank you, my dear friend! You are so fucking amazing! That is the silver lining in all of this, crusty as it may be! Bwahhahhahha! Mona
I can’t believe how they treated you. If it was me I’d tell them to fuck off, but then you have rose to the bait and then in an indirect way the situation will affect you because you responded. I’d ignore her completely xx Poor you xx
I’ve already had to block the ex from my phone because of the abuse he heaped (life truly is too short for that kind of b.s.); but I’m hesitant to block #3 bitch because if something were to happen that required one of us to have to get in touch with the other, then this would be the format we’d use. However, you’re right. I shouldn’t have responded at all–not that it would have stopped her from what she wrote, anyway, because she was determined to have her say. But I agree, ignoring that bitch is the way to go! Thanks for adding to this dialogue, my friend! Mona
I totally understand the need to post and vent that poison from your system. For years I dealt with lying, manipulative members of the husbands family, and spewing all their evil doings on my blog saved my sanity. Of course one of them eventually found it and we haven’t spoken since…. but that was a good thing! As for #3? I know it’s hard… but ignore the bitch. Don’t answer her texts, don’t engage her in any way. Let her scurry back under her rock where she belongs. And may I say? Kudos on the dickroach description, I think that captures his essence perfectly.
Thanks for answering my questions and for your understanding! You totally get this! It’s so good to know that blogging has saved your sanity as well! I believe that the consensus among everyone is that I ignore the bitch, which is what I usually do — however, she caught me on just the wrong day, I suppose. Now that I’m back on even keel, I’m ready to move on to much better things — like rocks. Red rocks. I’m off to read your blog, my friend. Thanks for sharing your experiences! Mona
Rocks make e rut Hong better.
(I’m leaving that there because it’s a hilarious auto correct rendition of everything.)
And just so you know, I like my rocks wrapped around a stiff gin and tonic as well.
Damn, you’re funny! Cheers! Mona
We all have bad moments, and being able to share them with others makes us feel better. The reader feels better in most cases because they realize they are not the only one going through insane batshit crazy daily life. You again feel better when your friends and readers let you know you are not alone and you made them feel less alone. If #3 finds and reads, well, she will know she has been seen in all of her hideous awfulness, so win-win-win. Stay strong and celebrate 1. You are away from the ex 2. you have wonderful kids (even if they do make you want to pull your hair out sometimes) 3. You have a partner now who is truly a partner 4.you have a community of friends/similar psychos who have your back!
Dang, you’re good at explaining all of this and you’re absolutely right! Thank you for pointing out all good reasons to celebrate because that’s definitely where I need to focus! Cheers and thank you to you and this glorious community of friends/similar psychos that I’m a part of! Mona
You are so NOT petty! These people sound truly horrible, and #3 is passive-aggressive AF in that text. Block her. If they ever need to get in touch with you, I’m sure they’ll find a way. Hugs to you, dear friend.
I’m so glad that I’m not the only one that sees #3’s passive-aggressive text for what it is! Sometimes I think it’s just me reading into something that’s not there and it’s really great when others see it, too! Thank you for your kind support and input and bunches of hugs to you, as well! I hope you’re feeling better from your recent illness. Mona
I don’t know where to start with this one. Haters gon’ hate? I mean, some people you just have to practice ignoring–some folks just have nothing else going on so they have to get the Shit Stirring Spoon out and create drama. Rise above it. When they go low, we go to the liquor store, right?
Damn straight, Blog Buddy! Hi, ho, hi, ho, to the liquor store we go! I think #3 needs to quit trippin’, no? Or maybe I do! LOL Mona
Sorry I’m late to the party. For what it’s worth, I don’t think you’re petty at all. If it wouldn’t create problems with family members I truly love, I would have PLENTY to say about certain others and it would probably be ALL OVER my blog. But, as I said, it would hurt people I love so I keep it to myself. That being said, your blog is YOUR blog and you should write whatever truly is what you need to write at the moment. I was afraid to write about my loss of friendship with “E” because I write a humor blog and I didn’t want to be a downer, but it has turned out to be my second most-read post ever. So just do you and write what you feel!
And fuck those other bitches (your ex and #3).
Thanks for your input and your kindness, my friend! I have to admit that while I don’t want to get in the habit of ranting and calling people names on my blog, even those like my ex and #3, it really helped for me to get it out of my system. Can’t wait to write something more worthwhile! BTW, looking forward to a new post from you tomorrow! Presumably, all of the TV drama is over and your laptop is charged up; but hey, I was very impressed with how you dialed it in on your cellphone. (See what I just did there?) LOL Mona
Fuck your ex and his skank wife. She has no right to talk to you about what you should or should not do for your child regardless of her knowledge of medicine. I don’t care if she’s an actual doctor, it’s not her place for two big reasons: 1) she and your ex have made it clear they have no interest in providing support for your son, 2) Ryan is not HER son and therefore SHE should not be contacting you; if it’s something both she and your ex are concerned with, YOUR EX should be the one contacting you in regards to your son.
In regards to your questions at the end, while I don’t have issue with people turning up after making it known I have no interest in them, I have dealt with obnoxious BS in the past. I never use anyone’s real name on anything I post publicly (aside from my own), but I do write about things that have happened to me (as you well know… you read my blog).
Chin up. You got it out of your system. Let it go and stave off those hives! Forget that obnoxious shrew and focus on your own things comfortable in the knowledge that now everyone knows what a skag your ex married.
Thank you, Adie! You always know just the right thing to say to make me feel better! The last couple of weeks have been a bit of a clusterfuck and I had a nice long chat with my therapist. The idea at this point is to try and incorporate The Serenity Prayer into my life, start handling my stresses in a different way, continue to struggle with what I cannot change nor accept and include more drinking in my life (I don’t drink nearly as much as I should) ~ but everything in moderation.
BTW, I absolutely loved your video post (vlog, I guess it’s called.) If any of my readers haven’t gone to Adie’s blog recently, you should definitely check it out! Just click on the bright pink/magenta “Adie” on this comments page and it will take you straight to her blog! It’s pretty damned amazing! Mona
Hello Mona! Not petty at all. This is what blogs are for… write any damn thing you want! IF this chick, #3 is crazy… and I think she is… don’t ever engage her. You do need to tell her she needs to go only through your ex and you’d be happy to talk with him about ‘things.’ Not saying you would be happy about it but she needs boundaries and you will set them! Especially if she’s drug your ass to court. She’s as manipulative AF. Cover your ass girl! Do. Not. Engage. Ever. As for your questions, I’ve removed every bad penny FINALLY that isn’t blood-related but they show up every now and again. I play the “YOUR INVISIBLE” game. I can literally be at a social gathering and ignore them completely. I don’t even say hi. I don’t need additional drama in my life. I’m fucking busy with my own! I write about people. I give them fake names OR just an initial. I have been asked directly by two of my siblings to never write anything about them, their families or post pics of them. So, I don’t. NADA! I have enough shit to write about, pah-leassseee, you are not that interesting! Seriously, watch your back, establish boundaries and keep her away from you! ~Kim
Thanks so much for your input, woman! I like your strategies for dealing with crazy people who crave drama in their lives. Excellent advice that I will remember! Mona
Good! And remember to be careful around the stupid people too. You can’t fix stupid!
Oh my, you have been through the ringer! I have for the most part stayed away from publishing posts about the various shitty situations/people in my life, but that’s probably because I’m a chicken more than anything else. I will sometimes infer things, without naming names, but try to stick with positive, humorous stories. Trust me, I have a whole lot of true life, not-asked-for-drama that I could devote a whole blog to. As far as how I deal with the turds that rear their nasty heads in an attempt to wreak some kind of havoc in my life (and truthfully, I am referring to one specific person who-ha ha!-is now in jail and hopefully will remain there indefinitely)–I ignore them. They don’t deserve one iota of my attention or mental energy.
When I wrote this, I was going through a bad time when crap was piling high! This wasn’t my finest hour, and I’m so glad I had some amazing friends help me get through the fall and winter of 2018/19. Anyway, not long after this post, I took a break to deal with stuff I had to. I’m glad I did and I feel stronger than ever! Thanks for sharing as well! Sounds like you’ve had to deal with b.s. in your life as well! Mona